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Gators v. Vols Recap or, Welcome to Flori-bama!

September 21, 2009 in BCS, Degenerate Gamblers, E-SPIN, Gators, Main Content, PAC 1 + 9 | No comments

tebow-volsIt was about this time last year when the Gator Nation was eating its own, attacking Meyer’s offensive acumen and lamenting the Gators desultory (here’s link for the thick of skull flock-members) offense and its inability to score points-alot of them.  This despite easy wins over Da’ U, Hawaii and those wascally Vols.  In the weeks that followed, Florida lost to Ole Miss, St. Tim of Tebow uttered the infamous  ”promise,” and Florida beheaded its remaining opponents like a medieval Monarch.   

Fueled by pre-season hype akin to “Beetle-Mania,” or so I’m told, a laughable pre-season slate, and Kiffin’s yapper, Saturday’s game against the suddenly-cool-to-hate-again Vols was going to be Florida’s Magnus Opus, a beating of biblical proportions meted out by the Orange and Blue Jesus, Tebow.  This game, circled on Gator calendars since Kiffin’s hire, was a statement game, pure and simple.  The statement, however, was not what the blood-lusting Gators wanted, but it’s probably the one they needed. 

First, let’s set out some basic facts.  It was obvious from the second quarter forward that UT could not beat Florida and it was equally obvious after 3 quarters that the Vols weren’t trying to beat Florida.  Florida punted only once and was a Tebow fumble away from posting 30 on UT.  Still, there’s no denying that on some level Kiffin got what he wanted, a “respectable” loss, and the Vol spin doctors are giddy with their “progress” under the Kiffin regime through 3 games.  Lost amidst UT’s euphoria are a couple of facts:  The Vols are 1-2 with a home loss to a PAC-10 team, and Florida is the top-ranked team and most consistent program in the country.  Framed as such Kiffin’s zeal in losing a not-as-close-as-it-seemed game to Florida (UT’s 4th consecutive loss to Florida) is more of an indictment of where his program is than the final score, however lopsided, could ever be.   In other words, the Vols are Ernie Els to Florida’s Tiger Woods.  Kapish?

For the Gators, it may be time to accept this year’s team for what it is, which is an excellent defense and an offense built around a power running game and make no mistake, Florida is a power running team no matter how many guys you see lining up at receivor.    If you look across the aisle Gator fan, you’ll see that your likely date in the A-T-L this year is fiendishly employing this same recipe albeit in slightly different fashion.  Darth Saban, whose Tide looks every bit the equal of Florida through 3 games, like Meyer, knows how to win.  Run.  Force turnovers.  Crush your opponents resolve with bone jarring hits on both sides of the ball.  For some, the transition may be difficult, the hi-fi pyro-technic display seared into our collective psyche by Harvin and Murphy put on last year was great.  Now, the Gator Nation is in effect breaking up with that really hot girl with a store-bought pair and questionable morals for the smart and pretty girl that you can present to the parentals without hesitation.  Sure, there will be the occasional E-SPIN highlight to satisfy the talking heads,  akin to a drunken make-out with your loose ex while your current is out of town, but you must stay the course!    In the end, the pretty and smart girl with a college degree and foresight is more than ample to get you where you want to be.  And, this years lo-fi edition can still do something that no other Gator team has ever done, win ALL of it’s games.  Do this and no one will remember that you didn’t beat Tennessee by 40 points.  A point which Meyer is well aware of. 

Moving on…SNL is 6-4 ATs through 3 weeks.  Left some easy winners on the table this week, but flock members who were around last year know that weeks 5 through 11 are where the coin is made.  FSUwas impressive and helped UF’s SOS with a dominant win over the Mormon hordes.  Maybe some of the ‘Noles will be “making it rain” in a strip club near you after all.  The Men of Troy, helmed by the Poodle, have blissfully let us all off the hook early this year, losing as a 19-point favorite at Washington.   For those who missed it, Jake Locker was phenomenal in the 4th-quarter.   Unlike year’s past, however, this year’s Trojans suck, predictable on offense, no playmakers at wideout.  Stay tuned, more losses to come, maybe SNL will start following the Poodle’s “tweets.”  LSU is getting better each week, and bye the bye, how impressive does LSU’s win at Washington look now? 

Coming soon……

Thurday’s Picks

Vincenzo’s Revenge

WHY SNL is smarter than you (wayyyyyyyyyy smarter, in fact)

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: ATS, BCS, Degenerate Gamblers, Gators, LSU, Urban, Urban Meyer, Vandy

Gators and Vols: Setting the Table (and Thursday’s Pick for the Degenerates, 4-2 ATS)

September 16, 2009 in ACC, ATS, Degenerate Gamblers, Dr. Saturday, E-SPIN, Gators, Layla Kiffin, Main Content, Pope Meyer, Vols | No comments

 

“I have a high art, I hurt with cruelty those who would damage me.” – Urban Meyer, 2009 A.D.

Fueled by the Boy Wonder’s pre-season comments, which are all the rage on E-SPIN and the other mainstream outlets, the Gator Nation is giddy like a bunch of teenage girls at the eighth-grade social in anticipation of a beatdown of the once (again) hated Vols in The Swamp this Saturday.  Gainesville Sun Sports writer, Pat Dooley, has penned a column explaining why a complete beheading of the Vols won’t be as easy as expected, and SNL tends to agree. 

Irrespective, the Vegas overlords, in typical overreactive fashion, have established Florida as a 29.5point favorite.  This has had the predictable effect on UF fans, who now collectively believe that anything short of 35-point beatdown of the Kiffin-led Vols will be construed as an intolerable sign of weakness.  Factor in the infamous TO against UGA last year, and the field goal against Um latre in the 4th, and one can easily understand why the Gator Nation feels that a debasing of UT is as certain as tomorrow’s sunrise.

For Gator fans, SNL has some advice, which is predicated on years of watching the Vegas spread become the de facto litmus test for success:  This game will be much closer than you think.  So take a deep breath, spend a few moments in “downward dog” or whatever pacifies your inner-child because SNL is here to tell you that UT is not the directional schools you’ve grown accustomed to over the last 2 weeks.  To the contrary, the Vols bring a cast of talented players, highly paid assistants, and they’re desperate.  The Vols have also spent a week listening to how bad they are, while your beloved Gators have continued to have praised heaped upon them as if Tebow himself were their Quarterback. 

For their part, the vocal minority of UT loyalists, at least those permeating the local airwaves, have already have jumped off or on the Kiffin bandwagon (depending on their original stance), in large part based on last week’s close loss to UCLA.   To be fair to the UT faithful, there is precious little in the way of empirical evidence to go on, Kiffinis 5-15 as a head coach, withthe bulk of his losses coming at the helm of the Raiders, the most consistently dysfunctional NFL franchise over the last decade.  So overreacting to 1 game is understandable. 

Using 2 games as the parameter for judgment, which is all UT really has at this point, necessarily means that Saturday’s game, for the Vols at least, is going to be perceived as a harbinger in one direction or the other, at least for this season.  If UT shows some of the bellacosity that its Coach displayed when he was rocking the mic on the pre-season circuit, the Vols can be somewhat certain that the Kiffin is the man for the job.  If, however, his team gets run out of the building, the wheels will begin to come off, even if Layla agrees to wear a bikini to the remainder of UT’s games.

Kiffin has smartly used his coaching acumentto cling to the “we have no chance” mantra as if it were a lifeboat and UT just sank with the Titanic.  Despite Kiffin’s pleas to the contrary, it seems, however, that there is at least somepressure on UT to perform well on the heels of what most objective and partisan observers would say is an embarrassing home loss to a middle-of-the-road PAC 1+9 team.  True, the loss to UCLA is somewhat embarrassing on its face, but UCLA has a pair of behemoth DT’s one of whom, Brian Price, is a likely NFL lottery pick.  Rocky Top Talk has a good write-up on how some D-Line adjustments by UCLA impacted UT’sability to run with any consistency which contributed greatly to the loss for the nerdier among you. 

Irrespective of UT’s self-proclaimed liberation from expectations vis’a'vis the loss to UCLA and UF’s unchallenged superiority, the Vols play in the SEC and Kiffin will be granted only so many mulligans before the local press begins to ask “how much is it to buy him out again?”  The pressure to play well at the storied programs of the SEC is as ubiquitous as strip malls in Florida, pick-ups in Ally-Bammy, and missing teeth in Gawgia.  So UT’s self-professed freedom makes a compelling argument for scribes who lack an alternative storyline, but SNL ain’t buying it.  These are still kids and E-SPIN will advance its unholy matrimony with the SEC by unrelentingly playing the video of Kiffin’s rant to UT partisans to add intrigue to a game that would otherwise lack national interest to anyone wo isn’t a degenerate gambler.  Along those lines, Florida is an unheard of 29.5 point favorite, which is absolutely ridiculous.  (For comparative purposes, UF opened as a 32.5-point fav over lowly Troy, who was cleansed by Bowling Green the week before). 

Thus, the real question for UT loyalists (and Gator fans albeit for different reasons), is whether Kiffin and the sophomoric but admittedly entertaining arrows he slings at SEC heavyweights like Meyer and Saban constitute a mere sideshow, like the “Bearded Lady” or “World’s Tallest Man,” or whether this boy-toy can lead the Vols back up the mountain.  True, straight outta’ Crompton may throw 4 picks and UF will win easily.  Brantley may play the 4th quarter and throw a touchdown himself. But fear is and always will be the true opiate of combat, so expect UT to play a physical game.  Even so, 38-17, UF. 

Moving on….

G. Tech (+6) at Miami:  Mr. Miagi once said, “man who catch fly with chopsticks accomplish anything,” which has nothing to do with this post, but sounds prophetic in a cliche Asian-esque way.  So, where are these 2 teams?  UM is 1-0 and flying high after a road victory over a (laughably) top-20 ‘Nole outfit who, bye the bye, has since nearly lost to Jacksonville St.  G. Tech is coming off a Thursday night game against Clemson, which they won after surrendering a large lead.  Survey says, however, that Da’ U plays undisciplined defense, and no offense outside of Navy requires discipline like Tech’s.  Johnson is like a lo-fi Urban, and his guys will show up and execute, pushing the sale of pocket-protectors to an all-time high on the GTU campus.  Shannon is a lo-fi Bowden, who’s marquis trait is the ability to mold top-notch recruits into under-performing college players, pushing to an all-time high the illicit sale of hot Tech-9’s in Dade County.  Tech routed Da’ U last year, and will play within the number this year.  The public appears to be all in on Da’ U, so wait for this line to hit 6.5 and buy the hook.  GTU +7.   

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: ACC, ATS, Degenerate Gambler, Layla Kiffin, Meyer, Vols

College Football: The way it is is the way it was (for the most part).

September 15, 2009 in ACC, BCS, BIG 10, Dr. Saturday, E-SPIN, Foolmer, Gators, PAC 1 + 9, The Hat, The Poodle, Vols | No comments

  The season is a mere 2 weeks old and, as always, the drama of CFB has seen the fortunes of many diametrically altered in a span of 3 and a hal hours this past Saturday.  In general, what stands out the most to SNL is not the ostensible resurgence of the Wolverines or comeuppance of the Houston Cougars, it’s the plodding inefficiency of specific regimes who thought  they were something other than what they are, but are in reality, are who they already were.  There’s also a few, who are what they never have been.  Make sense?   Let Me explain:

1.  The Vestwas bludgeoned again by The Poodle.  There is a great write-up on the Buckeyes’ offensive ineptitude on Dr. Saturday’s site, and SNL would be re-plodding plowed ground were he to get into all of them.  But some of the more noticeable deficiencies include the complete absence of the zone-read, which is the staple of every spread offense from Ann Arbor to Gainesville (and about a thousand high schools in between), and the failure to make USC cover the field (all of it, that is) by checking to a bubble screen when the Trojans (purposefully neglected) to place a man over the slot receiver.  

In laymen’s terms, Ohio State was advertised as a newly constructed offense built on the skills, shoulders and tattoos of its phenom QB (save some canvas TP, you may want to add a few more when you’re languishing on the bench in the NFL).  What Ohio St. is, however, is the same unimaginative, poorly coached and schemed offense that hasn’t been able to beat a team of equal talent since 2002-for those of you parochial by nature, this means a team outside the Big 10.  What is certain, or as certain as anything after 2 weeks, is that  Rich Rodriguez-irrespective of this year’s outcome-is a better coach than The Vest, and Big Blue will run The Vest out of town in another year or two.  Even worse, there is nothing left on the Buckeye schedule sufficient to buoy this year’s Buckeyes into the national consciousness.  In sum, OSU remains the team that is better than the other teams in its conference, but incapable of beating the best teams in the SEC, Big 12, or PAC 1 + 9, at least for now.

2.  Kiffin’s credentials, aside from his bridal selection, are worthy of questioning.  In fact, if you closed your eyes during the UCLA/UT game on Saturday for any reason other than excessive alcohol consumption, this game looked exactly like last year’s crap-bowl between these teams which was coached not by UT’s blonded boy-toy, but by his corpulent predecessor, Fool-mer.  The offense was straight outta’ Crompton, with the 5th-year senior throwing for less than 100 yards and 3 picks.  It seems safe to say the Fulmer could have could have produced this result and saved the school a ton of money and off-season embarrassment.  Speaking of which, Kiffin should be mouth agape by midway through the second-quarter this Saturday and suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder by 6:00 EST or so.  Best part:  Fulmer is CBS’ SEC analyst.  In sum, Kiffin is just a mouthier version of the old boss, and he’s also the Jabrone that marched into CFB’s most hyper-competitive conference (and its not even close) and made an ass out of himself without any independent achievements to support his sophomoric hubris.  

3.  Rich-Rod.  Say what you will about this guy, he’s a liar, he breaks the NCAA’sludicrous practice constraints for the NFL feeder league that is NCAA football etc…  This guy can Coach.  True, Michigan and ND both looked undersized and slow on the defensive side of the ball, but how can you not like this Forcier cat?  He’s small and ornery, like NCAAF’s version of Tanner from The Bad News Bears, and, unlike USC’s frosty-tipped signal caller, looks like he’s not a complete douche. 

4.  The OBC can still draw up some plays and, still struggles on occasion in the red zone.  3 field goals on possessions inside UGA’s 20, along with the worst kickoff coverage this side of Zook undid the Cocks, but credit the OBC for putting on a show following the nationally televised cat-fight with NCSU.   

5.  It’s official, USC is now poised for 2 weeks of BCSCG hype, followed by an untimely loss-or 2 if Saturday’s vanilla performance is a harbinger-and a season-ending win streak which will prompt the E-SPIN heads to sing in unison “SC is playing as well as anyone in the country right now.”   While it would be nice for Florida deliver a solid a**-kicking of the prophylactics in the BCSCG, the key to this wish is the phrase “right now,” which impliedly points out that the Trojans will have sucked against someone else that also sucks a month or so before. 

6.  Florida’s trip to Baton Rouge looks a little rosier to the uninitiated.  LSU was outgained by over 200 yards in Washington last week and judging by the scoreboard, struggled to put away Vandy.  This sentiment, which seems common amongst Florida fans, belies the fact that LSU was never threatened by Vandy, and coasted to relatively convincing victory nonetheless.  And, playing Vandy is about as exciting as drunk-dialing an ex-girlfriend at 2 a.m. becuase the girl you were buying drinks for all night lef with your buddy.  Still, it would be nice to see  The Hat joining The Vest and the cherub-faced Kiffin on the first train outta’ town if the Tigers get cleansed by the Gators on October 11, but don’t count on it.  

7.  Florida State’s trip to Gainesville looks like a horror show.  Hell, the ‘Noles may get pummeled so bad by the polygamists next week that they may just forfeit the remainder of the season.  The only upside for SNL is watching Bownden hem and haw on his
Sunday program, dropping punchy 1-liners like “I don’t know who #19 is,” and “I can’t remember what play we had called there.”  Like all sentient beings, SNL likes Bowden, but his equity in the program has dwindeld to an all-time low and it may be time to move on.  Bowden for Senate!  For the uninformed, the ‘Noles squeaked by Jackson St. last week after trailing most of the 4th-quarter.  Would it be an overstatement after 2 games to say the Florida State sucks-again?  Probably not.  But always looking to err on the side of caution, SNL will refrain from making so strident a statement for fear of a bellicose response from the ‘Nole readers, who don’t know what that last sentence means.  But, after Tech kicks the crap out of Da’U this Thursday, all bets are off.

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: BCS, Degenerate Gambler, LSU, Meyer, The Hat, The OBC, the Vest, UT

An Absurdly Premature look at FSU and Miami

September 8, 2009 in ACC, Dr. Lou, Dr. Saturday, Gators, Main Content, PAC 1 + 9 | No comments

Like many Gator Fans, SNL was hoping for a ‘Nole victory last night for several reasons, some obvious, some not.  The obvious were rooted in the transitive property of playoff-less CFB, which means that all fans are bound to root for teams they play to boost their own team’s SOS.  The inobvious include harrowing trips to the OB in the 90’s which brought SNL close to scores of fans of Da’U sporting mouth jewelry, giant gold-plated chains purchased from the pagoda at the Dadeland mall, and driving $2,000.00 cars with $6,000.00 worth of accessories.  In sum, it’s easy to hate Da’ U (or what’s left of it), irrespective of who is coaching, playing, or rooting for them.  For fans of Da’ U who may be hard of reading, here’s a pictorial summation:  grillz

Hatred aside, it’s hard to argue with Miami’s performance last night against a top-20 opponent on the road.  jacoryJacory Harris was better than good, especially when considering the impotence of Miami’s offense in the previous years.  Dr. Saturday placed this fact into perspective with the following quote:  “…especially when you consider where Miami’s offense is coming from after four years of arch conservatism from coordinators Greg Olson and Patrick Nix. Under Nix the last two years, Miami averaged 6.4 yards per pass, a little over 11 yards per completion and just shy of four passes of 15 yards or longer per game. Against FSU, Harris averaged 11.4 yards per pass, over 18 per completion, and had 12 completions of at least 15 yards, all but one to players who should be back in 2010.”

The ‘Canes hopes for 2009 are further bolstered by the unfortunate demise of OU and its star QB, Sam Bradford, which seems to make the upcoming game with the Sooners (who bludgeoned the ‘Canes last year) a winnable game.  In sum, after 1 weekend of football, the skies are opening for the ‘Canes, who have a de facto 2 game lead over the onlydecent team in their division, at least for this week.

If there’s a plus for an avowed Cane hater, it’s that Miami may become relevant much quicker aniticipated and therefore, hating Da’ U will be back in fashion before you know it.  A la the title of this post, this assessment is absurdly premature and will be all but forgotten if the Canes continue to give up points and yards to their ACC peers (who dropped 2 games to bowl subdivision teams this past week, bye the bye).

Things are not so sweet in Tallahassee, home of the hated ‘Noles and the cadre of gorgeous co-eds who love them.  Bowden has been characterizing this game as the “3rd Greatest Game” he’s been associated with, with the other 2 being the loss to the Holtz-led Irish in the early 90’s, and one of the several narrow defeats to the ‘Canes in the mid-90’s.  For thos who claim no affiliation with the ‘Noles and in fact, revel in their recent mediocrity, Bowden’s take does little other than confirm that he’s an affable old fella’ that’s difficult not to like.  That said Bowden’s willingness to categorize this game as one of his “greatest losses” has to be grating for the FSU-loyalists.  For comparative purposes, imagine the hyper-competitive generals in Tuscaloosa or Gainesville uttering such blasphemy.

True, the future for FSU is not entirely bleak, the ACC looks worse than advertised after 1 week of football, and FSU’s offense is clearly much improved.  That said the FSU defense has clearly regressed and with games at BYU and Florida, along with road dates with NC and BC, FSU looks to be a team that will end much this year much the same as last, with 8 wins and an afterthought bowl game.  That said the conference looks weak enough to allow FSU win 9 games, but provides only 2 viable opportunities for FSU to redeem itself; 1 in Provo and 1 in Gainesville.  The latter seems wholly unattainable and therefore, in effort to stay within the theme of this post, SNL will make an absurdly premature assessment:  FSU’s date with the suddenly chic Cougars of BYU is a “must win” in order to reinstate the ‘Noles into the stream of consciousness and make them a viable BCS game contender. 

Elsewhere….Ohio State has opened as 7 point underdog to the Men of Troy.  Given that both are top-10 teams and factoring in that this game is a night game in The Shoe , this line is remarkable and shows just how little faith the masses have when it comes to OSU playing top-notch programs outside the Big 10-which really isn’t so “Big” these days…Florida managed to pack The Swamp for Charleston Southern, a 70-point underdog, which should tell us a little about why UF and other SEC heavyweights refuse to scehdule home-and-home series with better teams…Georgia’s hobbled running back, Caleb, will suit up when UGA visits the OBC this weekend…UT fans are giddy like sugared up 12-year old girls at a slumber party in the wake of their throttling of WKU….

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Florida’s 2009 wish list & a Layla Kiffin tribute.

August 23, 2009 in BCS, E-SPIN, Gators, PAC 1 + 9, PAC 10, Pope Meyer, UGA, Vols | No comments

Are you kidding?

Seriously?

What is there to wish for if you’re a Florida Gator in 2009?  You’ve won 2 of the last three National Titles, boast the most recognizable and revered college football player in the last 30 years (and possibly ever), the best coach-sorry Pete, and begin the season where you left off, a near unanimous No. 1. 

The foregoing facts have fueled a cacophonous symphony of praise from the E-SPIN heads to the local talk show hosts.  Yep, the Gator Nation is fat and happy.  And, with an opening date with Charleston Southern, a 73-point underdog, there’s not much to talk about until Florida welcomes SEC newbie, Layla Kiffin’s husband to The Swamp.  Right?  Wrong. 

Florida has-and in some respects rightfully so-been suffering a quiet smear campaign as a result of its woeful non-conference schedule.  SNL knows, the SEC “grind” is second to none in the paradigm of conference strength, and this will continue to be the case in the foreseeable future.  That said the precipitous downfall of Auburn and UT, coupled with the impotence of Spurrier’s ‘Cocks (pun intended), has damaged the SEC’s Street-Cred, at least temporarily. 

So, what Florida fans should be rooting for can be distilled down to the following: 

  1. UT beats-no crushes-the Cuddly Bruins from the PAC 1+9.  While we’re at it, let’s hope the lascivious E-SPIN camera men are smart enough to fill our high-def screens with images of the giddy Jessica Simpson….errrr…I meant Layla Kiffin.
  2. FSU beats Da’U and crushes the polygamists of BYU (lucky bastards!).  Seriously, rooting against FSU is so indelibly tattooed on Gators its difficult to do, but Florida is in desperate need of the SOS.
  3. Steve Superior’s ‘Cocks prevail over the yet another cuddly group of Wolves at NCSU.  This game takes on added import as it is opening day, which means degenerate gamblers with far more money than SNL-and presumably, wives who are willing to wear shoes not made by Prada-will be boozing and wagering like sugared-up 12-year olds at a slumber party.  The conference needs a strong showing here.
  4. Saban’s Storm Troopers crush the formidable-but-painful-to-watch Hokies.  SNL knows that every Hokie slight brings him closer to death via Vinnie “Hands” Randazzo and his entourage of guinea soldiers.  Still, VT is the likely ACC champ and in today’s playoff-less world, the “X beat Y which beat Z” argument holds a lot of sway with the more feeble-minded fans (and some analysts too). 
  5. UGA beats what’s-his face at Okie State.  Yeah, SNL knows that the “what’s-his-face” referred to here is “A MAN!!!”, still, he’s Zooker’s cohort which in and of itself is sufficient reason to root for his demise.  Throw in the current Big 12 v. SEC rivalry, and there’s no compelling reason not to wish for a demoralizing defeat for the Cow-girls in Stillwater.   

The moral of the story is that a single loss by the Florida juggernaut this year may be sufficient to derail any hopes at an unprecedented 3rd appearance in 4-years in the BCSG.  The axiomatic (look it up flock) conclusion is that UF, more so than in any year in recent memory, is in need of a strong showing from its opponents.  

Next:  Opening lines and investment opportunities. 

 

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

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