Degenerate Gamblers

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For those members of the flock that are hard-of-thinking, the foregoing picture is a metaphor for last Saturday’s “showdowns,” which turned out to be beatdowns, but provided the home teams fan base with a great chance to drink excessively. 

SNL recently posted on the “Flori-Bama”.  This quasi-clever moniker (which is also the name of a world famous bar on the state line) is SNL’s way of saying that Florida and Alabama are equal but opposite reciprocals of one another, and on a collision course for ATL and in turn, the BCSNCG. 

For the most part, the similarities were obvious before last week, when both Alabama and Florida shut down top-20 teams on the road in the most pugilistic of ways, stifling defenses and plodding, conservative offenses with a run-first philosophy.  Sure there are other similarities; both programs are helmed by taciturn, tight-lipped, control freaks who lord over their respective programs (and states for that matter) like medieval warlords and both fan bases are beyond fervent.  For the most erudite Florida fans, the fact that the Gators under Pope Meyer are a single-wing, power running team (and have been for awhile now) that is thinly camouflaged by offensive sets with wide receivers running thither and yon, is not only no surprise, but is welcomed. 

For many, however, this concept is upsetting.  This is particularly true amongst those who still recall with giddy reverie the days when the OBC would fill the air with footballs.  Be that as it may, SNL has accepted if nt embraced the fact that Meyer’s Gators are and will likely remain a team created in ‘Bama’s image-which is a good thing.  And, when these titans meet in the ATL this year, the collision will be epic-though the scoreboard may not reflect the genius of the respective generals on each sideline. 

SNL’s prescience has lost some of its shine now that the mainstream heads at si.com and E-SPIN have jumped on the bandwagon, but we will continue to site to our previous post as evidence that we were way out in front of this story. 

Well, flock, the parallels between the SEC behemoths continues this week when Alabama hosts USC and Florida hosts Arkansas.  For the records, Vegas has made ‘Bama a mere 17-point favorite over USC, and Florida a whopping 24-point favorite over the Hawgs.  The camps of both underdogs are predictably mum on the chances for an upset, and who can blame them.  More on the actual matchups later, let’s do some housekeeping. 

Last week, 7-4 ATS, 18-13 YTD.  By now, most teams are who we thought they were, and the wins are starting to come at a pace which will have the wifey in some new jewelry at season’s end.  SNL’s winning percentage in year’s past has been roughly 57% in weeks 1 through 5, and 67% in weeks 5 through 14.  Se we expect to keep on rolling.

Dis and Dat….The wheels remain intact in Athens, but barely.  Too bad because even the most calloused Gator fan can see that Richt is a good Coach and a better person.  Still, the fratricide of the SEC is unrelenting and losing to Layla Kiffin’s husband will fire up any fan base because, well, that guy’s a total jackass.  Speaking of wheels, another tough week for the ‘Noles, losing at home to Tech having been compounded by the details of the cheating schedule.  Far be it for SNL to pile on, but if you’re going to give scholarships to players who read a second-grade level (after a few years of “college” no less), you should have the common decency to be a good football team.  On the upside, by virtue of consistently sucking for 5-years or so, no one is saying that the “wheels are coming off” in Tallahassee, that ship has sailed. 

Erstwhile…Da’ U will be without 4 starters when it visits UCF tomorrow, which won’t matter, and USFwas rolled at home by Cincinnati, a fact which is further illustrative of FSU’s precipitous fall from grace since, you know, the Bulls crushed the ‘Noles in Doak with a Backup QB a few weeks back.  Finally, this is a grand week for all of CFB.  Why?  Because Notre Damehas to play USC, which will effectively foreclose any more talk of the Clausen-for-heisman, a loss for the limousine industry, but a win for Irish-haters everywhere.  The downside, of course, is the inevitable “USC is playing as well as anyone in the country right now,”  which will be a talking point for all of the frosted tipped fellows at E-SPIN. 

Picks out tomorrow…

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: ATS, Degenerate Gambler, DEGENERATES, Layla Kiffin, Noles, PAC 1+9, SEC, Spurrier, The Hat, UGA, Urban Meyer, USC

  Wife is at the movies and junior is napping, so let’s get to it.

Wisconsin (+16/47u) at The Vest: 

for the Vest, this game is like looking in one of those mirrors that makes you look ten pounds heavier, with Wisconsin being roughly the same team-philosophically speaking-as the Buckeyes are under the Vest’s stewardship .  So, the Vest should be in his comfort zone today when the cornfed Badgers roll into town.  Slothful of feet are those Badgers, and with only a mediocre passing attack, The Vest is the cerebral equal of his opponent for a change.  That said this number is little too high or put another way, Wisconsin isn’t that much fatter than OSU.  Take the generous points here and throw a bone on the under while you’re at it.  

Georgia Tech (+3) at FSU:  A week of turmoil for the ’Noles, who just can’t seem to run off Bowden-like the criminals at AIG, he’s just “too big” to fail.  The good nes for the ’Noles is that for 3.5 hours or so, they can stop hearing about how much they suck, which is considerable.  The bad news, the Yellow Jackets are technically sound and appear to be hitting their stride, and Bowden is still the Coach.  Wrong team favored, FSU implodes on itself like a dying star tonight.  GT +3.

Ole Miss (+5.5) v. ‘Bama:  Like his taller sibling, Meyer, Saban is a bit of a pill, a control freak who cannot relax and would refuse to sign your son’s hat if you saw him at a restaurant.  Also like Meyer, Saban is goood, real gooooooooooooood…  Nutt, conversely, seems like a fun guy parading around in his brim hat a la Greg Norman.  As for the X’s and O’s, Nutt’s D is salty and they have something to prove today, while ‘Bama just needs to win.  SNL loves getting the points at home and will also lay a little on the under.  Shop this one around because the line is between 4 and 5.5 depending on where you’re buying. 

Smaller plays:

Michigan/Iowa over 47

CSU (+9) over Utah

UCLA (+4) over Oregon

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

 

Tags: ACC, ATS, Darth Saban, Degenerate Gamblers, SEC, Urban

vt_middle_finger_kid_stands

Da’ “Powder Blue” U is frustratingly close to covering in this game….missed FG’s by both teams and an broken play have been the difference thus far.  GTU just picked off a crappily thrown ball, so 6-5 (9-5 unofficially) here we come.  Let’s get up off the mat…

Da’U (-3) at VTU: Regulars know SNL hates road chalk.   He also hates Da’U and is on record as saying he will vote for any political candidate willing to pull all troops from the Middle East and invade South Florida.  The sad truth is that this would only drive the hoodrats farther north. 

That said CFB investing is an endeavor which precludes emoting, and D’U is clearly the better team here.  Better on offense, better on defense.  In fact, Da’U is so statistically dominant that the line smacks of “trap.”  To make matters worse, Vincenzo is a Tech fan and every Tuesday, win or lose, SNL has to meet Vincenzo and his entourage of corpulent Italian “friends” in the back of Sal’s Fine Italian Eatery  to either pay or get paid.  So profiting from a V.Tech loss will not be well received.  Irrespective, ‘Canes roll and SNL rolls with them.  Da’U -3.

Cal (-6) v. Oregon:  The second road doggie of the day.  Why is this line so low?   Because Oregon sucks that bad and Cal plays the Men of Troy next week.  The classic look-ahead game, but Cal has the best running back in CFB and Oregon’s QB is…well….fat.  SNL realizes this is an impolitic characterization, but see above about emoting.  Cal -6

Col. St. (+19) at the Mormons:  SNL is officially off the Mormon bandwagon after last week’s shellacking to the Noles (who are this week getting shellacked by a Grothe-less USF).  Just so we’re clear, SNL is still a fan of polygamy-on paper at least.  Colo. St. is 3-0 and has a nice offense.  SNL expects the Rams to get outscored, but not by 19.  Colo. St. +19.

Washington (+9) v. Stanford:  No love for Kiffin’s successful half-brother, the Sark, or Jake Locker.  The U-dub brand just isn’t what it used to be.  By the point to get the touchdown and a field goal on this one. 

UNC has scored!!!  Down 17 and running the 2-minute offense, which is what the flat-earthers in Knoxville call “magic.”  Maybe….nahh…..

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: Da' U, Degenerate Gamblers, DEGENERATES, PAC 1+9, SEC

Not a lot of time flock-wife needs to go to TJ Maxx, maybe Bed, Bath & Beyond too, if we have the time.  SNL will be back before the 3:30 regional coverage with some strong to fairly strong picks courtesy of Fokker, one of which involves the pencil thin hombre pictured right, who is none other than the QB Da’ U and the favored son of Da’ U’s mouth-jeweled fan base. 

This means, of course, that Vinnie “Hands” Moresci, ardent supporter of the Hokies and part-time vigorish, will be watching closely.  This is never a good thing since Hands reputedly choked a man unconscious last weekend for looking at his wife a little too long.  Word to the wise:  If you see Vincenzo out and about with the missus, acknowledege and look away as if she were the center of the sun and a danger to your retinas. 

Moving on….

6-4 ATS YTD…

UNC (+3) at G. Tech:  G. Tech, full-fledged member of the protractor club, hosts Butch Davis’ Heels today.  For those new to the scene, Davis is the former coachof Da’U, which means he knows how to assemble thugs and get them eligible, even at a fine institution like UNC.  Incestuously enough, it was Davis’ old team that exposed Tech a couple of Thursday’s ago, and SNL, heedless of his hatred for the Da’U and its progeny, is looking to cpitalize.

Tech is weak on the lines of scrimmage this year as evidenced by all of the green jerseys in Tech’s backfield a week agao.  The Heels, conversely, are strong on the lines of scrimmage.  In laymen’s terms for the “hard of thinking,” this means UNC should be able to win first down more often than not, which is never a good thing for the Jackets because their QB’s arm is the CFB equivalent of Nedmo’s special fin.  The pick, UNC +3.

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: ATS, BCS, Degenerate Gambler, DEGENERATES, SEC

Ole Miss (-4/53) at South Carolina:  Regular visitors know that SNL loves to write about USC for 2 reasons:  1) A soft spot for the OBC, a great Gator and a**-kicker of (former) Gator nemesis’, UGA and UT.   As fate would have it, tGeorgia SCarolina Footballhe OBC is under the Thursday Nite Lights again this very evening, taking on a top-5 club in Nutt’s Ole Miss Rebels.  Now the bulk of you will no doubt entertain yourselves with soophomoric hyperbole predicated on the fact that the Rebels’ Caoch is “Coach Nutt”, and the South Carolina mascot is “the Cocks”.  Hah, hah.  SNL would love to engage in this banal dribble, no sarcasm intended, except that he is trying to figure out an angle on this game from the more mature perspective, i.e. beating the spread.

Dr. Saturday has penned an erudite piece on this game, the thesis of which is that the Ole Miss “brand” (as opposed to USC, Florida etc…) has not been around long enough to embed itself in the collective consciousness of the college gamblers…err….fans.  Ergo, this spread is low-which it is-for a top-5 club on the road at an unranked opponent.  SNL tends to agree, which makes Ole Miss the play here-right?  Maybe not.  Spurrier still claims some cache’, at least offensively, and Nutt has shown a propensity to shoot too soon when playing the Cocks, as was the case last year when Ole Miss promptly lost to USC after narrowly defeating a turnover plagued Gator squad.  Ole Miss has also feasted on lightweights, Memphis and fill-in-the-direction Louisiana, which means we have no real objective measure to determine how good Ole Miss really is this year.  Ole miss did, however, give up a 179 yards rushing to Memphis, which may be a harbinger of this year’s rush defense.  Even so, the OBC’s Cocks aren’t known for exploiting up the middle, so this fact may bear little on tonight’s game.

The Cocks, after making all of us suffer through a 7-3 snoozer at NC St., lit up the scoreboard against UGA.  Problem is, everyone is lighting up the scoreboard against UGA this year.  Long gone are the days we can count on the OBC’s offensive genius to turn armless Qb’s into Heisman Trohpy winners.  In fact, about all we can count on from USC tonight is a bunch of un-funny puns employing the obvious double-meaning of the word “Cock”, as show more fully below. 

At the end of the day, there’s simply not enough of a resume here to head in either direction, which means a play on either side would be G-A-M-B-L-I-N-G to say the least.  Still, SNL knows that most of the flock are quaking like the dopers on intervention to put some “action” on tonight’s game.  You know who you are Mr. “debit-card-on-BoDog”, denial will only hurt you in the long run.  In effort to satisfy your fix, however, SNL will tell you that the “value” in this line is on the Under, based on Ole Miss’ perceived ability to score and the nationally televised USC’-UGA game, which produced around 80-points.  That said value is a relative term, and SNL is going to pray that the OBC can draw up some ball plays that will allow his Cocks to hang around, so if you must, takethe under and the points, and play small!! 

Flock, before you go doubling-down on your whole $31.00 bankroll tonight, please know that this weekend’s card is the best so far from an investment standpoint.  So be judicious in your investing.  Also, please note that SNL will not take credit-win or lose-for this pick, which is purely given to assuage the degenerates among you, who are many. 

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: BCS, Degenerate Gambler, Degenerate Gamblers, Rebs

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