HUMP-DAY HEADLINES

Joe Pa’-who seems to most objective observers to be ready for the obligatory geriatric pilgrimage to Del Boca Vista, where he can drive a golf-cart to nearby early-bird specials- let this humdinger rip at his weekly press conference:

“I don’t have the slightest idea what ‘HD’ means. What’s it supposed to mean?” – Joe Paterno, Penn State coach, when asked what HD stands for in the team’s “Spread HD” offense, which was given its name by his son and co-offensive coordinator, Jay.

While it may not be clear to Joe Pa’ what “Spread HD” means, his Nittany Lions have been right impressive to those of us fortunate enough to watch them on one of those new fangled ”moving picture boxes” over the past couple of weeks.

Tennessee Volunteer beat writer, John Adams believes that Miami’s performance in the Swamp last Saturday gives Vols fans a recipe to defeat the Gators and more importantly, a reason for hope.  Nonetheless, pessimism will find its way into the cocktail of hope and moonshine that Vols fans are known to drink before the mighty Gators come to town.  The over/under is the 2nd quarter of their game against UF when, down 14-3 and looking every bit the confused, blundering offense that played UCLA,  they are forced to accept that not much has changed since last year’s 59-20 drubbing.  Which begs the question:  How do you smuggle booze (or hope) into Neyland stadium when you’re wearing a wooden barrel?

In what has to be the “eye-rolling-oh-yeah-that-will-fix-it” story of CFB, Steve Spurrier plans to play 2 quarterbacks against UGA this weekend.  In a related story, Taliban fighters are building large slingshots to hurl “dung bombs” at USAF fighter planes. 

Seriously, SNL remembers Spurrier well from his Gator days and will be the first to go on record as saying that the failure to improve on last year’s limp and unsatisfying season  may spell the end of Spurrier’s tenure-wallowing in mediocrity is not one of Spurrier’s strengths.  In fact, another 6-6 season without a bowl, and the CFB nation may forget what Spurrier’s strengths are.

  In addition to negative treatment from the national media (See E-SPIN’s PTI and SI’s Mandel), UM’s own beat writers are disappointed in Coach Shannon’s rant during Sunday’s postgame press conference, when he essentially called Coach Meyers classless and heralded UM’s 26-3 defeat as a boost to recruiting. Unswayed by the tenants of “logic” and “reason” relied upon by members of the press, UM fans will continue to spend their money from fenced items and low-level drug sales on gold teeth and rented rims in protest of Urban’s decision.  That will teach him!

-So Sayeth the Shepherd