E-SPIN

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EaleySpikes Sure, two wrongs don’t make a right and yada, yada, yada.  But it seems to use here at SNL that the foregoing is pictorial evidence that suggests the Ealey may have been giving a few Florida players, including Spikes’ bestest bud, Haden, the business on Saturday.  True, we’ve got no temporal sense of when this fracas occurred, but it seems reasonable to assume it occurred before Brandon “The Velociraptor” Spikes went Mike Tyson on Ealey’s orbs. 

This will please Pops, who as noted, doesn’t typically accept with aplomb foul play on the part of his beloved Gators (and quite often closes his eyes and ears and yells la, la, la, la at the top of his lungs when bad behavior on the part of the Orange and Blue is afoot).  As an added benefit, this fine photograph seems to mitigate if not exonerate poor Mr. Spikes, who has been beset by naysayers of the E-SPIN variety since this issue blew up last weekend.  We just knew that no man worthy of the Orange and Blue would stoop to such levels unprovoked.  Right?

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: Ealey, Gators, Spikes, UGA

The good Doctor reports that Richt is under siege from UGA supporters hell bent on replacing Cox, whose 3 int’s arguably turned the UF-UGA tilt from the “respectable loss” realm into the “damn-UGA-got-their-***-kicked-by-UF-again” variety.  True to form, Richt will not be airing his team’s laundry to the press, which is laudable by most standards, but it does seem that explanations for UGA’s struggles will be owed as long as Richt is drawing a few million a year for his troubles. 

Speaking of which, Dawgsports‘ post-defeat write-up on the game is well articulated, so well in fact it takes those of us now living in the heightof Florida’s Renaissance back to the days of yore, when Florida’s head coach looked like a well-muscled oompa loompa and would occasionally involve himself in physical altercations with fraternity brothers.  True, Zook never even approached the success that Rich has had, but the pain of losing is universal, especially in the South where our respective football allegiance is the engine that drives our towns, economies, and often, live-which is, as my yankee brethren often point out with much sarcasm, kind of pathetic.  (No, not you Vandy, you’re not like the other boys).  Seriously, give the post a read, it’s great. 

Glass half-full or half empty?  Those Gators fans not busy defending Spikes’ eye-gouge, which is apparently going to warrant a suspension by the Commish, are lauding the UGA game as Florida’s return to form as the dominant power in CFB.  “Florida’s offense is back,” they say, “See you in Pasadena!” 

SNL has made a living mocking the ups and downs of the Gator faithful, many of whom were questioning the viability of Meyer’s offensive scheme at the mid-point of last season, so this week’s euphoria comes as no surprise.  But it’s way too soon to declare Saturday’s win over a very pedestrian UGA outfit as some sort of Waterloo.  The truth is, UGA moved the ball efficiently enough to call into doubt the conventional notion that UF’s defense is the equal of its SEC West reciprocal, Alabama.  And, the offense was spotty at times, though better, and benefitted greatly from some short field scoring opportunities which inflated the score.  True, UGA was coming off a bye and had so much at stake, which was evidenced by the jaw-boning going on on that field.  Still, is was a workmanlike win at best which, when considering the cardiac moments of the past couple of games, will do thank you very much.  Florida is still struggling to get consistent pressure from its down four and the DTs in particular aren’t getting much push.  A better effort will be called upon by the time Saban’s crew arrives in the ATL and that’s a fact.  Put another way, make sure you know well your Cancellation Policy when you book your rooms in Pasadena. 

Quickly…a thanks to the Ducks for emphatically ensuring that we won’t have to suffer from the frosted-tipped heads at E-SPIN heads telling us in unison that “USC is better than anyone in the country right now,”  throughout the month of November.    Sorry Poodle, this year’s Men of Troy are non-good and non-factors in the PAC 1 + 9 (with the “1′ being Oregon.  The inevitable downside is that Boise has another bullet, of an admittedly small caliber, to throw at the pollsters by virtue of its opening day win over Oregon.  Still a trade up.  FSU and Da’ U squeaked out winsthis weekend.  Say waht you will, Ponder continues to prove that his is good, very good, and will be playing on Sundays.  The OBC was depantsed by Laya Kiffin’s Husband, which is sad but has some upside in that UT is quickly becoming the object of Florida’s hate, and will remain so until UGA rights the ship and wins a few games in Jax. 

Finally….‘Bama has opened as a 9-point favorite over LSU, a line that seems not be reflective of LSU’s recent thumping of Auburn (who just thumped Ole Miss), and ‘Bama’s struggle v. UT.  On the other hand, ‘Bama shows up in big games under Saban, so maybe the line is about right.  We don’t have to decide until later this week. 

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: Bama, Gators, Meyer, Saban, Spikes, The Poodle, USC

halloween-football.jpg Halloween football image by jazyjc We’ll get to Forida-UGA, but mindful of the need to get our investments called in to the local vig before noon EST, we’re all business this a.m. 

Housekeeping…like so many tattooed girls we’ve met in pool halls over the years, WVU excited us under cover of darkness only to disappoint when the lights came on.  In a related story, we’ve noted that this year more than last, even the most marginally compelling of matchups has seemed to find its way to primetime television this year, which makes for a horrible noon slate for watching and more importantly, gambling.  This is no doubt due in part to E-SPIN’s unholy matrimony with the SEC, and in part because the Big 11 is horrible TV rife with slow players, corpulent chicks, and teams exchanging buckets of spit and the like after every game.  So….only 2 nooners today…

Ole Miss (-5) v. Auburn:  The frosty-tipped heads at E-SPIN , when not busy sexing starry-eyed interns in Bristol to “learn” the ropes, have been lamenting the demise of Ole Miss since the Rebels went down to (that’s “to” not “on” degenerates) the OBC early this year.  Since then, Saban’s rowdy horde has plundered The Grove, which has further eroded any widespread support for Nutt and his cronies. 

Erstwhile, on the plains, Auburn’s gimmicky offense has fallen so far its advertising on Craig’s List for world series tix.  Today, Auburn can try to get their life back against the best defense in the SEC outside of Birmingham and Gainesville.  We smell R-E-L-A-P-S-E.  Ole Miss wins easy, Ole Miss -5.

Wisconsin (-7) v. Purdue:  Only 7?  Oh yeah, Purdue got lucky and beat OSU last week.  Won’t happen again.  Wizzy in a laugher.  Wisconsin -7.

GTU (-11.5) at Vandy:  Vandy, laughing stock of the SEC football fan and pride of the league’s scholastic sorts, did there best to ruin our ‘Tussin theory last week, when they covered against the OBC’s poor performing ‘Cocks.  While erratic performance is common in South Carolina, it isn’t in the ATL where GT’s flex-bone damn near always finds the right spot.  The ‘Tussin theory will be back after the Jackets hammer the ‘Dores tonight.  Back the truck up on this one.

We’ve got two more we’re eyeballing, but these should keep you busy while we talk to our sources on the ground. 

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: ACC, ATS, Bama, Degenerate Gambler, Degenerate Gamblers, SEC

Sorry for posting late, alzheimer’s walk (we miss you Dr. Robinson) and a trip to the “Super” Wal-Mart, which would be more “Super” if it weren’t frequented by (apparently) all of Gainesville’s indigent, smoking, tatt’d trailer park denizens, and their equal-but opposite in every way-counterparts (figure it out flock)-speaking of which, “Affliction Guy” is beginning to rival “Lift Kit” Guy for the biggest a**hole title.  Nothing says badass like an Affliction Hoodie and a menthol.

Moving on…12-4 ATS in last 16, and 24-14  (we think) YTD…we’re hot at SNL and we know it…

Utah St. (-1) v. La. Lafayetted:  Why?  This game isn’t on TV (at least not that we know of), and both teams more or less suck.  All the better my pretties, Utah St. can pass, and has covered for SNL twice already against good teams.  Ergo, we expect the…hell….not even sure what the mascot is…an injun’ of some sort?  In any event, its time for the Utah St. “whatchamafaces” to win one.  Utah St. -1.

Oklahoma (-7) at Kansas:  Big Game Bob and his beleaguered Sooners go to Kansas to play Todd “Reesing Peanut Butter Cup” and the rest of the Jayhawks, assuming of course that the Kansas Hoops team hasn’t kicked the crap out of the whole lot of ‘em.  SNL has watched Kansas several times this year and can’t get over how many white dudes are on this team.  SNL still isn’t convinced that the Jayhawks recruited most of their players at the Republican Convention.  Oklahoma is sooooooo pissed, and loaded with legitimate, D-1 talent…the Sooners may actually kill (yes, kill, as in dead) Reesing today.  Oklahoma -7.

Idaho (+16) at Nevada:  Another lo-fi affair between two teams taht nobody cares about.  So sue me already!   You can follow it on the Sportline ticker.  Idaho can score and for those feeble-minded sorts who employ transitive logic to make their picks:  Idaho beat Colorado St. by 2, and Nevada lost to Colorado St. by 15.  Idaho +16. 

Iowa (+1.5) at Sparty:  Wrong team favored.  This one’s easy.

South Caroloina (-13) v. Vandy:  We explained last week how Vandy was the miracle tonic for what ails (fill in your team) at this time.  “Put some Vandy on that there wound boy!  It’ll get better real quick!”  This week, Spurrier’s Cocks will heal their sores with the miracle that is Vandy football.  The good news for Vandy is that most alumni and students are so cerebral that they don’t recognize anything (football included) that doesn’t involve Equine, Bordeaux, or Cigars as a viable pastime.  Sucks for them.  Cocks -13.

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: ATS, BCS, Degenerate Gambler, Degenerate Gamblers, Ole Ball Coach, SEC, The Visor

cowbellBefore getting into an overly in-depth diatribe about why Gator fans should relax and stop worrying about Alabama (who is not on Florida’s schedule when last SNL checked), we at SNL would like to remind you that we were 4-0 last week ATS.  Naturally, we hid our boyish glee when visiting Vinnie and the boys in the back of Sal’s yesterday to collect our dough, but that’s because we’re scared of him, and not you (except for the ‘Bama fan who has been threatening to kill SNL and his family for the last couple of weeks). 

Moving on…the spin-doctors have been overtime since Florida’s narrow win as if the Arkansas game existed in a vacuum and is therefore the sole piece of relevant evidence available to predict how Florida’s season will end.  For most of the national heads (and some local), Florida’s bloody demise will occur at the hands of the Birmingham shock troops led by Nick Saban, which seems reasonable based on the available resume of both teams to date.  The more pedestrian analysts have trumpeted this mundane argument with little more than a ”scoreboard” thesis, noting that ‘Bama drummed Arkansas by 28 whereas Florida escaped with a 3-point win.  We here at SNL find this juvenile attempt to employ the transitive properties of victories and losses to be entertaining in the way that circus monkeys are entertaining, funny for a minute or two, but lacking the depth needed to keep asses in the seats. 

The smaller-and arguably less well-reasoned-camp maintains that Florida’s come from behind victory over the is signature win that St. Tim of Tebow needed to re-focus this team, the one shining moment we will all look back on when Florida hoists the BCS trophy for the second time in a row and third time in four years this January.   The logic of this argument too lacks any real presumptive force, and not just because it is largely espoused by ex-Gator players on local airwaves-most of whom peaked vocationally when they were gifted….errr…..”earned” their physical education degree from UF, but because the “miracle” win can more easily be construed as an indictment of Florida’s offense and defense.  The offensive woes are tolerable and all, SNL included, unapologetically believed before last Saturday that as long as St. Tebow and Pope Urban remained breathing, the offense would round into form at some point.  The defense was another story, it was our heart, where we Gators pointed when opposing fan bases derided this year’s team.  This is a little harder to do after the hyped Gator D gave up 188 yards in 3 possessions after taking a 13-10 lead last Saturday.  As above, Florida was missing some bodies on the line, but this year’s D continues tro be a very-good-but-far-from-dominant unit.  This is primarily due to the difficulty Florida has had with power runners fielded by Arkansas and Tennessee, which makes Ingram seem more frightening than Vinnie, but only slightly. 

The truth, as SNL told you on Saturday, was that Arkansas is much improved since their beatdown at ‘Bama, and Florida was lacking bodies on the D-Line and largely unfocused after winning a nationally telecasted game in Baton Rouge against a top-10 opponent.  It is therefore ridiculous to suggest that this year’s version of the Gators cannot, under any circumstances, beat ‘Bama.  Should Florida be favored over ‘Bama if the game was played this week?  Probably not.  Thankfully, we don’t have to worry about that yet. 

Dis and Dat…The Noles take their low-flying circus on the road to visit former Warden of Da’ U,  Butch Davis.  We haven’t capped this game yet, but we plant to.  Layla Kiffin’s effeminate hubby is still taking shots at Meyer, though their getting slightly more veiled.  This time, Layla’s boy-toy has gone out of his way to tell all within earshot that ‘Bama is clearly better than Florida.  Presumably, this assertion comes from Kiffin’s review of film?  Irrespective, Kiffin is still the crown-prince of a losing program and better still, Florida fans can openly root for ‘Bama to crush Kiffin’s Vols this week, since the Gators will get their shot at the Tide later.  And, Colin Cowherd, one of E-SPIN’s better radio personalities, just opined that the refs gave Florida the win last week.   Based on time remaining, down and distance, and other objective factors-like Tebow on the field-this opsition seems a little off-base, but keep winning and no one will remember either way.  Terrelle Pryor is taking heat from the Buckeye fan bas and quite frankly, looking more and more like an NFL receiver…

Next…Thursday’s pick and Layla Kiffin’s Husband’s dream come true, a scathing rebuke of his continued “ass-ness” by a blooger-this blogger in fact.   

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: ATS, Bama, BCS, Darth Saban, Degenerate Gambler, DEGENERATES, Layla Kiffin, SEC, Urban Meyer, Vols

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