Florida’s 2009 wish list & a Layla Kiffin tribute.

What is there to wish for if you’re a Florida Gator in 2009?  You’ve won 2 of the last three National Titles, boast the most recognizable and revered college football player in the last 30 years (and possibly ever), the best coach-sorry Pete, and begin the season where you left off, a near unanimous No. 1. 

The foregoing facts have fueled a cacophonous symphony of praise from the E-SPIN heads to the local talk show hosts.  Yep, the Gator Nation is fat and happy.  And, with an opening date with Charleston Southern, a 73-point underdog, there’s not much to talk about until Florida welcomes SEC newbie, Layla Kiffin’s husband to The Swamp.  Right?  Wrong. 

Florida has-and in some respects rightfully so-been suffering a quiet smear campaign as a result of its woeful non-conference schedule.  SNL knows, the SEC “grind” is second to none in the paradigm of conference strength, and this will continue to be the case in the foreseeable future.  That said the precipitous downfall of Auburn and UT, coupled with the impotence of Spurrier’s ‘Cocks (pun intended), has damaged the SEC’s Street-Cred, at least temporarily. 

So, what Florida fans should be rooting for can be distilled down to the following: 

1. UT beats-no crushes-the Cuddly Bruins from the PAC 1+9.  While we’re at it, let’s hope the lascivious E-SPIN camera men are smart enough to fill our high-def screens with images of the giddy Jessica Simpson….errrr…I meant Layla Kiffin.
2. FSU beats Da’U and crushes the polygamists of BYU (lucky bastards!).  Seriously, rooting against FSU is so indelibly tattooed on Gators its difficult to do, but Florida is in desperate need of the SOS.
3. Steve Superior’s ‘Cocks prevail over the yet another cuddly group of Wolves at NCSU.  This game takes on added import as it is opening day, which means degenerate gamblers with far more money than SNL-and presumably, wives who are willing to wear shoes not made by Prada-will be boozing and wagering like sugared-up 12-year olds at a slumber party.  The conference needs a strong showing here.
4. Saban’s Storm Troopers crush the formidable-but-painful-to-watch Hokies.  SNL knows that every Hokie slight brings him closer to death via Vinnie “Hands” Randazzo and his entourage of guinea soldiers.  Still, VT is the likely ACC champ and in today’s playoff-less world, the “X beat Y which beat Z” argument holds a lot of sway with the more feeble-minded fans (and some analysts too). 
5. UGA beats what’s-his face at Okie State.  Yeah, SNL knows that the “what’s-his-face” referred to here is “A MAN!!!”, still, he’s Zooker’s cohort which in and of itself is sufficient reason to root for his demise.  Throw in the current Big 12 v. SEC rivalry, and there’s no compelling reason not to wish for a demoralizing defeat for the Cow-girls in Stillwater.   

The moral of the story is that a single loss by the Florida juggernaut this year may be sufficient to derail any hopes at an unprecedented 3^rd appearance in 4-years in the BCSG.  The axiomatic (look it up flock) conclusion is that UF, more so than in any year in recent memory, is in need of a strong showing from its opponents.  

Next:  Opening lines and investment opportunities. 

 

-So Sayeth the Shepherd