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The Ole Miss rebels added Oregon’s black-balled QB, Masoli, to their roster officially.  Predictably, the message boards are rife with indignant football fans demanding an explanation for this moral outrage.  Really?  Can this possibly mean that there exists a faction of CFB fans who, despite the scope of the new TV deals and sky-rocketing salaries, believe there remains a place for moral conservatism in this game?

If so, we’ve got a word for you:  Idiot.  there’s better adjectives out there, like obtuse, vapid etc…, but we cater to our audience!

First, SI has a fairly in-depth piece that suggests that Masoli may not be as bad of a guy as we think he is.  Second, if Ole Miss goes 8-4 with that roster, Houston Nutt saves his 2+ milly-per-year gig in the Grove.  Think about it flock, what would you do to keep a job that paid a couple of million bucks?

If candor is among your traits- admittedly doubtful if you’re reading this post-you know you’d do a whole lot worse than play a QB busted for poaching a lap top from some rich frat-boy with a J. Crew sweater draperd over his narrow shoulders and later thrown off his former team for smoking a little tree.  

The question you should be asking yourselves, flock, is what wouldn’t you do to keep your $2 milly-per gig.  Short of sexual deviance or violent felonies is there anything?

We can say with certainty that the SNL-crew would do at least the following:

1.  Dine with Whitney Houston, Brigitte Nielson, and Lindsey Lohan (this assumes that all three order an appetizer of illicit prescription drugs).

2.  Take one of  OJ’s ex’s to dinner.

3.  Watch 2 episodes of the Jersey Shore.

4.  Vote for Obama, again!

5.  Lose a public race to Albert Haynesworth.

6.  Attend a weekend retreat with members of the most dangerous gang of narcissistic, amoral, lying thugs in the world, the U.S. Congress. 

You get the point?  This is big-boy football with big-boy money.  Ergo, your high-minded, white-gloved sanctimony, whether feigned or real, is wasted in the world of CFB.  Bye the bye, the players on your favorite team would just as soon kick you’re a** and make out with your girlfriend if ran into them at da’ club, Playa’, so put a sock in it.

Dr. Saturday’s recent post on Dooley’s (for those not in the know, Dooley is UT’s new football coach and thus charged with picking up the pieces of the Kiffin debacle) refusal to release Bryce Brown from his scholarship with Tennessee is illuminating, to say the least. 

Before we begin to dissect Dooley’s strained reason for keeping this kid under scholarship despite the fact that Brown has been by all accounts a diva, let’s be candid.  Refusing to let a 19-year old kid, even one with a track record as malcontent and prima donna, out of an obligation the kid made to the former coaching regime seems decidedly low-brow.   

For those on the outside, this scenario is simple and was best explained by the Notorious B.I.G. when he coined this philosophical gem:  “I don’t chase em’ I replace ‘em.”  And, for the generals of the nation’s elite programs in Gainesville, Austin, Norman, Columbus, and Tuscaloosa, this is undoubtedly the mindset.   

UT, however, seems to be saddled with esteem issues about now because its baby-daddy, Kiffin, left it for a better-looking girl.  For those in need of additional context, here’s a portal into Dooley’s implausible rationale: 

…Vols coach Derek Dooley said Friday that he will not release Brown from his scholarship.

“I have a lot of respect for Bryce as a person and a player,” Dooley said. “This is a professional decision, not a personal one.”

Dooley said he makes decisions on who to release based on three criteria: what was the player’s personal investment into the program; what harm the player’s departure would cause the program; and how the player handled the situation as a person.

“I have an obligation to protect the program,” said Dooley, who has released some players and declined to release others since taking over the Vols. “Bryce can still go to Kansas State but I’m not releasing him.”

Protect the program?  Really?  We all get it.  Your former hottie has moved on and undermined further the street-cred you had when you were relevant, and were on the cusp of gaining back as a result of Kiffin’s yapper.  Let’s assume for a second that this really is about teaching a 19-year old star athlete one life’s lessons.  How does it look to the rest of us?  Pathetic.  Even if Dooley were capable of articulating a well-reasoned basis to support these vague canons of integrity he’s espoused as his basis for denying this kid the opportunity to play in the Big 12 (which he can’t), this thing has the look of run of the mill Mel-Gibson’ish jealousy and pettiness on the part of UT.  Put another way, if the kid is as awful as you say he is then why not cut your losses and move on?  Better yet, why not key his car?  Or tell all your girlfriends he’s lousy in the sack?

The good Doctor sets forth some additional evidence which suggests that Dooley may have been less than honest with the media.  Quite candidly, the Doc’s piece not so tacitly suggests that Dooley may in fact be a jerk.  Make no mistake, we’re Gators at this site but a strong UT is good for all, so we’re not inclined to offer any opinions on this issue.  

The moral of the story, however, is that the appearance of pettiness and jealousy is just as damaging as the real thing.  So whatever your reasoning may be, Dooley, you look silly and the attention your bringing to a once proud program now under siege by the forces of mediocrity isn’t going to play well with 4 and 5-star studs on the recruiting trail, especially coming off a 6-6 season.  

Hate the playa’, Dooley, not the game.

The LeBron debacle has, thankfully, ended, though the E-SPIN heads and other pundits continue to dissect Bron’s decision and its impact on basketball.  Interestingly, the chorus of Bron commentators has been largely critical of not only his decision, but his megalomaniacal television special.  We’re joining the in-crowd, at least for today.   

Chief among the small but vociferous cadre of Bron apologists, however, has been none other that Stephen A. Smith, whose quasi-ghetto rants have somehow been parlayed into the fabric of our societal malaise despite their obvious irrelevance.  (Naturally, Stephen A.’s merits are not the subject of this post, but suffice it to say that we here at SNL question on a very deep level his “cred” as an analyst or talk show host.  Bring back the Czabe for the love of god!) 

The crux of Stephen A.’s poorly grounded position seems to be that Bron is tired of carrying his team on his shoulders and incapable of single-handedly dethroning the Eastern Conference powers.  And, that Bron deserves better than what he’s received in C-town.  Really?  (A more well-reasoned pro-Bron position was espoused by Colin Cowherd, and can be distilled into the following components:  no state income taxes, money, girls, climate, and South Beach.)  

It goes without saying that the bulk of the pavlovian Bron supporters (which is anyone who wasted an hour of their life watching Bron tell us he’s taking his Greg Oden-ish beard to South Beach) will ask who the hell we are to even voice an opinion.  Well, we are who we think we are!  Guys who host a blog and therefore, can say whatever the hell we want.  And here’s what we want to say: 

Air Jordan is the biggest benefactor of Bron’s decision to duck the tough fight ahead in C-town and instead run into the warm embrace of the mini-Dream Team being assembled in Miami (Kobe is getting some nice residuals too).  The reason for this is obvious.  Ever since Jordan hung up the Nikes of the basketball variety, we have been waiting for the next Jordan.  To date, we’ve had 2 candidates for the throne, Kobe and ‘Bron.  Kobe, for his part, has shown grit, determination, and the sort of deadly calm in the clutch that at a minimum puts him in the conversation, and he’s got the rings to prove it.  Bron has not. 

And, by virtue of Bron’s decision to run to Dwyane’s team, the opportunity to escalate into the discussion has been forever lost.  True, Miami may win titles they may even go down as one of the best teams ever.  But Bron has essentially foreclosed any opportunity he had to prove that he is the next Jordan, capable of delivering a title to a team loaded with role players like Paxton, Hodges, Perdue and Wennington.  Possessed with the indefatigable spirit and fierce competitiveness that hallmark the best of the best. 

Instead, ‘Bron is going to win with arguably the third-best player in the league and sure fire hall of famer in Wade, and a second perennial all-star and likely hall of famer (at least if the heat win titles) in Bosh.  

Who takes the shot in the final seconds for the heat?  Wade. 

So it seems that Bron has relegated himself to a supreme physical force, capable of wowing the crowds with amazing blocks and dunks; powerful, graceful, and at times amazing.  He’s 25, a millionaire over and over, and probably has the greatest life of any of god’s creatures about now, despite his curiously old-mannish beard.  He’s still a hall of famer and will be remembered as one of the greatest, but not the greatest.  Put another way, Bron is no Jordan.  In fact, he’s not even Kobe. 

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

SNL learned today from anonymous sources that the NCAA has information that leads it to believe that Reggie Bush (seen here posing as Usher) received thousands of dollars in cash and gifts from Bruce Jenner in exchange for having sex with Kim Kardashian.   We know, the low-brow among you, who fancied the Bush-Kardashian union to be in league with Ross and Rachel, or Brangelina, will be disheartened by the news.

  Conversely, the more erudite members of the Flock-admittedly few-will find these sordid allegations imminently plausible.  If you’ve been forced to suffer through even half of a single episode of the Kardashian “reality” show, you’re well acquainted with Jenner’s tautly stretched and hence un-emotive mug and the banal diatribe of the Kardashian kids who appear to be without any objective talent independent of Kim’s hotness.  Hence, you believe with utter certainty Bush was paid by Jenner because their are thousands of girls who are just as hot as Kim, but don’t have that tied-sweater-around-the-neck panzy brother-in-law Craig showing up at your parties, or the talentless hangers-on suffering from delusions of grandeur (see e.g Ashley Simpsonif you’re unacquainted with this phenomenon).   

It is unknown what the NCAA will do as a result of this new information, but at least one official has openly stated that “Bush, USC, and America have suffered enough as a result of the Kardashian clan’s inexplicable fame.”

We’ll keep you closely advised as this matter unfolds, and yes, we know that “you’d do her (Kim) for free.”

-So Sayeth the Shepherd