WEEK 6 PICKS: 19-16-2 ATS

  After beginning the week with a 2-0-1 Thursday night card, SNL was lambasted Saturday (1-2) and ended up 3-3-1 for the week.  Hitting 50% will keep you “in the game,” (as will “Just for Men”) for awhile, but won’t put you in position for profligate (look it up) spending unless you are independently wealthy or an AIG executive.

So for SNL, like many of the teams it chronicles, week 6 is a time for introspection, a time to re-inventory strengths and weaknesses and embark on the second leg of a journey that leads to the promised land (which, for most of you degenerates, is drunk at the Bellagio with a stripper, but I digress).

How serendipitous it is then that this week’s card has provided investment opportunities that are far superior to those currently available on Wall Street, which means more or less that they won’t lose more than the 10% juice the book will charge you for playing. 

Finally, those of you who have achieved “degenerate status,” an elite club to be sure, know that there is no such thing as a “1000 star pick” or a “2000 star pick.”  All picks are created equal under the immutable laws of degeneracy.  Nonetheless, SNL will list the picks in order of strength, highest to lowest, for your ruminating pleasure. 

Our-Kansas (+19) at Auburn:  Hell of a week on the plains of Auburn, nursing a loss to Vandy (where the alums tie sweaters in loose knots and rape them ov3r their shoulders) and mourning the demise of your OC.  Yep, the War Eagles are out of the SEC race and should be a dispirited bunch this Saturday and, oh yeah, havent scored 19-points since posting 21 on LSU (only 14 by the offense).

That said this pick isn’t about you, Auburn!  Put your egocentrism and penchant self-agrandizement aside for once.  This pick is about Arkansas’ ability to move the ball through the air and the belief that Petrino’s Hawgs will be emboldened by last week’s 38-7 loss to Florida. 

Pick:  Hawgs (+19)

Notre Dame (+9) v. UNC:  SNL has gone against the Irish 12 times in the last 2 years for a 9-3 ATS record.  In fact, SNL has been banking on the ineptitude of the Irish for so long he doesn’t know how to pick any other way.  That said the Irish can score nowadays, and yes, get scored on more than a sorority girl on spring break. 

Still, UNC is playing with a back-up and hasn’t been nearly as dominant statistically as the final score of the UM and UConn games would have you believe.  SNL like the points and asks that you refrain from deluging him with e-mails ridiculing Charlie Weis’ corpulence.  He’s overweight, we get it.

Pick:  Notre Dame (+9)

Cocks v. UK (+3):  Vegas still loves the OBC, that much is obvious.  UK has a feisty bunch and they play hard, real hard.  The OBC, god bless him and his full head of hair, has fielded yet another schizophroenic club.  SNL likes the home doggie.

Pick:  UK (+3)

Oklahoma v. Texas (+7/o56.5):  The most interesting thing about this game is that we know both of these teams are good, but we don’t know how good.  Why?  Neither has played a ranked team to date.  So, SNL is banking on the fact that intense rivalries typically give rise to a heightened defensive intensity.  The offensive juggernauts are slowed a bit and SNL therefore likes the under.  A pick owed in significant part to the possibility of castration at the hands of either teams fans if you pick one side or the other.  

Pick:  OU/UT u56.5

Picks SNL likes enough to flirt with but not ask out:

UT (+13) over Georgia

Vandy (-2.5) over MSU

Sparty (-1.5) over NWU