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  The “Woodstock-esque” outpouring of love continues in Gainesville, much to the chagrin of SNL who no longer partakes in hippie lettuce and indiscriminate acts of coitus with strangers. 

That said Florida’s dominating performance coupled with a bye week will provide some much needed time which SNL will use to dispel the myth that SEC fans suffer from severe myopia by posting on some other topics of interest to CFB fans. 

SNL will also use the time to get off the snide with his bookie, who actually bought SNL a beer last week.  For the neophytes among you, if your bookie is buying you a beer, he likes you-which is bad, very bad.  Still, 2-2 last week with a huge win on Arkansas kept SNL up on the man, but SNL hates beer and will make every effort to ensure that the book pays dearly for its insult. 

In the interim, check out the hops on Janoris!   

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Picture courtesy of The Gainesville Sun

Tags: ATS, DEGENERATES, Gators, Pahokee

 Gators back in the driver s seat after trouncing LSU  The outpouring of love for the Florida Gators in the wake of Saturday’s blowout win would undoubtedly be unprecedented were it not for the 12 month orgy that saw a 2006 BCS title sandwiched between 2 basketball chamionships.  Irrespective, the about face by Florida fans-who have become about as faithful as that girl who tells you how “special” you are when she invites you to her house at 2:00 a.m. after 30 minutes of drunken banter-is hilarious when considering that only a week ago calls for Mullen’s head were common, and some went so far as to question Pope Meyer.

Today, Gainesville is the land of “milk and honey,” where strangers stop to help one another with flat tires and assist the elderly across the street.  A quick peek into the camp of the Gator’s vanquished foe reveals that the panic, anxiety, and overall lunacy that infected Gator fans only a week ago, has found a home in Baton Rouge where, less than a year after LSU’s BCS title, the message boards are rife with seditious fans urging Les Miles’ firing.  So, Mr. Jean-Francois gets his car wreck after albeit a little closer to home than anticipated. 

The volatility and histrionics of the SEC fan bases notwithstanding, the only lesson to be taken from Saturday’s results (and this applies from Austin to Gainesville to Athens without exception) is that the 2008 season is upon us.  And, in the SEC and Big 12, which are far and away the strongest and deepest conferences in the land, the weekly fratricide will continue leaving in its wake the chaos, angst, and occasionally, elation that makes CFB the greatest sport on earth. 

SNL would be remiss for failing agree that on a number of levels, the buoyed spirits of the Gator nation appear to be soundly based for a number of reasons.  First, the Gators scored huge with “style points” Saturday.  For those who continue to deride the need to win impressively, SNL recommends a gander at this week’s polls, which now have Florida ahead of Georgia, undefeated BYU, who both won Saturday.   Like it or not, as long as subjectivity remains a core value in the BCS distillation process, big wins in high profile games are worth their weight in gold (see ‘Bama’s victory of UGA as Exhibit “A.”). 

Second, Florida, having lost once, has suffered through the “dark period” that inevitably occurs when a title contender is upset.  SNL concedes that a loss is never a good thing, but for this Gator team, the taste of defeat should remain fresh enough to prevent a second lapse to the “decent” teams as the season wears on (looking at you UK, USC, Vandy and FSU), each of which could, but should not, beat Florida.

Finally, Saturday’s resounding victory has rightfully been characterized as Florida’s renaissance-a game in which Florida found an identity which consists of Tebow distributing the ball to wildly talented speedsters, an increasingly stingy defense, and imposing special teams.  To most partisan observers, Florida’s performance Saturday was like watching the launch of the Space Shuttle after several failed attempts.  The resulting fireworks have given rise to a belief by many, including E-SPIN’s Cowherd, that Florida is one of the top-5 teams in the country. 

Unlike 2 weeks ago, there now exists ample evidence to gauge the 2008 contenders, and it is reasonable to place the Gators in the quintet of BCS-title hopefuls-for now.   Of the 1-loss contenders, USC and Oklahoma rank ahead of Florida today. 

Most pundits agree that the feebleness of the  PAC-1+9 is such that USC lacks the autonomy to make it to the BCS-title game absent more losses by the other elite.  Oklahoma, whose defense again failed to show up for a big-time game, appears poised to win out, as does Florida.  Texas has a tough road and PSU could lose to the Buckeyes.  Which makes viable a scenario whereby a bevy of 1-loss clubs must be distiguished.  If this occurs, Florida’s big-time win last Saturday will be instrumental in building the Gators’ resume.   

Still, the only certainty, for Gators, Lions, Tide, Trojans, Sooners, and Horns is that getting there will be more than half the fun.  It always is.   

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: BCS, SEC, Titletown, Urban

Admit it Gators, no one saw it coming.  That said there was visceral catharsis that enveloped the Gator nation last night during Florida’s domination of the Tigers.

For some it was the 17-point 1st quarter, for some it was Tebow’s answering the bell after LSU scored on its opening second half possession, throwing a laser to Murph to put the Gators on the LSU 2 yard-line. 

For others it was the defense’s ability to eviscerate LSU’s offensive front and make Chuck “The Truck” Scott a non-factor.

Guessing the exact moment is imprecise at best, but make no mistake, there was a moment for each Gator fan, player, and coach last night.  A moment where each Gator turned to his neighbor, teammate, coach, friend, or  just the guy sitting next to him with the knowing look that said “this night-and maybe this season-is ours.”

Savor it Gators.  Whatever your moment was, its yours to keep.  SNL is going to enjoy “Breakfast with the Gators” and get back to you.

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: LSU, Pope Meyer, Tebow, The Hat

 Gainesville Sun sports columnist, Pat Dooley, has predicted an LSU victory in The Swamp this Saturday.  This sentiment was echoed in yesterday’s MGoBlog picks, which predicted an outright victory for the Tigers as well.  Interestingly, the cacophony of learned CFB pundits has not manifested itself in Vegas, where the Gators remains 6-point favorites. 

Still, it goes without saying that those of you who make a habit of greedily gobbling the bland offerings of the pundits will become increasingly concerned as kickoff nears, praying to wahtever god you worship for a Festivus miracle to aid your Gators.   

Conversely, SNL’s confidence in the Gators remains unthawed.  This is a game that Florida must win and will win.  Sure, there will be some harrowing moments that will bring about the collective groans of 90,000 Gator fans in The Swamp, but the Gators are due.

To reiterate, SNL predicts aggressive play-calling on first down (pretty ingenious considering Florida is 7 for 30 on 3rd and 8 or longer), and a stiff run-defense bolstered by returning DT’s (see today’s paper).  LSU, imbued with confidence after breaking down Florida’s Ole Miss and Arkansas games, should be fairly predictable on 1st down, running Chuck “The Truck” into the teeth of the Gator defense.  This should result (at least early on) in a bevy unmanageable down and distance situations for the freshmen QB in the most hostile atmosphere in CFB. 

Unlike Auburn, the Gators can play offense and LSU, down by 10 at the half, will be unable to close the gap.  SNL says, 23-19 Gators.  Book it.

Working on ATS picks now, this is shaping up to be by far the best Saturday card to date so check back soon.

Tags: Fans, LSU, Pope Urban, SEC

Dear Opposing Fan:

As you can see from the calendar, the game is coming up this weekend. I’m sure you are as excited for it as I am, as our cities are rivals and have been for quite some time. Your confidence in your team is high, but rest assured, you will suffer humiliation when the sports team from my area defeats the sports team from your area.

On numerous occasions, you have expressed the conviction that your area’s sports team will be victorious. I must admit that every time I hear you make this proclamation, I react with both laughter and disbelief. “Ha!” I say to myself with laughter. “What?!” I say to myself in disbelief. How could you believe that your sports team could beat my sports team? It is clear that yours is inferior in every way.

When the sporting contest begins, the players on your team will be treated as though they are inconsequential. It will be remarkably easy for my team to accumulate more points than yours. There are many reasons for this, starting with the inferior physical attributes of the players representing your area. Strength, speed, and agility are just three of the qualities that the players on the team from your area lack. The players representing my area, on the other hand, have these traits in abundance.

I would not be a bit surprised if the individuals on the team from your area were sexually attracted to members of their own gender. That is how ineffective they are on the field of battle.

Underscoring your team’s inferiority is its choice of colors. It is ludicrous to believe that your team’s colors inspire either respect or fear. Instead, they appear to have been chosen by someone who is colorblind or, perhaps, bereft of sight altogether. The colors for my team, on the other hand, are aesthetically pleasing when placed in proximity to one another. They are a superior color combination in every way.

While we are on the subject of aesthetics, let us compare the respective facilities in which our teams play. While my team’s edifice is blessed with architectural splendor and the most modern of amenities, yours is a thoroughly unpleasant place in which to watch a sporting contest. I know of what I speak, for I once attended a game between our respective teams in your facility. Let’s just say the experience left me wishing that my car was inoperable that day due to mechanical problems, rendering it impossible for me to get to your area to attend the game.

If you need another reason why the sporting franchise representing my area is superior, look no further than the supporters for the two sides. Not only are the supporters of the team from my region more spirited, but they are also more intelligent and of finer breeding than you and the rest of your ilk. In addition, the female supporters of the team from my area possess more attractive countenances and figures than yours. Some of the women from my side that I have observed could make a living by posing for pictures for major men’s magazines. The women who cheer for your team, I’m afraid, are far too unattractive to do so.

One of the more pathetic aspects of the team from your area is the fact that only people in your immediate area possess an affinity for it. By means of contrast, the team from my area inspires loyalty and affection in individuals who live in many other geographic locations.

To illustrate this point, let me tell a brief story: Recently, I was on vacation in an area of the country far away from my own, and I saw many individuals wearing items of clothing that bore the insignia of my team. I approached one such individual and asked him if he originated from my area. He said no, explaining that he simply liked the team from my area and had for many years. Interestingly enough, during this trip, I saw no clothing or other paraphernalia bearing the insignia of your team.

Do you still doubt that the team from your area is inferior to the one from mine? Just look at our teams’ respective histories. In the past, we have defeated you on any number of occasions. Granted, there were times when your team beat my team, but those were lucky flukes.

The day of the game will soon be at hand. And no matter how hard you pray to a higher power or how many foam accoutrements you wear in support of the team from your area, your team will be defeated. We will win and you will lose. This is your fate.

Prepare for humiliation. It shall be upon you at the designated hour.

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Column Courtesy of The Onion

Tags: Fans, Rivalries

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