PAC 10

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Saturday’s Picks: Those Big Blue Men, they ain’t what they used to be…

November 21, 2009 in ACC, ATS, BCS, BIG 10, LSU, Layla Kiffin, Main Content, PAC 1 + 9, PAC 10, Rebels, SEC | No comments

  The embedded video is the only solace we can find in this week’s card, which is dreadful by any objective measure, at least from a purely aesthetic point of view.  Sure, there are a few jewels for those who, like SNL, are investment minded.  But all in all, most are free to make it a “Blockbuster Night.”  Not casting stones, but a heartfelt thanks to the SEC for trotting out another round of exhibition games, that goes for you too beloved Gators.   

Another round of applause for the Michigan and OSU programs for making this rivalry the Big 10 equivalent of UT v. Vandy, a more or less regional rivalry of no interest to anyone outside of Michigan and Ohio. Seems like only yesterday that the nation was hand-wringing in anticipation of this game, with E-SPIN prodding us along with a 48 hour “Countdown” clock.  Ahh….to be young again. 

Well, flock, we can all sit here and lament this lost weekend of football or we can seek to replenish our depleted emotional reserves in the manner that all Americans aspire to:  Helping others?  Fighting on?  Leading by example?  Don’t make me laugh.   By gambling on football on using the winnings to purchase ridiculous brand name crap we don’t need.  Let’s go…

Texas A & M (-6) v. Baylor: This is the official “My other car is…” game.  The implication, naturally, is that those who place one of these bumper stickers on  their cars don’t have an “other car,” and if they do, it’s a piece of crap.  Here, Baylor is the other car.  So, let’s complete the puzzle for the hard-of-thinking… Baylor’s other car is a myth or a piece of crap.  Aggies and the 12th man roll.

Vandy at UT (-17):  Another rivalry that isn’t.  This game is, however, a testament to SNL’s depravity, which is boundless.  Seriously, SNL hates Layla Kiffin’s Husband and his putrid program, but love UT against the spread.  The lesson?  Glad you asked:  Money trumps hatred.  UT wins big and all the convenience stores in Knoxville close the minute the game is over. 

LSU at Ole Miss (o42):  Ole Miss remains enigmatic and, like a heavily marketed Nick Cage flick, always seems to disappoint.  Still, McCluster is on a tear and LSU’s wideouts should have some success against the Rebs (assuming Jefferson plays).  And, the number seems relatively low.  In other words, there’s alot of ways to get to 42 points, especially with Dex on the field. 

Final thoughts…a moment of silence for the PAC 1+9, which is dead from a national perspective.  Doubters of the veracity of this statement are encouraged to check tomorrow’s ratings for the ‘Zona v. Oregon matchup, will whill be lower than the Fox rerun of Cops.  Love ‘em or hate ‘em, USC’s national cache’ was the only thing that kept the PAC-10 in the national consciousness. 

As for the Boise, TCU, Cincinatti debacle…does anyone really care?  TCU certainly passes the eyeball test and could probably play with any on the top-3, but Cinci and Boise seem woefully inept on the defensive side of the ball and to make matter worse for the smurf-turf bunch, the schedule is laughable, not matter how big the MOV.  Naturally, Boise will play some BCS school that is under-motivated and disinterested, and might even win.  Following which the Boise allegiant will trumpet their program as the equal of any while the more rational towns folk scoff. 

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: ATS, BCS, BIG 10, Boise, Degenerate Gamblers, Layla Kiffin, SEC, TCU, Urban Meyer

The Rest of Saturday’s Card,a word on the Gators, and an ode to Jimmy the Greek…

November 14, 2009 in ACC, ATS, BCS, E-SPIN, Gameday, Gators, Main Content, PAC 1 + 9, PAC 10, SEC | 2 comments

Phew…we at SNL have been running amok about the state of Florida this week.  Why you ask?  To bring you the very best in breaking CFB news and information?  Which you, loyal members of the flock can then parlay into a nifty nest egg to be frivolously spent on booze, rims, and Affliction gear  that matches your barbwire tattoo?  Not even close.

Still, we’ve managed to find a little time to put together a palatable slate of plays for those of you interested in this sort of thing…you know who you are, you’re called “degenerates” by people of good repute.

Florida at USC (+17.5):  We posted earlier this week on what a strange year this has been for the Gator allegiant.  Like Dickinson said many years ago…It was the best of times, it was the worst of times… 

What we expect is more of the same from our beloved Gators…good defense and so many field goals you’ll feel like your watching Australian Rules…Throw in the slugger’s chance you always have when The Visor is pacing the sidelines with his diabolical playbook and the fact the ‘Cocks are pretty stiff at home (who can resist?), and we’ll take the generous 17 plus the hook. 

Afterwards, we’ll join the rest of the Gators in listening stone-faced to Urban’s typical, taciturn post-game press conference which will include some variation of the following statement “that was Florida football out there, field position, protect the ball, and good defense,” and if we’re lucky to catch our stoic leader on a peppy day, something like “any win in the SEC is a good win.”  He’ll be right of course, but we’ll still feel like we just took a smokin’ hot girl to a $200.00 dinner at Ruth’s Chris and didn’t even get a kiss at the door. 

Florida 23-13, and don’t bother DVR’ing the game, you won’t want to watch it twice.

Utah (+20.5) at TCU:  We here at SNL love us some Utes.  No, not because they were kind of enough to give us Urban Meyer in exchange for a truckload of money.  Rather, our love is founded on irony:  As in, “it’s ironic that the Utes do not aspire to the ethnic and religious homogeneity of their sister university, BYU.”  Because of this willingness to embrace athletes who are more err….athletic- yea! That’s it…athleitc!!-than those of the Provo variety, the Utes can hang around with TCU.   Here’s to you Jimmy the Greek!

TCU 28-13…buy the hook an make sure you get the three touchdonwns, you’ll be white-knuckling until the end of this one.

The Best of the Rest:

Miss St. (+12.5) over ‘Bama

Da’U v. UNC o44

Stanford (+10.5) over the Boy-Troys

Notre Dame (+7) over Pitt…

-So sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: ACC, ATS, Bama, BCS, Degenerate Gamblers, Gators, Horned Frogs, Meyer, Spurrier, USC, Utes

Saturday’s late games (2-1 on the nooners, or so it seems)

October 10, 2009 in ACC, ATS, BCS, BIG 10, Degenerate Gamblers, E-SPIN, Main Content, PAC 10 | No comments

  Wife is at the movies and junior is napping, so let’s get to it.

Wisconsin (+16/47u) at The Vest: 

for the Vest, this game is like looking in one of those mirrors that makes you look ten pounds heavier, with Wisconsin being roughly the same team-philosophically speaking-as the Buckeyes are under the Vest’s stewardship .  So, the Vest should be in his comfort zone today when the cornfed Badgers roll into town.  Slothful of feet are those Badgers, and with only a mediocre passing attack, The Vest is the cerebral equal of his opponent for a change.  That said this number is little too high or put another way, Wisconsin isn’t that much fatter than OSU.  Take the generous points here and throw a bone on the under while you’re at it.  

Georgia Tech (+3) at FSU:  A week of turmoil for the ’Noles, who just can’t seem to run off Bowden-like the criminals at AIG, he’s just “too big” to fail.  The good nes for the ’Noles is that for 3.5 hours or so, they can stop hearing about how much they suck, which is considerable.  The bad news, the Yellow Jackets are technically sound and appear to be hitting their stride, and Bowden is still the Coach.  Wrong team favored, FSU implodes on itself like a dying star tonight.  GT +3.

Ole Miss (+5.5) v. ‘Bama:  Like his taller sibling, Meyer, Saban is a bit of a pill, a control freak who cannot relax and would refuse to sign your son’s hat if you saw him at a restaurant.  Also like Meyer, Saban is goood, real gooooooooooooood…  Nutt, conversely, seems like a fun guy parading around in his brim hat a la Greg Norman.  As for the X’s and O’s, Nutt’s D is salty and they have something to prove today, while ‘Bama just needs to win.  SNL loves getting the points at home and will also lay a little on the under.  Shop this one around because the line is between 4 and 5.5 depending on where you’re buying. 

Smaller plays:

Michigan/Iowa over 47

CSU (+9) over Utah

UCLA (+4) over Oregon

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

 

Tags: ACC, ATS, Darth Saban, Degenerate Gamblers, SEC, Urban

Florida’s 2009 wish list & a Layla Kiffin tribute.

August 23, 2009 in BCS, E-SPIN, Gators, PAC 1 + 9, PAC 10, Pope Meyer, UGA, Vols | No comments

Are you kidding?

Seriously?

What is there to wish for if you’re a Florida Gator in 2009?  You’ve won 2 of the last three National Titles, boast the most recognizable and revered college football player in the last 30 years (and possibly ever), the best coach-sorry Pete, and begin the season where you left off, a near unanimous No. 1. 

The foregoing facts have fueled a cacophonous symphony of praise from the E-SPIN heads to the local talk show hosts.  Yep, the Gator Nation is fat and happy.  And, with an opening date with Charleston Southern, a 73-point underdog, there’s not much to talk about until Florida welcomes SEC newbie, Layla Kiffin’s husband to The Swamp.  Right?  Wrong. 

Florida has-and in some respects rightfully so-been suffering a quiet smear campaign as a result of its woeful non-conference schedule.  SNL knows, the SEC “grind” is second to none in the paradigm of conference strength, and this will continue to be the case in the foreseeable future.  That said the precipitous downfall of Auburn and UT, coupled with the impotence of Spurrier’s ‘Cocks (pun intended), has damaged the SEC’s Street-Cred, at least temporarily. 

So, what Florida fans should be rooting for can be distilled down to the following: 

  1. UT beats-no crushes-the Cuddly Bruins from the PAC 1+9.  While we’re at it, let’s hope the lascivious E-SPIN camera men are smart enough to fill our high-def screens with images of the giddy Jessica Simpson….errrr…I meant Layla Kiffin.
  2. FSU beats Da’U and crushes the polygamists of BYU (lucky bastards!).  Seriously, rooting against FSU is so indelibly tattooed on Gators its difficult to do, but Florida is in desperate need of the SOS.
  3. Steve Superior’s ‘Cocks prevail over the yet another cuddly group of Wolves at NCSU.  This game takes on added import as it is opening day, which means degenerate gamblers with far more money than SNL-and presumably, wives who are willing to wear shoes not made by Prada-will be boozing and wagering like sugared-up 12-year olds at a slumber party.  The conference needs a strong showing here.
  4. Saban’s Storm Troopers crush the formidable-but-painful-to-watch Hokies.  SNL knows that every Hokie slight brings him closer to death via Vinnie “Hands” Randazzo and his entourage of guinea soldiers.  Still, VT is the likely ACC champ and in today’s playoff-less world, the “X beat Y which beat Z” argument holds a lot of sway with the more feeble-minded fans (and some analysts too). 
  5. UGA beats what’s-his face at Okie State.  Yeah, SNL knows that the “what’s-his-face” referred to here is “A MAN!!!”, still, he’s Zooker’s cohort which in and of itself is sufficient reason to root for his demise.  Throw in the current Big 12 v. SEC rivalry, and there’s no compelling reason not to wish for a demoralizing defeat for the Cow-girls in Stillwater.   

The moral of the story is that a single loss by the Florida juggernaut this year may be sufficient to derail any hopes at an unprecedented 3rd appearance in 4-years in the BCSG.  The axiomatic (look it up flock) conclusion is that UF, more so than in any year in recent memory, is in need of a strong showing from its opponents.  

Next:  Opening lines and investment opportunities. 

 

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

SATURDAY’S PICKS: BACK IN THE GAME

November 14, 2008 in ACC, BCS, E-SPIN, Gators, Main Content, PAC 1 + 9, PAC 10, SEC | 1 comment

3-2 last week, pushing the overall ATS record to 10 games over .500.  Not good enough to guarantee the wife a pair of those f***ing diamond earring that keep “popping up” in her f***ing Madamoiselle and Vogue mags, but good enough to keep vig off my tuckas.
First last night’s highlight reel-don’t worry its onle a few secs in duration.  The remainder of the game was about like watching unattractive drunk chicks fistfight at Mango’s-which is a metaphor for abject offensive futility without the potential for hot girls topless. 

 
The trouble with this week is that its quiet.  No viable upsets on the horizon and no marquee games betwwen ranked opponents.  Come to think of it, this whole weekend is likely to be like watching drunk chicks fight.  Even so, SNL never met a CFB board that didn’t present opportunities to make a return on equity, even though he has and does often miss the “opportunities.”  Moving on…
Wake Forest v. NCSU (+3.5/42):  Riley Skinner, Wake’s Senior QB, is more or less competent, and at times, even skilled in the passing game.  NCSU, has become a balanced club and continues to improve, beating Duke on the road last week after narrowly losing to Maryland and Florida State during the preceding 2 weeks.  SNL likes the evenly matched clubs here to score more than 42 points, but not much more.  Warning:  This game, like every ACC game, would be better if viewed via time-lapse videography. 
Vandy at Kentucky (-4):  Kentucky reminds me of a neighborhood kid that SNL often beat upon, we’ll call him Chip.   Chip was irritating.  Chip was loud.  Chip was stupid.  Chip was also the eighth kid-which meant we needed Chip for 4 on 4 basketball and football games-so we couldn’t get rid of him.  Chip also was tenacious-so tenacious, in fact, that you often tired of beating him before he gave up, and he would get in a blow or 2 toward the end. 
Vandy is like a girl that lived next door to SNL during his elementary days, we’ll call her Mary.  Mary couldn’t throw.  Mary couldn’t run. 
Since Chip could have whipped Mary, Kentucky will whip Vandy.  Brilliant!! Give the points.
Texas (-13/67o) at Kansas:  Poor Texas. The Horns hooked their way past the Sooners but seem to be the odd man out in the silly-strong Big 12 South irrespective of the outcome of the T/’OU game next week.  This probably pisses Texas off-alot.  Mangina (this is a pun on the word angina perverts) will stroke- out after the ‘Horns hang 50+ on the Jayhawks.  Take UT and the Over-it will be delicious.
Cal v. Oregon St. (-3):  Still waiting for the dream matchup of the Beavers and ‘Cocks in a bowl game, but SNL digresses.  SNL hates USC.  Why is this relevant?  Because the Beavers kicked the crap out of the Trojans and Cal just got manhandled.  So the Beavers did SNL a solid wherease the so-called Golden Bears just threw a log on the “USC-is-the-best-team-at-the-end-of-the-year” fire. 
USC continues to greedily stockpile blue-chippers, but remains the 6th best team in CFB-on a good day.  The Beavers do me another solid and thump Cal as repayment for their weakness and to further lowes SC’s SOS.  Beavers score early and often!
-So Sayeth the Shepherd 

Tags: ACC, PAC 1+9, SEC, USC

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