Show me a guy who’s afraid to look bad, and I’ll show you a guy you can beat every time.
Thought you all would enjoy seeing who the now infamous “Joe the Plumber” roots for. Like many of his mid-western peers, Joe, when he’s not cheering on the Buckeyes, is busy not paying his taxes and disliking all individuals who differ him. To his credit, Joe’s disdain for fellow Americans is evenly disseminated along lines of politics, color, creed, ethnicity, religion and sporting affiliations.
Fortunately, SNL is an epicurean and belongs to the “Joe Bottle of Cabernet” demographic and couldn’t care less.
About last night…1-1 ATS, winning with the FSU under and losing the BYU over. Quickly…FSU appears to have lost a ton of talent from their 1990’s renaissance, especially at linebacker, DE, and WR…BYUfails the “eyeball test” in a colossal way. SNL hasn’t seen a more pathetic group of noodle-armed, soup-bowl chested Latter Day Saints since last year’s BYU squad…gheesh.
The money pitch:
DISCLAIMER: SNL, after being saved last week by going “all in” on Arkansas, will continue to post picks in order of perceived strength. SNL knows that the “Sharp’s he apprenticed under,” like Vinnie “Hands” Randazzo, will mock the notion of rating picks and can already hear Vincenzo’s grating guinea-lecture, which will go something like:
“What are ya’? A f***in’ idiot? It’s either a pick or it ain’t you f***in’ moron. Now get the f*** outta’ hea before you piss me off.”
Vincenzo’s admonitions, worthy (and frightening) though they may be, are insufficient to derail SNL’s belief in this “weighted system.” Enjoy.
Arkansas (+7.5) v. UK: At some undetermined moment, some undetermined pundit is going to tell the unknown guy next to him “Arkansas has really improved.” Don’t look at SNL, there’s no one else home right now. That said SNL rode Petrino’s boys like a rented mule last week, and with UK’s problems (including but not limited to the loss of all-everything WR, Mr. Lyons), will do so again.
Arkansas managed 420 balanced yards against a very good defensive unit last week. Sure, Auburn is in disarray, quitting on their coaches, lamenting ‘Bama’s ascendancy, and likely to lose again soon. But Arkansas is getting better by the week-they can pass, they can run, and they can cover this spread. Might even be money-line material now that you mention it.
Miss St. (+7.5) v. UT: For whatever reason, UT always reminds SNL of Dean Wormser’s great line in Animal House, when he tells Belushi “fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life son.” No rhyme, reason, or cogent nexis for this, it just is.
Croom’s Bulldogs outgained Vandy last week nearly 2.5 yards to 1. Before you go getting all “crunk” on SNL, you should now that MSU had only 247 total yards. Still, this game is less about x’s, o’s, or coaches, than it is about 1 team with no expectations playing hard for its coach, and another team with high expectations which has thrown in the towel. In fact, this game closely resembles the dynamic of the Arkie-Aub game last week, and we know how that turned out.
Croom’s Bulldogs make it official, Fulmer is done.
Vandy at UGA (-14.5): Like the poor kid with a lisp who goes to summer camp and inexplicably dates the hottie daughter of a neurosurgeon, Vandy lived a charmed life for about 5 weeks. Last in total offense, last in total defense, and still the “bell of the ball.” Unfortunately, the Hahhvahd of the South is returning to its roots, which, when distilled to its core, means a return to a good school with a crummy football team that ranks last in total offense and total defense in the SEC.
Georgia, conversely, is an okay school with a good football team. The Dawgs dominated UT last week but won by only 12 thanks to penalties and untimely turnovers while the paisley-panted Commodores put up 107 total yards on Miss St. Must SNL drone on about how easy this game is?
Ohio St. (-4) at Mich. St.: This game has more layers of goodness than Jennifer Aniston dressed for the winter. A Sparty win exposes SC’s earlier win over OSU for what it is (not much) and ergo ispo facto will make OSU’s win over Joe Pa’s Lions next week all the more damaging.
Like their namesake, the Spartans have morphed into a land-force par excellence, capable of running and throwing with equal alacrity and, since Joe the Plumber hasn’t a clue what this means, the Buckeyes should be ripe for the picking.
Here’s proof positive:
Memphis (+9) at ECU: Why does it seem like only yesterday that Skip Holtz and not Will Muschamp was the hottest name in coaching? Because it was. SNL is proud to say that he never bought into the hype, primarily because he knew that: a) West Virginia was horrible; b) V. Tech was slightly better than West Virginia; and c) Skip Holtz is blood-kin of Lou Holtz (for you to ponder).
In the week’s since, ECU has lost to NCSU, Virginia and Houston. A fairly precipitous demise by any objective measure and Memphis can score, and score, and score….take the points, you won’t regret it.
-So Sayeth the Shepherd
SNL chronicled earlier the dearth (that means “lack”) of TV worthy games this week. Despite being poorly suited for the moving picture box, this week’s card represents yet another opportunity for those who worship at the Vegas altar to move a little closer to the stripper pole they want to install in the living room. This is what people want-right?
SNL has never been to Memphis. There’s a reason for this-SNL knows people who have and they have uniformly advised that the trip was harrowing, to say the least. That said, SNL, thanks to Memphis’ Final 4 run in hoops, was able to secure an image of a Memphis cheerleader which saved all of you from a picture of a sweaty Derrick Rose atop this post. 