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PLAYING WITH HOUSE MONEY: 2-0-1 ON THURSDAY (16-11-1 ytd)

October 3, 2008 in ACC, Girls, SEC, SEC Fans | No comments

  SNL has every intention of bragging incessantly about last night’s winners.  However, after last night’s USF game, there exists a need to comment on the USF fan base following last night’s loss to Pitt. 

For starters, there is little doubt that the USF crowd (in which every man, woman and child is holding a beer) has a convicted felon ratio of 1 in 3.  Seriously, the mascot for USF should be the “Bench warrant.”  SNL can’t help but be reminded of the Orange Bowl crowd (back in the days (when Da’ U fielded a football team). You know, ”grills,” gold chains with UZI’s dangling from them, that sorta thing.  Every E-SPIN camera that looked to the crowd caught drunk 20-somethings tossing girls in the air, silly mardi gras beads, gotees, tatts-seriously, does this school turn anyone away?  SNL was seriously wondering if there was a recruiting booth for the ”Gangster Disciples” outside the stadium.

TAMPA, FL - NOVEMBER 17: Fans of the University of South Florida Bulls celebrate a touchdown against the Louisville Cardinals at Raymond James Stadium on November 17, 2007 in Tampa, Florida. USF won 55 - 17. From Getty Images.

You should know SNL has no personal grudge against USF and, has a ton of respoect for the coaching staff, but that crowd is an embarassment.  Sorry for the rant-now, let’s make some money….

Those of you who followed SNL yesterday were led to the promised land-which makes SNL your “Moses” in a figurative sense.  SNL’s success also brought back fond memories of an anti-trust class in law school, during which SNL sat in the back row and studied CFB lines, stats and trends.  Yes friends, it was in the hallowed halls of UF’s College of Law that SNL perfected the art of handicapping.  Which segues into another interesting nugget. 

SNL has hit something in the range of 71% of his picks in weeks 5 through 12 over the last three years.  Which means that those of you blessed (or cursed) with a strident affect, stand to be rewarded in the coming weeks.  Even better, we are playing with house money by virtue of last night’s sweep, so here’s another winner:

BYU (-29/58o) v. Utah State:  The Latter Day Saints seem to have it all these days, teenage wives, happy kids, a very good football team-and the feds haven’t raided the compound to boot.  On the gridiron, the ethnically homogenous Cougars have outscored their last 2 opponents 103-0. 

Utah St., conversely, has lost only 1 game by less than 38, a 27-17 loss at UNLV.  Utah St. did manage get into the “W” column last week by beating Idaho (who lost 70-0 to Arizona).  Still, Utah St. remains horrible and BYU remains good.  For those of you who lack a cerebral cortex, here’s the equation:  BYU = Very Good:  Utah St. = Very Bad:  Therefore, BYU greater than Utah St. (by more than 29).

Lay the heavy road chalk with impunity and as always, thoughts or insight are welcome. 

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: ATS, Degenerate Gamblers, USF

Tailgating in The Grove

September 25, 2008 in Fans, Girls, Main Content, SEC, SEC Fans | No comments

If you’ve never to Mississippi-good for you!  SNL can confirm that generally, unless you enjoy mocking the corpulent, poor and uneducated, there’s no need to hop on Orbitz and plan a trip.  There is, however, one notable exception- a statistical outlier of sorts- which is Oxford and more specifically, The Grove on gameday. SNL never kids about life’s most serious topics, girls, booze and football, and The Grove is a veritable oasis of all 3 amidst the desert of culture that is the remainder if “Missip.” 

Seriously, The Grove can easily slake the thirst of the boozingest, skirt-chasingest, football lovin’ fool on the plantet.  Now, it has been surmised by others much wiser than SNL that The Grove’s appeal is, at least in part, due to its contrast with the rest of the state (and most of the deep south for that matter), which is hot, humid, barren, and overall largely the same as it was when the North invaded in the mid 1800’s.  This is a plausible hypothesis, but after experiencing The Grove (once mind you), any sane person will vehemently disagree. 

Gameday at The Grove is similar to attending a Southern Ball, replete with debutantes and aristocrats from all walks of life.  Candelabras, chandelilers, tophats, canes, even monacles can be found (SNL could swear that Mr. Peanut was present in a Rebel jersey).  Rife with saddle shoes, BMW’s, men dressed like Colonel Sanders and khakis-the scene is truly surreal and resembles a gala event for the southern aristocracy circa 1850 more than a football game.   

Also, despite the fact that the crowd is seriously, seriously homogenous (as in, not a brutha’ in sight-well, a few, but not many), the omnipresent Rebel Flags, which in most cases are flown triumphantly from raggedy automobiles by complete losers, somehow morph into a calming symbol of solidarity once you enter The Grove. 

 

Unfortunately for Ole Miss, the transcendant experience of The Grove will be nowhere near The Swamp this Saturday when the mighty Gators emerge from the tunnel…so, put on your big boy pants, next post is all about football….

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: Ole Miss, SEC, Tailgating

GATOR CO-EDS OF THE DAY

September 17, 2008 in Fans, Girls, Main Content, SEC, SEC Fans, SEC Girls | No comments

SNL is still digesting the nuggets of the day and will post soon.  In the interim, enjoy 2 of Florida’s finest courtesy of SNL.

MO’ M-O-N-E-Y & WELCOME TO THE CIRCLE OF TRUST

September 13, 2008 in ACC, Cheerleaders, Degenerate Gamblers, Girls, Main Content, PAC 10 | No comments

  Loyal members of the flock (which is approximately 35 strong according to google), SNL welcomes you to the “Circle of Trust,”  which confers to you many benefits.  Well, maybe not many, but at least one:  WINNERS!!!  After last night’s Baylor romp, SNL is now a strong 7-3-1 ATS, which is a damn site better than the goombahs peddling their GOYS, POWS, and Locks.  No thanks is necessary, but adulation, kudos, and even worship would be nice surrogates.  Now….
Missouri (-26.5) v. Nevada:  Missouri, newly anointed CFB royalty, showed the nation that it will again be unstoppable on offense when it outdueled Zooker and the “Juice.”  Led by its vertically challenged QB, Chase Daniels, the party-line on Mizzou as spun by the E-SPIN machine is that Chase will win the Heisman and his team will coast unchallenged until meeting Stoops semi-pro team in the Big 12 Championship.  Whatev…
In its 35-19 loss to the Red Raider, another offensive juggernaut, Nevada had 28 first downs (to TT’s 20), 488 total yards (to TT’s 421), and held the ball almost 14 minutes longer.  For those flock members that are slothful of wit, Nevada can score on Mizzou’s defense-alot.  Not enough to win, but more than enough to cover this gratuitous line.
Pick:  Nevada +26.5
BYU (-8) v. UCLA:  The spoils for victorious gridiron gladiators of UCLA, as shown above, are significant.  And, after bludgeoning Fulmer’s well-fed Vols in front of a national audience, the Vegas goombahs have offered to the degenerates a touchdown for Bruins backers.  Why?  For starters, because BYU’s 1 point (and now infamous) victory of UW was not nearly as close as the score indicated-BYU outgained the Huskies by almost 200 yards and, some redzone miscues not withstanding, could have sent the woeful Huskies limping to their dens early in the third quarter.
Nonetheless, there are two reasons that UCLA, who handed BYU a beatdown last year in the city of Angels, will prevail:  1) The ironically bear-like DT’s of UCLA will cause chaos for BYU; and 2) Coaching.  Previous posts have illuminated the omniscience that results from the Neuheisel/Chow equation, and the brain-trust will again show the nation and more importantly, the Men of Troy, that UCLA is on the rise.
Pick:  UCLA +8
 
Georgia Tech v. VTU (-7):   VTU did little to heal its psyche last week.  Sure, the Hokies won 24-7, but they were up only 3-0 at the half, and mustered an anemic 14 first downs-which, was only 1 more that Furman put up against the ghost of VT’s defense.  More depressing than the uniforms, the offense, or the death of “Bimmer-ball,” however, is that Furman outgained the Hokies by 160 yards through the air.
This year’s Tech team, conversely, is a paragon of contrasts; its offense, a struggling neophyte with some potential; its defense a nasty bunch who can get after the QB and refuse to allow their opponents to run the ball.  Period.  In the nebulous “intangible” category, the Techies, protractors and all, are a team that is swelling with confidence.  Erstwhile, in Blacksburg the stooped shoulders are reminiscent of last year’s Miami squad, which was ready to quit after 2 games.
Unfortunately, the wistful Hokie backers hoping for a resurrection of Bimmer-ball this week will get instead a Yellow Jacket insurgence.
Pick:  Georgia Tech +7
Girls SNL likes, but not enough to commit to or bring home to mom:
Rice + 8.5
GT/VT u38
MTSU +18 
-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: ACC, BIG 10, Big 12, Cheerleaders

USC SWEATERS V. OSU SWEATER VEST AND MANDEL ON THE GATORS

September 11, 2008 in BIG 10, Degenerate Gamblers, Girls, Main Content, PAC 10, SEC | No comments

 SNL has scrutinized from a myriad of angles the potential outcome of a contest featuring the USC sweaters and the Vest, popularized (somewhere) by Ohio St. Coach, Tressel.  Without overtly divulging the winner, let’s just hope that the football game is more evenly matched for the Buckeyes.

USC v. Ohio St., cleverly dubbed “trobuckalypse” by Dr. Saturday, has quickly become one of the least anticipated top-5 matchups in CFB history.  Naturally, this is largely due to the Buckeyes uninspiring win over Da’ Baby ‘U last week, which was admittedly pathetic.  That said the national pundits, including Mandel (below) and Herbstreit, have sounded strangely similar to the Presidential Candidates this week as they laud Ohio State’s talent as every bit the equal of USC’s, but conclude that USC simply cannot lose this game, and should win handily.

Degenerate Gamblers are on board with this assessment as over 70% of the money wagered to date has been on the favorite, despite a jaw-dropping opening line of 10.5.  SNL, for one, would like to remind everyone that while USC is strong, VIRGINIA is freakin’ terrible-as in, won’t win more than 3 games in the lowly ACC this year and barely managed to triumph over Richmond.  Naturally, this means that the Men of Troy’s absolute trouncing of the swordless Cavaliers IS essentially meaningless-despite the national media’s corporate by-line:  “USC traveled all the way across the country and pounded a BCS team.”  Virginia, which lost nearly every signficant contributor to last year’s team which, oh yeah, won five games by less than 5 points and was woefully inept on offense, is no more a BCS team than Duke.

Also embedded in the collective psyche of the CFB world are the Buckeyes’ colossal failures in the BCS title game and to a lesser extent, the perceived weakness of the Big 10 as a whole.  Despite how vogue SEC (and USC) fans find it to pile on the Big 10, and especially, the Buckeyes, the talent gap between these two teams is negligible.  So it is surprising, to say the least, that the Buckeyes have gone from preseason No. 1 to nothing more than another lamb for the invincible Trojans who, for all of their non-conference success, have blown it plenty over the past two seasons to much lesser opponents.

Intangibles aside, this game likely boils down to the Buckeyes ability to protect the QB and put together some semblance of a passing game, which they have been unable to do when matched up with D-lines of commensurate experience and talent.  SNL suspects this is not lost on “the Vest,” who, despite his dubious choice of sideline garb, fields a very talented team and is very aware that he will have to loosen up USC’s run-stoppers to have any hope of success.  For Buckeye backers, this game is yet another chance to show that its raison de’ etre’ is not limited to  blackening the eyes of its little sisters in the Big 10 and summarily surrendering to the first foe of equal or greater talent.

In sum, Ohio State is no more a punching bag than USC is an unconquerable fortress of football greatness.  WHOA!!! The Trojans, untested by the lamb that is UVA, are more than capable of losing this contest, particularly if their gunslinging quarterback continues his Favre-esque penchant for forcing the football into tight coverage.

ELSEWHERE…

 

Stewart Mandel SI’s premier CFB pundit, Stewart Mandel, handsome devil that he isn’t, crafted the following response to an e-mail query this week:

I’ll cut right to the chase. Florida overrated? Miami underrated? Or somewhere in between?
– Kyle, Miami

Despite the final score, Miami showed a lot of progress last Saturday night. The ‘Canes’ influx of young talent on defense seemed to have an immediate effect, holding down Tim Tebow and the Gators’ cast of skill players for the better part of three quarters. And the impact of new defensive coordinator Bill Young, formerly of Kansas, was undeniable. Miami mixed up its blitzes and coverages far more than it did when Randy Shannon was still calling the shots on defense (though in his defense, Shannon didn’t have much need for trickery back when his arsenal included Ed Reed, Sean Taylor, Jonathan Vilma, Antrel Rolle …)

Are the ‘Canes underrated? That’s hard to say when they weren’t “rated” to begin with. SI picked Miami to go 7-5 going into the season, and that’s probably still a fairly realistic projection. Because of their youth, the ‘Canes figure to be inconsistent, and while QB Robert Marve looked good at times in his debut, he’s still clearly lacking talent around him.

And yes, I do think the Gators are slightly overrated. While my fellow pollsters elevated them to fourth over the weekend, I kept them at seventh (which, I later found out, was the lowest of any AP voter. While some Florida fans are viewing Saturday’s performance as a sign of their defense’s return to dominance — what did they expect against such a young and suspect offense? My concerns with the Gators’ offense remain the same. For all this talk about Urban Meyer’s stockpile of weapons, at the end of the day, Florida once again relied almost entirely on Tebow and Percy Harvin to run the ball. It burned them against Georgia and Auburn last season, and it will burn them on a couple occasions this season if somebody else doesn’t step up soon.

SNL couldn’t disagree more with Stewie’s conclusion of the Gator’s 2008 team, but has to admit that unless and until Florida puts together an explosive and well-balanced offensive performance against a meaningful opponent, Mandel’s poorly crafted perception will be the norm rather than the exception.

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: the Vest

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