Early Looks: Week 1, Act 2

SNL has been burning the midnight oil, dining the wifey, changing the kid’s diapers, and all the while conducting cunning (if not clandestine) late night reviews of voluminous CFB factoids in the days leading up to week 1-not to mention SNL’s day job with “Vandelay Industries.”  Why?  To bring you the following pearls of wisdom going into week 1:

 Thursday, August 28, 2008:

North Carolina State at South Carolina (-12.5/47.5o):

What the flock says:  Spurrier has handed the offense over to Junior and the quarterback situation remains what it has been, a variable of an unknown quantity with all the suspense of a Nick Cage flick.  Which means essentially that it (the qb) will either be Gone in 60 Seconds, which sucked royally, or ConAir, which was tolerable because Cage’s role was smartly minimized and managed by the Director, who knew that a plethora of slow-mo explosions coupled with gratuitous shots of sweaty muscle-bound men was, at the end of the day, preferable to Cage’s acting (in)ability.  In either case, don’t expect to walk out of Williams-Brice Stadium this Thursday yearning for an encore, because you won’t.    

Also new at USC is defensive coordinator, Ellis Johnson, who coached some excellent units at SEC afterthought, Mississippi State, over the last four years.  Johnson inherits a defense that returns 10 starters, most of whom are upperclassmen, but finished 110th nationally in rushing yards allowed.       

The offense returns 7 starters, including bookend tackles Meredith and Sorenson,  but as stated above, has question marks at quarterback and running back.  The offense also returns the OBC, which should mitigate the inexperience at the crucial position of qb, and has some explosiveness at wideout in McKinley.

Nonetheless, the pundits have again (and rightfully in SNL’s opinion) decreed that USC will play 4th fiddle to its muscle bound step-brothers, Florida, Georgia and Tennessee and can realistically hope to finsh ahead of only Kentucky and the brainiacs at Vandy in the fratricidal SEC East.  Here, the pundits are dead-on as there exists no viable scenario for upward penetration by the ‘Cocks, who appear to lack both the size and stamina necessary to seriously compete for the attentions of the co-eds in light of the trio of pretty boys who continue to be the headliners atop the East. 

North Carolina State, reutrns 4 starters on a defense that ranked 11th (of 12) in the ACC and likely lacks the horses to improve much.  NCSU also finished last year in a freefall losing its last 2 games by a combined 57 points.  Again using the media as metaphor, if USC is Nick Cage, NCSU is montage of the d-listers resurrecting their careers, if only for a moment, by agreeing to appear on the Surreal Life. 

To make matters worse, the Wolfpack will likely unveil redshirt freshmen, Russell Wilson, before roughly 90,000 or so on Thursday, and oh yeah, return only 5 starters on a Unit that ranked 98th nationally in 2007 to help him remove his training wheels.

What the Shepherd says: Steve Superior has lowered his golf handicap to even and is poised to make a run on the Seniors tour if, as expected, the ‘Cocks have difficulty scoring on the uptight sorority girl who just won’t drink enough wine to let her inhibitions go.  A indignity that is amplified by the pretty boys at UF, UGA, and UT, who have their way weekly, if not daily, with an all-u-can eat sorority buffet.   Such is life in the SEC East, which houses 2 members of the consensus top 5, and 3 members of the top 20.  

That said SC’s defense, a year older and healthy again, should have little trouble stuffing NCSU’s anemic running attack forcing its newbie qb into some dismal down & distance situations.  A reicpe for turnovers, short fields, and overall domination, assuming the offense is remotely competent. 

SC’s offense, while unspectacular, should be be able to rate a “competent” by mustering just enough big plays to cover the number, which is about a field goal off in SNL’s opinion.  Look for a score in the range of 31-13 and by your lady something nice courtesy of SNL.

Pick:  USC -12.5

Next up:  V Tech at ECU

So Sayeth the Shepherd