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WHILE I WAS OUT……SATURDAY’S CARD AND OTHER ANECDOTAL MUSINGS

November 20, 2008 in ACC, ATS, BCS, Foolmer, Gators, LSU, Main Content, PAC 1 + 9, SEC, Saban, Vols | No comments

SNL’s apologies for the length of time between posts.  For the record, you can chalk it up to the usual litany of grown-man issues:  attention starved (but hot) wife; attention starved (but adorable) 1 yr-old son; and attention starved cases requiring maintenance in the form of mediations, motions, demands and the like.  Oh yeah, as evidenced below, SNL has also been forced to endure the South Beach diet, with admittedly stunning results, as you can see.

Naturally, SNL remains receptive to employment overtures from any mainstream media outlet.  Hell, he’d even goose step amongst the E-SPIN propagandists for a pittance…

There have been a number of inquiries since my last post-well, 10 to be exact.  Most were flattering calls for a speedy return from adoring readers.  The other 7 were typical ‘Bama fan vitriole calling for SNL’s death, threatening his family, and attacking his sexuality based on nothing more than his allegiance to his alma mater and unfettered hatred for the state of Alabama, its corpulent populace, 3-legged dogs, litter, love of fried shit, cigarettes and Code Red Mountain Dew, and most of all, its football team.

Interesting to note that the calls and e-mails from SNL’s Gator constituency continue to center around ‘Bama which means that, predictably, the Gators have discarded the viability of a ‘Nole (or Citadel) upset next week.  Go figure.
 

THE PICKS…

3-2 last week which means the wisby (This is a nickname SNL’s wife made for herself.  It is typically accompanied by a “husby,” which is SNL.  Embarrassing, but true.) is unlikely to receive her diamond earrings from Santa-husby.  But also means SNL does not owen Vincenzo any scratch and not in danger of losing a limb.

UW (-7.5) at Wazzou:  “This is a rivalry game…you can throw the records out the window…blah, blah, blah.”  These teams are a combined 1-20.  The gamewill not be televised nor would anyone watch if it were.  However, the winner of this game will be unofficially crowned the “second worst BCS team in 2009.”  This, friends, is a distinction worth fighting for!  Washington has been competitive of late, leading ‘zona in the 3rd quarter, and wants to send off Willingham in style.  Wazzou is lifeless, like a passed out tri-delt at homecoming.  Huskies roll!!!

Illinois v. Northwestern (+2.5):  Wrong team favored.  SNL wathced Zookers clubs quit on him for years and knows the recipe well.  Last week’s loss to the Buckeyes ensured that the Zookers will lie down this Saturday like the doormat bombshell that keeps letting you come over at 2:00 a.m. to say “hi.”  What’s her number again?

UT at Vandy (-3.5):  The Commies exact their revenge for years for years of futility by beating the poopie out of Foolmer’s despondent group.  For UT, the season mercifully ends-which is the only thing anyone dressed in that godawful neon orange cares about.  Vandy, conversely, is taking their geniusness bowling! Viva la revelucion’!

Ole Miss (+7) at LSU:  If this needs explaining, SNL cannot help you.  Ole Miss may well win this game outright.  For those playing with house money, throw some on the moneyline.  Nutt’s boys are headed to 8-4 and a top-25 ranking before its all said and done.

T.Tech (+7) v. Oklahoma:  This one is dicey, but a touchdown seems awful generous.  On the other hand, Tech hasn’t played anyone worth a damn outside of Lubbock, which makes Columbus (Ohio) look like gay Paris’ by the way.

Tags: ACC, ATS, Picks, SEC, The Hat

STEALING AND GRINNING: AN ALABAMA METAPHOR TOO GOOD TO PASS UP

November 12, 2008 in BCS, E-SPIN, Foolmer, Gators, LSU, Main Content, Pope Meyer, SEC, Saban, The Hat, UGA | No comments

Behold, “Nick Saban’s Drive-By Face-Punching Machine.”

  This,my friends, was poached from the site of a blogging colleague, without permission of course.  As a lawyer, this fact caused me to give pause, but only for a second.  Besides, we play things “fast and loose” in the blogosphere, and poaching from friendly sites is the right of anyone who opts to host a blog-err…I think.

Irrespective, this is a metaphor, and a relatively simple one at that.  It bears no further explanation, except for those of you who quit math after failing pre-algebra at the local community college.  Since SNL assumes this group is his primary demographic (though most of you are courteous enough to close your death threat e-amils with a nice “Sincerely” or “Regards,”  which SNL appreciates), he will add some insight.

met⋅a⋅phor –noun  

  1.  a figure of speech in which a term or phrase is applied to something to which it is not literally applicable in order to suggest a resemblance, as in “A mighty fortress is our God.” Compare mixed metaphor, simile (def. 1).
2. something used, or regarded as being used, to represent something else; emblem; symbol.

What should be readily apparent to you by now is that Nick Saban does not really own, nor did he create, a “face-punching machine.”  Thus, the foregoing is what we city slicker types call a metaphor.  This one in particular is a metaphor pertaining to Alabama’s top-ranked football team in 2008. 

 Like the image itself, Alabama resembles (at times) a jalopy, puttering down the road at a top-speed of 20 mph.  Further similar to ‘Bama’s gridiron group, the Jalopy is unable to brake or accelerate in a manner that would impress even the most impressionable minds, and is in apparent need of some serious upgrades, both mechanically and aesthetically to boot. 

Due to its obvious impotence and lack of awe-inspiring attributes, unwitting bystanders, Like Les Miles, Phil Fulmer, Mark Richt and others of their ilk, allow the Jalopy to get up real close like, only to find themselves knocked unconscious seconds later by virtue of powerful and unforeseen blow to the head.

Thus, Gators, while you are free to continue to worship at the altars of E-SPIN, Mandel, and the blogosphere in general (most of which has Florida atop ‘Bama in the unofficial SEC power rankings and playing the Big 12 champ for the BCS crown), you would be wise to take heed of this metaphor.

SNL is well aware that ’Bama has done nothing impressive since posting 31 first-half points on UGA nearly 6 weeks ago, beating the likes of UK (by 3), Ole Miss (by 4), UT (by a whopping 20), and LSU (by 6 in OT).

Unlike the Gators Ferrari, which has averaged 50 points per game en route to dominating, “shock and awe” victories over Arkie (by 31), LSU (by 30, and it wasn’t even that close), UGA (by 39), and Vandy (by 28), ‘Bama’s jalopy ain’t got no “rims,” “boom,” “dubs,” “chrome,” or “bling.”  It also ain’t got no losses. 

So, while there’s no need to anticipate Pope Meyer’s furrowed brow being added to the foregoing metaphor, its far from a ga-rone-tee. 

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: BCS, Darth Saban, Pope Meyer, SEC

GATORS v. USC: REAL ‘BAMA PLEASURE, WITHOUT LIGHTING UP

November 11, 2008 in E-SPIN, Gators, Main Content, Pope Meyer, SEC, Saban, TV SCHEDULE | No comments

 
SNL would be remiss were he to fail to comment on the unisoned euphoria gripping the Gator faithful this week.  Like a corpulent man atop a bed of doughnuts, the Gator Nation is fat, happy and complacent.  If the local airwaves are a fair indicator, and they usually are, the bulk of the Gators nation is far more concerned with Florida’s BCS opponent than it is with the remaining foes, which include three ranked teams-one of whom, you might have noticed, is #1.   
This is, after all, the “way of things” since Spurrier’s era of hegemonic dominance was followed up with Urban’s immediately gratifying 2006 title, and it really pisses SNL off.  Why?  Because South Carolina has won 5 in a row, and FSU lies in wait.  Both ranked, both good, and both looking to make their season by beating Florida. 
And yet, the bulk of Gator fans, lin true nuovo riche fashion, are busy booking rooms in Miami-when not discussing the margin of victory of the pending SEC title game, of course.  The whole thing is enough to make you sick.  The only solace for those who, like SNL, know that significant heavy lifting remains, is that Pope Meyer will pull every string possible to create a Chinese wall between the fans (and the pundits driving this vehicle) and using sheer will if necessary, exhort his team to victory this Saturday.  Speaking of which…
South Carolina is good.  In fact, South Carolina is every bit the equal of Gator-nemesis, ‘Bama, on the defensive side of the ball.   Don’t believe it?  South Carolina is 3rd inthe Country in total defense; ‘Bama is 4th.  South Carolina is 10th in scoring defense; ‘Bama is 7th.  If you want to split hairs, ‘Bama holds teams to about 30 yards less per game rushing than the Cocks (which means the Cocks hold teams to about 30 yards less passing). 
The real significance, however, of Saturday’s contest for the Gators, particularly when Florida has the ball, is that USC (like ‘Bama) runs a 3-4 as its base defensive scheme.  This is somewhat unusual, and allows for a multitude of defensive looks and blitz packages.  Given that the personnel for USC and ‘Bama are roughly commensurate, at least statistically, Florida should be able to assess what it can do in the ATL and get a jump on their gameplan for the Tide. 
For fans not concerned about base sets, coverage techniques, and other technical minutiae, the foregoing can be interpreted as follows:  South Carolina’s defense is the best defense UF has faced this year, and its not even close (Sorry, LSU).  So don’t expect a Vandy-ish, or even a Geargia-ish offensive performance Saturday.  In fact, expect the opposite.  Field position, turnovers, and grinding, lengthy drives should be the norm this Saturday.  UF should prevail by a resaonably comfortable margin of 14-17 points, but it won’t come early, and it won’t come easy.
So, Gators, stop running around agog like the hottest girl in school accepted your lascivious-based offer to escort her to prom, and put on your big boy pants.  There’s time enough to worry about ‘Bama and the Big 12 later.
-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: Pope Meyer, SEC, Spurrier, USC

FLORIDA: THE NEW USC?

November 4, 2008 in ACC, BCS, BIG 10, E-SPIN, Gators, LSU, Main Content, Notre Dame, PAC 1 + 9, Pope Meyer, SEC, Saban, TV SCHEDULE, The Hat, UGA, scUM | No comments

  How great is this?

The Gator-Nation is obviously bored, its primary league rivals have been vanquished in shocking fashion and (as predicted by SNL) the national media has begun hyping Florida as the “best 1-loss team in the Country.” 

Looking toward Saturday’s contest against Vandy (who lost to Duke) provides little excitement for a fan base crashing from the endorphin-laced crushing of UGA.  Sure, the Gators will rally somewhat when the Cocks and the OBC roll into town, and put their game faces on when they go on the road to face the ‘Noles, but today, the Gators are spent.

The local airwaves continue to be rife with BCS permutations that place Florida in the BCS title game, which under normal circumstances would have SNL worrying incessantly about Florida looking past this week’s opponent, but that’s not going to happen when, as stated above, this week’s opponenent managed only 7 points in its recent loss at home to Duke. 

SNL has therefore opted to avail itself of the wistful winds that are blowing through Gator Country this week and somehow wound up wondering what if?  What if Urban wins his second BCS title in 4 years?  What if Tebow returns next year?  What if Florida is preseason #1 next year?  What about the year after that?

This line of thinking inevitably segued into a debate with a colleague and Notre Dame homer, who maintains that Florida remains a “regional team,” with little appeal nationally and a fairly limited sphere of longitudinal relevance. 

After some back and forth, I undermined this argument to my satisfaction, but feel that further explanation is warranted to preemptively combat this situation before it beomes a full blown pandemic. 

First, the so-called “national teams,”  which traditionally include USC, Notre Dame, Michigan, Ohio State, and to a lesser extent, Alabama, Texas, Oklahoma, and Penn State, earned this distinction primarily in the 60’s and 70’s.  Naturally, this group benefitted greatly from large fan bases which, coupled with television and lack of paradoy, gave them greater exposure than many southern schools, including Florida.  In the 70’s it was not uncommon for a fan living in the south to see Notre Dame on television 4 times in a season, but see Florida, Georgia, or LSU only once or twice. 

That said CFB has since morphed into a multi-billion dollar business, and college football games are televised 5 days per week and available on every major and cable network all day Saturday.  An indisputable corrolary to this is that recruiting is also a multi-million dollar business that takes place on a national scale, at least for the major programs.  What this translates into is choices for those fans who enter the CFB world as ”undecided voters.” 

The conclusion, which is likely to invite the ire of traditionalists like Beano Cook, is that the resume necessary to be considered a “national team” is drastically different than it was 35 years ago.  Sure, winning and losing remain constants, but rivalries and conference strength, which translate into more and higher profile photo ops for the best of the best, are equally important.  National titles are also important, but not as important as consistently receiving an invite to a BCS bowl. 

Whatever the criterium, the notion that only those teams who were considered “national powers” in 1975 are somehow legacies that remain the only members of this “national” fraternity is fatuous at best.  Today, there exists a fluidity to college football that was not present 30 years ago.  The vast amount of television exposure is such that the new CFB paradigm contemplates ascension to and descension from the so-called “national teams” based on a 5-year span of dominance or incompetence. 

Tennessee, which won the BCS in 1998,  is a prime example of this.  So are USC and Oklahoma, who re-entered the national consciousness after falling from grace in the 90’s.  Da’ U, who is all but entirely irrelevant after dominating the 90’s, is another example. 

For its part, Florida sits on the cusp of an SEC title, which would be its 8th since 1991, a possible NC, which would be its second in 4 years and 3rd in 11 years, and oh yeah, is poised to enter the preseason next year as one of the top-2 teams.  By any standards, this resume makes Florida a “national team.”  And, should Florida win the SEC, BCS, and enter next year as pre-season #1, it should and will be argued that Florida has become what USC was a few short years ago, the most dominant program in college football.

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: BCS, BIG 10, PAC 1+9, Pope Urban, SEC

UGA V. ALBERT: THE PICK

October 30, 2008 in E-SPIN, Fans, Gators, Main Content, Pope Meyer, SEC, SEC Fans, Saban, The Hat, UGA | No comments

The forces of good and evil collide in Jax in two days.  At issue is everything from the SEC East to the BCS and,  in a hyperbolic sense, the very fate of mankind.  For those of you who, like SNL, cannot stop belaboring in excruciating fashion each morsel of statistical data that supports or undermines your belief that your team will prevail, SNL offers the following:

Preamble:  A brief survey of the message boards, blogs, local and state fish-wraps, and national media outlets confirms that all fans present in Jax on Saturday are relatively certain they are going to win convincingly. 

Georgia’s optimism stems largely from last week’s drubbing of the Tigers, which proved to be all the salve needed to heal the wound left Darth Saban’s shock-troops when they kicked the crap out of UGA only a month ago.  UGA has run the table since then, and looked more or less mediocre in the process.

The zeal of the Gator-allegiant stems from back-to-back-to-back thumoings of SEC opponents in the wake of a 1-point loss to Ole Miss in a game that statistically, was also dominated by Florida. 

The result, two confident teams and fan bases sporting more or less the same resume-right?

When Georgia has the ball:  Georgia under Mark Richt has been nothing if not efficient.  Using primarily pro sets, UGA is a run-first/play action pass team when clicking on all cylinders.  Georiga’s offense compensates for its predictability by executing.  This year, UGA has harnessed this recipe into 34 points a game (2nd to Florida’s 42), and ranks 1st in total offense, passing offense, and 2nd in rushing offense.  Despite the gaudy statistics, however, UGA failed to “wow” anyone until last week, posting nondescript victories over Vandy (24-14), USC (14-7), and UT (26-14). 

Staring across the line of scrimmage at Stafford, Moreno and co. will the league’s #1 scoring defense, #3 total defense (allowing several yards per game more than ‘Bama) and #3 rushing defense.  Breakdowns against Ole Miss notwithstanding, most semi-objective Gator followers feel that this unit is supremely talented at LB and DB, and above average along the line-with results on par with the leagues other elite defenses, USC and ‘Bama.

Since Georgia has played USC and ‘Bama, it seems that these two games are far and away the most useful in a comparative sense.  UGA mustered only 50 yards rushing against ‘Bama and 106 against USC.  Florida arguably lacks the inside presence of ‘Bama and USC, but is equal to or better at all skill positions and deeper to boot.  As such, SNL expects Georgia to run ineffectively early, which is important for reasons set forth below.  Knowshon may still go over 100 yards, but will not gash this unit as he did last year, and will find the yards hard to come by in the first half. 

The inability to run early, coupled with Florida’s offense, should result in added pressure to make plays on the part of Stafford, who is clearly capable, but far less efficient when his backfield mate struggles.  Georgia is not a team that relishes unfavorable down and distance situations.

Statistically, this side of the ball is a stalemate and SNL offers a hardy guffaw for those who think this Gator defense will dominate Georgia.  That said this defense won’t have to dominate Georgia, just hold them to something in the rnge of 24 to 28 points, which not only possible, but plausible.

When Florida has the ball:  For starters, Florida is #1in  scoring offense, #2 rushing offense and #3 total offense heading in to Saturday’s matchup.  Florida is also improving, which is scary, and loaded with speed.  Deconstructing Florida’s offense is difficult SNL hasn’t the time or space to devote to this task. 

For comparative purposes, the Dawg D is the league’s 6th ranked unit, giving up 77 ypg against the run (2nd), a beneficent 222 ypg against the pass (11th), and allowing 21 points per game (8th).   You seeing what SNL is seeing?  Georgia’s exuberant fans, exulting last week’s victory with by getting drunk and killing animals, seem to think that UGA’s 2008 defense is “tailor made” to stop Urban’s spread attack. 

SNL doesn’t see it.  Florida has a distinct advantage on this side of the ball, not just because Florida’s offense is statistically better than Georgia’s defense, but because Florida has explosive playmakers all over the field.  Harvin, Rainey, Demps, James, Murphy, Deonte, Hernandez, the other guy, and that dude, can all go the distance.  SNL expects Florida to paint the corners with quick passes and option-reads and go over the top with impunity against Georgia’s marginal pass-rush (1 less sack than Florida through 8 games).  In all, SNL expects there will be no less than 24 Gator points by half, and you should too.

Conclusion:  This doesn’t have to be difficult.  Florida’s defense is much closer to the units that have stymied UGA thus far (‘Bama and USC for those who skipped to the end), and should give Georgia some trouble.  Similarly, Florida’s offense is light years ahead of the one that routed UGA in Athens only a month ago and Georgia will be gashed early and often, forcing the Bulldogs to play catch-up.  Put another way, a mistake by Florida’s defense yields a 25 yard run by Knowshon, a mistake by UGA’s defense yields an E-SPIN highlight that ends with Gators celebrating in the end zone. 

 Naturally, turnovers, injuries, or asteroid showers may alter this game in ways unforeseen, but barring anomalous intervention from unseen forces, this game should be won by the team with more weapons, more motivation, and a Pope for its Coach. 

Florida loses time of possession but wins in a game that will make SEC purists puke, 41-27.  Book it.

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: Pope Meyer, SEC, UGA

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