Judge Petrino Rules: Florida Football Fans not a protected class under the Constitution!

Sorry about the interim between posts, flock.  We here at SNL remain busy lawyering about Gainesville, and will probably be forced to continue doing so unless we get picked up by E-SPIN for some hard-hitting football journalism, or hit around 80% on our picks this season.  (That’s “against’the’spread,” Dooley-”Man’s game b—-!”).  which segues nicely into this non-football related story:

Gort is a UF alum and apparently, had a pretty good gig covering Arkansas before this gaffe occurred.  For the hard-of-thinking among you, flock (which is most of you judging by the hate mail we receive daily), the past-tense is used here because Gort was canned by her employer gollowing Petrino’s adolescent churlishness. (Fold you arms when you pout, Bobby, it’s more effective that way.  A sigh and eye-roll doesn’t hurt either and would go well with your Dora the Explorer backpack.)  Here’s Gort’s Tweet:

Our favorite local radio (and television sometimes) personality, Brady Ackerman, is leading the charge of the vocal Gator allegiant who are outraged at Petrino for publicy rebuking Gort and presumably, getting her fired.  And, while we love Ackerman (check out his moring show at www.espngo1.com ), we couldn’t disagree more.  Perhaps the easiest way to sway the bulk of the Gator fans of the Orange-and-Blue lens variety is to re-create this scene in Gville, where we live under the hegemonic rule of Pope Urban I.  (We considered a White House/Burka analogy here, but figured current leadership would applaud such lunacy as coveted “diversity”) So here we go:

Pre-Season presser with Urb on UF campus, only local media and Gator beat writers invited-and that gnome-ish fellow, Bianchi.  Amongst the sea of pavlovian journalists aspiring for recognition, or even eye contact from Pope Urban, is one young Co-ed in a ‘Bama cap.  Pope Urban I who, bye the bye, isn’t exactly known to be an exceptionally humorous fellow, takess umbrage and launches a quip toward the young scribe following a run-of-the-mill question (no flashes of brilliance here).  Under this scenario, is it plausible that any of the Gator-partisans would come rushing to the young scribe’s aid?  (Candor is called for here, govern yourselves accordingly). 

Not a chance.  Not here, not there, not in Tuscaloosa, not in anywhere.  For those of you who enjoy a legal analysis, Arkansas, like Florida, is a “right-to-work” or “at-will” jurisdiction.  In laymen’s terms, this means your boss can fire you for any reason that doesn’t violate The Civil Rights Act (i.e. religion, race and that sort of thing).   While we are lawyers, we are not lawyers of the constitutional variety.  However, last we checked Florida fans were not a class of people protected by the consitution, so wearing a Florida hat to a presser with Petrino is probably a poor call and Gort’s subsequent firing, though petty, is not unexpected.

As always, counter-arguments will be considered.