No one likes a braggart, but SNL is moving squarely into the realm Nostradamus, 2-0 so far and up 31-points (ATS) with Arkansas. Posted ad nauseum about this game earlier in the week, and with Spikes out, this game is going down to the wire. Look for ‘Bama to struggle too, so Meyer just needs to win and move on.
Elsewhere, the Buckeyes go down to Purdue as 2-touchdown road favorites, Oklahoma loses in a tough way, and USC is on its way to snuffing out Notre Dame’s last gasp for respectability. A collective “phew” can be heard if you listen carefully. We’ll be back, but hope the flock is enjoying the returns on equity.
Boise St., in its last purported “test” of the season, wone a shootout over San Quentin…err….Fresno St. last night. This was the second and ,presumably, last opportunity for Boise to impress, and they failed. As it stands, Boise will finish undefeated with a resume that will include a 19-8 win over an Oregon team that appears much worse than advertised (and should have lost to Purdue last week).
Make no mistake, Boise is good, capable of beating a handful of BCS heavyweights in a bowl game, provided the that the heavyweight in question is disinterested due to narrowly losing its conference Championship and thereby missing an opportunity to play in the BCSCG a la Alabama last year.
That said Boise is not a team that would be capable of winning the SEC, Big 12, Pac-10, and would struggle to win the ACC, particularly with a resurgent Miami to go with V. Tech. Last night it was plain to see that there was an overall lack of power and speed, particularly on the defensive side of the ball, which in SNL’s opinion, makes Boise a de facto non-contender for the BCSG under any circumstance-with the possible exception of a host of 2-loss teams from the power conferences.
Moving on…
Today, flock, is the day of the “dog,” and you heard it from SNL first.
FSU @ BYU (-7.5): This game calls for some imagery, so here goes: FSU’s players arrive on campus hoping to one day “make it rain” with crazy NFL loot a la such luminaries as Pac-Man Jones, Travis Henry, and Nelly. BYU’s choir boys, conversely, arrive on Campus ready to serve a power higher than the NFL (we hope), and hope to one day earn enough money to support their large families because, you know, the whole birth control thing. As far as football goes, FSU needs this win in the most horrible of ways, having been surpassed by Miami and nearly losing to Jacksonville St. For BYU, beating FSU is like scoring a date with Goldie Hawn, you get the name recognition, but she’s just not that hot anymore. In the end, however, a date with Goldie will still bolster your rep with the fellas. BYU exploits the Noles young defense and covers easy.
Tennessee (+30) @ Florida. SNL is a Gator fan, bleeds Orange and Blue and etc… You should also know that the Gainesville Sun published an innocuous piec on Layla Kiffin, laying out Layla’s history as a UF grad, daughter of ex-UF QB, John Reeves, and most importantly, a former member of Zeta Tau Alpha Sorority, or the Zeta’s. SNL spent some time in UF’s Greek System, the majority of which he doesn’t recall. Suffice it to say that it’s more or less a bunch of rich kids fornicating and spending their parents money on booze, pills, road trips, with a (sanctimonious)semesterly charity function thrown in to throw the “rents” off the scent. SNL has scooped a number of Zetas off the floor of local pubs over the years but by and large, they are a classy and hot bunch, so good for the Kiffins!
Oh yeah, back to the game. UT has a good defense-probably the third best unit in the league, and a legendary coordinator to harness the talent. SNL also explained in a previous post why the Vols and their suddenly beleaguered Coaches are backed into a corner. In sum, the Vols D will slow down the Gators-a little-and cover this number. For perspective, you should know that Joe “Grand” Pa’s Nittany Lions are a 30-point favorite over Temple. Florida wins easy, but still doesn’t cover this number, 38-13 Gators.
Toledo (+21) v. Ohio St.: Regular readers know that SNL loves hangovers, when someone else has them; loves them even more when its the Buckeyes who are hungover. Toledo, fresh off a beatdown of Colorado, rides their offense to a nice cover here. You folks already playing with house money may want to moneyline this, after all, The Vest is still calling the plays.
Miss St. (+9.5) at Vandy: Mullen has installed Florida’s offense with some success, at least in a relative sense. And Vandy, is still Vandy, smart and undistracted by the hot co-eds at the other SEC institutions. Bye the bye, Vandy also still believes the forward pass is what you do at a cocktail party. Another salient point, Mullen’s boys know its Vandy too, and realisticall, the only league game they have a shot at. MSU +9.
“I have a high art, I hurt with cruelty those who would damage me.” – Urban Meyer, 2009 A.D.
Fueled by the Boy Wonder’s pre-season comments, which are all the rage on E-SPIN and the other mainstream outlets, the Gator Nation is giddy like a bunch of teenage girls at the eighth-grade social in anticipation of a beatdown of the once (again) hated Vols in The Swamp this Saturday. Gainesville Sun Sports writer, Pat Dooley, has penned a column explaining why a complete beheading of the Vols won’t be as easy as expected, and SNL tends to agree.
Irrespective, the Vegas overlords, in typical overreactive fashion, have established Florida as a 29.5point favorite. This has had the predictable effect on UF fans, who now collectively believe that anything short of 35-point beatdown of the Kiffin-led Vols will be construed as an intolerable sign of weakness. Factor in the infamous TO against UGA last year, and the field goal against Um latre in the 4th, and one can easily understand why the Gator Nation feels that a debasing of UT is as certain as tomorrow’s sunrise.
For Gator fans, SNL has some advice, which is predicated on years of watching the Vegas spread become the de facto litmus test for success: This game will be much closer than you think. So take a deep breath, spend a few moments in “downward dog” or whatever pacifies your inner-child because SNL is here to tell you that UT is not the directional schools you’ve grown accustomed to over the last 2 weeks. To the contrary, the Vols bring a cast of talented players, highly paid assistants, and they’re desperate. The Vols have also spent a week listening to how bad they are, while your beloved Gators have continued to have praised heaped upon them as if Tebow himself were their Quarterback.
For their part, the vocal minority of UT loyalists, at least those permeating the local airwaves, have already have jumped off or on the Kiffin bandwagon (depending on their original stance), in large part based on last week’s close loss to UCLA. To be fair to the UT faithful, there is precious little in the way of empirical evidence to go on, Kiffinis 5-15 as a head coach, withthe bulk of his losses coming at the helm of the Raiders, the most consistently dysfunctional NFL franchise over the last decade. So overreacting to 1 game is understandable.
Using 2 games as the parameter for judgment, which is all UT really has at this point, necessarily means that Saturday’s game, for the Vols at least, is going to be perceived as a harbinger in one direction or the other, at least for this season. If UT shows some of the bellacosity that its Coach displayed when he was rocking the mic on the pre-season circuit, the Vols can be somewhat certain that the Kiffin is the man for the job. If, however, his team gets run out of the building, the wheels will begin to come off, even if Layla agrees to wear a bikini to the remainder of UT’s games.
Kiffin has smartly used his coaching acumentto cling to the “we have no chance” mantra as if it were a lifeboat and UT just sank with the Titanic. Despite Kiffin’s pleas to the contrary, it seems, however, that there is at least somepressure on UT to perform well on the heels of what most objective and partisan observers would say is an embarrassing home loss to a middle-of-the-road PAC 1+9 team. True, the loss to UCLA is somewhat embarrassing on its face, but UCLA has a pair of behemoth DT’s one of whom, Brian Price, is a likely NFL lottery pick. Rocky Top Talk has a good write-up on how some D-Line adjustments by UCLA impacted UT’sability to run with any consistency which contributed greatly to the loss for the nerdier among you.
Irrespective of UT’s self-proclaimed liberation from expectations vis’a'vis the loss to UCLA and UF’s unchallenged superiority, the Vols play in the SEC and Kiffin will be granted only so many mulligans before the local press begins to ask “how much is it to buy him out again?” The pressure to play well at the storied programs of the SEC is as ubiquitous as strip malls in Florida, pick-ups in Ally-Bammy, and missing teeth in Gawgia. So UT’s self-professed freedom makes a compelling argument for scribes who lack an alternative storyline, but SNL ain’t buying it. These are still kids and E-SPIN will advance its unholy matrimony with the SEC by unrelentingly playing the video of Kiffin’s rant to UT partisans to add intrigue to a game that would otherwise lack national interest to anyone wo isn’t a degenerate gambler. Along those lines, Florida is an unheard of 29.5 point favorite, which is absolutely ridiculous. (For comparative purposes, UF opened as a 32.5-point fav over lowly Troy, who was cleansed by Bowling Green the week before).
Thus, the real question for UT loyalists (and Gator fans albeit for different reasons), is whether Kiffin and the sophomoric but admittedly entertaining arrows he slings at SEC heavyweights like Meyer and Saban constitute a mere sideshow, like the “Bearded Lady” or “World’s Tallest Man,” or whether this boy-toy can lead the Vols back up the mountain. True, straight outta’ Crompton may throw 4 picks and UF will win easily. Brantley may play the 4th quarter and throw a touchdown himself. But fear is and always will be the true opiate of combat, so expect UT to play a physical game. Even so, 38-17, UF.
Moving on….
G. Tech (+6) at Miami: Mr. Miagi once said, “man who catch fly with chopsticks accomplish anything,” which has nothing to do with this post, but sounds prophetic in a cliche Asian-esque way. So, where are these 2 teams? UM is 1-0 and flying high after a road victory over a (laughably) top-20 ‘Nole outfit who, bye the bye, has since nearly lost to Jacksonville St. G. Tech is coming off a Thursday night game against Clemson, which they won after surrendering a large lead. Survey says, however, that Da’ U plays undisciplined defense, and no offense outside of Navy requires discipline like Tech’s. Johnson is like a lo-fi Urban, and his guys will show up and execute, pushing the sale of pocket-protectors to an all-time high on the GTU campus. Shannon is a lo-fi Bowden, who’s marquis trait is the ability to mold top-notch recruits into under-performing college players, pushing to an all-time high the illicit sale of hot Tech-9’s in Dade County. Tech routed Da’ U last year, and will play within the number this year. The public appears to be all in on Da’ U, so wait for this line to hit 6.5 and buy the hook. GTU +7.
A flock member recently asked SNL “who his blog was intended for.” This innocuous query came after reviewing a particularly profane comment from an aggrieved felon..errr…fan of Da’ U. Naturally, the comment was replete with typos and misspellings-even the dirty words-so the authenticity of the fan’s allegiance was not in doubt (sorry, Chet, it’s the other fans of Da’ U that SNL is dissing). I managed to track the guy down using his e-mail and found him on Twittter. His “tweeting” mugshot revealed that he had frosted tips, which is the genesis of this post.
So, after some rumination, SNL has come up with some general rules to determine who this blog is NOT intended for:
1. Men with frosted tips-sorry Beau, Lance or whatever your name may be. Frosting your tips is an automatic bar to societal acceptance, even if it does score points with drunk sorority floozies. This guy below got his tips frosted as a Valentine’s day present for his girlfriend-allegedly. Seriously, frosted tips warrant an a**-kicking on principal.
2. “I-post-mopey-messages-on-Facebook” Guy-this kills me. Seriously, who in the hell cares if you’re depressed, or “having the worst day of your pathetic life”? Publicly emoting via the internet is beyond any bounds of manhood. You’re so pathetic Frosted-tip-guy could kick your ass and you’re not welcome here.
3. “Rides-behind-his-roomie-on-Scooter” guy-See above and look out for Frosty, who could whip your ass too. Seriously, dude on dude + a scooter? What does this say about you (not that there’s anything wrong with it)?
4. “Uses-fender-bender-insurance-money-for-an-Xbox” guy. This guy really pisses me off because, in the words of Dean Wormser, “[f]at, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life.” Also, I invariably find myself behind this guy in traffic and he’s using hand signals and has a Graafix sticker on his windshield, which is infuriating for no reason other than the fact that it is..
There are some others that time prevents me from expounding on, such as wallet-chained-to-pants-guy, which cracks me up because we all know that this security precaution/fashion statement, which is usually compolimented by a pony tail and a leather vest essentially guarantees that you don’t have a damn thing in that wallet that anyone wants.
Moving along…
Cruising last night on my unofficial pcik only to watch G. Tech choke up a 24-point lead and then add further insult by pulling out the victory. Not sure what this game said about either club in the larger picture, but the Jackets’ D-line seems to have fallen off a bit. Spiller should have went to Florida, where he’d be a Heisman and 2 NC’s up on his current position as “really-fast-dude-0n-crappy-team.”
The Picks:
USC (+7) at UGA: Word in Athens is that there’s significant angst over Cox and that the freshman back-up, who’s an “athletic” QB, could see significant playing time. In addition, UGA’s schedule is murderous, so the pressure to win is monumental. Erstwhile, in Carolina, the OBC is ripping off his one-liners, like “[w]ell, we won, so we’re not as bad off as the teams that lost.” Hardly bulletin board material, but still feel like the OBC can cover the generous points here.
Freson St. (+9) at Wisonsin: This pick is more of an indictment of Wisconsin than an endorsement of Fresno. Seriously, Wisconsin stinks and the girls that reside there are largely corpulent, which is further reason for SNL’s disdain. The more adventurous among you may want to allocate some funds to the moneyline here.
UT (-9.5) v. UCLA: The flock knows that SNL hates the baby bears and their smug Coach. He also hates some Vols and their smug Coach. But money always trumps hatred, and SNL likes this Vols club-alot. The cupboard was stocked when Kiifin rolled in and his staff is phenomenal, as is his wife. Vols in a rout.
That’s all folks….2-1 on the year and looking to take the wife on a cruise in November, courtesy of Vinnie.
Georgia (+5.5/61u) at Okie St.: The more I look at this game, the more I like it. UGA seems to have more talent on both lines of scrimmage, and more overall speed. In addition, there’s some value here because this year’s UGA is (ostensibly)O a pedestrian outfit while Okie St. is everyone’s “dark horse” in the Big 12. Not sure of UGA has the firepower to win this on outright, but like getting the 5.5 with a dog that can win outright.
Wake Forest (-2) v. Baylor: Like Skinner & Co. laying the small number against another team coveted by the E-SPIN heads. Wake always plays well at home and has a tendency to under-promise and over-deliver as they did when Ole Miss came to town last year. Still, can’t help but feel the ACC is the AIG of the CFB world, and Baylor is, well, a nice small-cap. Take the points with confidence.
Tennesseelooks alot like the kid you beat up on the last day of school who went home and juiced all summer for the sole purpose of kicking your ass in the fall. Crompton is crisp, the o-line is strong, and the defense is big and athletic. Kiffin is using alot of sets with a power running game and the offense looks like a big, ugly, orange version of the old Trojans. In fact, UT looks like UT used to look every year albeit slightly more advanced.
This really should come as no surprise as SNL posited last year that the “eyeball test” rendered UT a top-10 team. In other words, it wasn’t talent that was lacking at UT, it was a team and administration torn by loyalty to a coach who’d done some great things, but was no longer capable of winning. SNL will leave the reasons for UT’s demise under Fulmer to the loyalists, but suffice it to say that the Kiffin experiment looks good so far.
Is UT ready to beat Florida at The Swamp? Probably not. Still, UT will have a shot at a PAC-10 unit before coming to Gainesville while the Gators are digesting a D-II cupcake and a worse than expected Troy. UT looks hungry and the Kiffin regime, which was so easy to mock during the summer, now appears to be a formidable foe. Bryce Brown, by the bye, has a nice TD run and UT looks ready to ascend into the ranks of the SEC elite, which is a good thing for the league. One thing’s for sure, Florida could use the SOS, but better be ready for a battle when the Vols come to town.
Bold prediction: UT finishes with 9 wins, plays on Jan. 1, and finishes in the top 15. The way Kiffin recruits, a the UF-UT rivalry is going to be great in the years to come.
Boise St., in its last purported “test” of the season, wone a shootout over San Quentin…err….Fresno St. last night. This was the second and ,presumably, last opportunity for Boise to impress, and they failed. As it stands, Boise will finish undefeated with a resume that will include a 19-8 win over an Oregon team that appears much worse than advertised (and should have lost to Purdue last week).
A flock member recently asked SNL “who his blog was intended for.” This innocuous query came after reviewing a particularly profane comment from an aggrieved felon..errr…fan of Da’ U. Naturally, the comment was replete with typos and misspellings-even the dirty words-so the authenticity of the fan’s allegiance was not in doubt (sorry, Chet, it’s the other fans of Da’ U that SNL is dissing). I managed to track the guy down using his e-mail and found him on Twittter. His “tweeting” mugshot revealed that he had frosted tips, which is the genesis of this post.
2. “I-post-mopey-messages-on-Facebook” Guy-this kills me. Seriously, who in the hell cares if you’re depressed, or “having the worst day of your pathetic life”? Publicly emoting via the internet is beyond any bounds of manhood. You’re so pathetic Frosted-tip-guy could kick your ass and you’re not welcome here.
Georgia (+5.5/61u) at Okie St.: The more I look at this game, the more I like it. UGA seems to have more talent on both lines of scrimmage, and more overall speed. In addition, there’s some value here because this year’s UGA is (ostensibly)O a pedestrian outfit while Okie St. is everyone’s “dark horse” in the Big 12. Not sure of UGA has the firepower to win this on outright, but like getting the 5.5 with a dog that can win outright. 
