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Florida has released it’s opening day 2-deep and Meyer’s trophy case of 5-star newbs is well represented.  All told, 17 true freshment and 4 redshirt freshmen are scheduled to see time on Saturday.  Already, the message boards are rife with anti-Florida voices claiming the 2-deep heading into 2010 is an indictment of Florida’s program in the aftermath of the mass exodus of last year’s marauders for NFL riches. 

Before, however, the Gator allegiant prone to worry become unduly swayed by the prejudicial nonsense being shouted from the rooftops in Tallahassee, Athens, and Miami, SNL would like to point out some facts that, shall we say, militate toward more a more zen-like approach.  Florida signed the #1 DE (pictured to the right with some sporty-jewelry), #1 and #2 DT’s, #3LB in 2010.  If you recall, Moody was quoted as saying that Floyd looked like “he just got out of prison.”  For all you “Cracker-ass-crackers” out there, Moody’s statement is slang for “that guy is jacked.”  Bye the bye, in our pre-lawyering days, we here at SNL went to Vegas with a group of guys, one of whome was jacked and also “likes-to-fight-guy.”  We leater learned that he had just gotten out after a 2-year stint in the pen, so Moody’s point is well taken here.

Moreover, The strength of this year’s team based on the snippets of information coming out of Urban’s Gulag is the O-Line, DT’s, QB, and LB’s.  So, if you believe as we do that protecting your QB and opening holes for the stable of toroughbreds behind him, and crumpling the opposing teams offensive sets from the inside with 3 or 4 ball-hawking velociraptors roaming the field behind the murderous mastodons up front to clean up any messes that get through is a good reason to booze relentlessly in anticipation of another run to the ATL, than relax. 

Here’s to 11-1, and a season split with ‘Bama.

Funny clip here-Senior wideout for the Tide impersonating Darth Saban:

Surely there’s a taciturn young man on Florida’s roster, tight of lip and furrowed of brow, who can give us a glimpse of Urb’s persona?  Any takers?

Quickly…enjoy Da’ Buckeyes 2010 Poster, shown below to avoid any work on your part:

Naturally, there’s number of good yarns we could spin.  But as Gator fans, we often but seldom take the high road, which is what we’re going to do here.  However, before we go all monacle and top hat on you plebes, we should point out the lack of an Injun’ or Dreadlock sporting fellow with mouth jewelry and green jersey.  The inference to be drawn, naturally, is that Da’U and ‘Noles are nowhere to be found, at least in Buckeye land, which underscores the Gators’ ongoing and rightful belief in their superiority over our in-state foes.  We trust and hope that ye’ of the ‘Nole and Cane’ persuasion will not cry all over your jail cells, and would like to add that nowhere onthis poster is a Crying Baby, so da’ Buckeyes are obviusly unconcerend with the Men of Troy too. 

Naturally, this could change when Jacory and the Tropical Storms visit the shoe…tick, tock.

Sorry about the interim between posts, flock.  We here at SNL remain busy lawyering about Gainesville, and will probably be forced to continue doing so unless we get picked up by E-SPIN for some hard-hitting football journalism, or hit around 80% on our picks this season.  (That’s “against’the’spread,” Dooley-”Man’s game b—-!”).  which segues nicely into this non-football related story:

Gort is a UF alum and apparently, had a pretty good gig covering Arkansas before this gaffe occurred.  For the hard-of-thinking among you, flock (which is most of you judging by the hate mail we receive daily), the past-tense is used here because Gort was canned by her employer gollowing Petrino’s adolescent churlishness. (Fold you arms when you pout, Bobby, it’s more effective that way.  A sigh and eye-roll doesn’t hurt either and would go well with your Dora the Explorer backpack.)  Here’s Gort’s Tweet:

Our favorite local radio (and television sometimes) personality, Brady Ackerman, is leading the charge of the vocal Gator allegiant who are outraged at Petrino for publicy rebuking Gort and presumably, getting her fired.  And, while we love Ackerman (check out his moring show at www.espngo1.com ), we couldn’t disagree more.  Perhaps the easiest way to sway the bulk of the Gator fans of the Orange-and-Blue lens variety is to re-create this scene in Gville, where we live under the hegemonic rule of Pope Urban I.  (We considered a White House/Burka analogy here, but figured current leadership would applaud such lunacy as coveted “diversity”) So here we go:

Pre-Season presser with Urb on UF campus, only local media and Gator beat writers invited-and that gnome-ish fellow, Bianchi.  Amongst the sea of pavlovian journalists aspiring for recognition, or even eye contact from Pope Urban, is one young Co-ed in a ‘Bama cap.  Pope Urban I who, bye the bye, isn’t exactly known to be an exceptionally humorous fellow, takess umbrage and launches a quip toward the young scribe following a run-of-the-mill question (no flashes of brilliance here).  Under this scenario, is it plausible that any of the Gator-partisans would come rushing to the young scribe’s aid?  (Candor is called for here, govern yourselves accordingly). 

Not a chance.  Not here, not there, not in Tuscaloosa, not in anywhere.  For those of you who enjoy a legal analysis, Arkansas, like Florida, is a “right-to-work” or “at-will” jurisdiction.  In laymen’s terms, this means your boss can fire you for any reason that doesn’t violate The Civil Rights Act (i.e. religion, race and that sort of thing).   While we are lawyers, we are not lawyers of the constitutional variety.  However, last we checked Florida fans were not a class of people protected by the consitution, so wearing a Florida hat to a presser with Petrino is probably a poor call and Gort’s subsequent firing, though petty, is not unexpected.

As always, counter-arguments will be considered.