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  How great is this?

The Gator-Nation is obviously bored, its primary league rivals have been vanquished in shocking fashion and (as predicted by SNL) the national media has begun hyping Florida as the “best 1-loss team in the Country.” 

Looking toward Saturday’s contest against Vandy (who lost to Duke) provides little excitement for a fan base crashing from the endorphin-laced crushing of UGA.  Sure, the Gators will rally somewhat when the Cocks and the OBC roll into town, and put their game faces on when they go on the road to face the ‘Noles, but today, the Gators are spent.

The local airwaves continue to be rife with BCS permutations that place Florida in the BCS title game, which under normal circumstances would have SNL worrying incessantly about Florida looking past this week’s opponent, but that’s not going to happen when, as stated above, this week’s opponenent managed only 7 points in its recent loss at home to Duke. 

SNL has therefore opted to avail itself of the wistful winds that are blowing through Gator Country this week and somehow wound up wondering what if?  What if Urban wins his second BCS title in 4 years?  What if Tebow returns next year?  What if Florida is preseason #1 next year?  What about the year after that?

This line of thinking inevitably segued into a debate with a colleague and Notre Dame homer, who maintains that Florida remains a “regional team,” with little appeal nationally and a fairly limited sphere of longitudinal relevance. 

After some back and forth, I undermined this argument to my satisfaction, but feel that further explanation is warranted to preemptively combat this situation before it beomes a full blown pandemic. 

First, the so-called “national teams,”  which traditionally include USC, Notre Dame, Michigan, Ohio State, and to a lesser extent, Alabama, Texas, Oklahoma, and Penn State, earned this distinction primarily in the 60’s and 70’s.  Naturally, this group benefitted greatly from large fan bases which, coupled with television and lack of paradoy, gave them greater exposure than many southern schools, including Florida.  In the 70’s it was not uncommon for a fan living in the south to see Notre Dame on television 4 times in a season, but see Florida, Georgia, or LSU only once or twice. 

That said CFB has since morphed into a multi-billion dollar business, and college football games are televised 5 days per week and available on every major and cable network all day Saturday.  An indisputable corrolary to this is that recruiting is also a multi-million dollar business that takes place on a national scale, at least for the major programs.  What this translates into is choices for those fans who enter the CFB world as ”undecided voters.” 

The conclusion, which is likely to invite the ire of traditionalists like Beano Cook, is that the resume necessary to be considered a “national team” is drastically different than it was 35 years ago.  Sure, winning and losing remain constants, but rivalries and conference strength, which translate into more and higher profile photo ops for the best of the best, are equally important.  National titles are also important, but not as important as consistently receiving an invite to a BCS bowl. 

Whatever the criterium, the notion that only those teams who were considered “national powers” in 1975 are somehow legacies that remain the only members of this “national” fraternity is fatuous at best.  Today, there exists a fluidity to college football that was not present 30 years ago.  The vast amount of television exposure is such that the new CFB paradigm contemplates ascension to and descension from the so-called “national teams” based on a 5-year span of dominance or incompetence. 

Tennessee, which won the BCS in 1998,  is a prime example of this.  So are USC and Oklahoma, who re-entered the national consciousness after falling from grace in the 90’s.  Da’ U, who is all but entirely irrelevant after dominating the 90’s, is another example. 

For its part, Florida sits on the cusp of an SEC title, which would be its 8th since 1991, a possible NC, which would be its second in 4 years and 3rd in 11 years, and oh yeah, is poised to enter the preseason next year as one of the top-2 teams.  By any standards, this resume makes Florida a “national team.”  And, should Florida win the SEC, BCS, and enter next year as pre-season #1, it should and will be argued that Florida has become what USC was a few short years ago, the most dominant program in college football.

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: BCS, BIG 10, PAC 1+9, Pope Urban, SEC

In Tallahassee, conversely, a guarded optimism remains following the ‘Noles blowout win over Colorado and the “not as close as it looked” 41-39 victory over the ghost of Da’ U.  Yep, the ‘Noles appear to be a modestly ascendant program about now.  The ‘Noles rushed for over 250 yards against Colorado and Da’ U and the defense, led by Mr. Burns errr….I meant Mickey Andrews, appears to be modestly salty.  Even so, the ‘Noles have struggled to pass with any consistency (14/31, 159 yards and 2 picks against UM and 17/36, 154 yards and 1 pick against the Buffs) and look to be somewhat 1-dimensional. This spells trouble when the stiff run defenses of V. Tech, G. Tech, and later, Florida, line up opposite the garnet and gold.

The good news?  Being 1-dimensional may be good enough to go 8-4 in the ACC this year.  The bad news?  The ‘Noles schedule is demonstrably more difficult for the rest of the way, with nearly the entire ACC slate remaining and a date with Florida at the end of the year, the passing game will be called upon in the weeks to come.   Should Ponder fail to answer the call, which even the most ardent ‘Nole must admit is a significant possibility, the ‘Noles may end up right where they left off in 2007-which is basically nowhere, playing no one, with no one watching.

The remainder of the division consists of Wake Forest, at least in a figurative sense.  By virtue of its head-to-head win over the ‘Noles, Wake Forest is in the driver’s seat for the division title.  For the snaguine among the ‘Nole contingent, who think FSU’s chances of taking the division are better than “not bloody likely,”  and point to the Demon Deacons loss to Navy and awful win against  a Clemson team dealing with a player-led insurrection as evidence, SNL has one word:  Schedule.

Wake Forest somehow manages to avoid playing North Carolina, Virginia Tech, and Georgia Tech this year.  Thus, while another loss seems inevitable based on recent performances (hell, Wake is only a 1-point favorite at Maryland this Saturday), and two losses is somewhere between plausible and probable, FSU will likely need 3-losses to take the Division.  Why?  FSU plays Virginia Tech and Georgia Tech, which means at least 1 more ACC loss for ‘Noles. 

The remainder of this division is less inspiring than vegetable lasagna.  Which, come to think of it, is more inspiring than a Wake Forest and V. Tech title game in front of a raucous crowd of 30,000.  Bold prediction:  367 yards of combined total offense, no forward pass completed for more than 20 yards, and a television rating lower than the Saturday rerun of Everybody Loves Raymond.

Unlike most Gator fans, SNL sincerely hopes FSU improves if for no reason other than making the ACC Chamionship something other than “must miss TV.”  To be clear, SNL does not extend the same goodwill to Da’ U, despite his love of grills and airbrushed 2001 Impalas.

Tags: ACC, BCS, Noles

Even a hack attorney thaqt graduated from anunaccredited MUNY night school knows that next to voire dire (picking a jury-see O.J. simpson murder trial for further prrof), tThe “discovery phase” of litigation is likely the most important compnent of a trial.  Discovery is governed by rules of procedure which SNL would explain further were there a way to accomplish this without boring you to tears-literally.  Suffice it to say that discovery is aninvestigative process which firms with alot of money can use to sift through endless reams of paper, depose witnesses, and basically over-investigate the merits of a claim brought by those attorneys who dare fight for the “little man.”  The “trial phase” comes at the close of the discovery and as all of you know, the verdict is not far behind. 

Well friends, after 4 weeks of CFB, discovery is closed and the trial is set to begin over the next 4 weeks or so-here’s what we’ve learned:

Houston Nutt has a good team that, like an otherwise attractive girl with an awful lisp or giant nose, just isn’t cute enough to introduce to your friends.  Last week, Ole’ Miss turned the ball over 6 teams en route to a home loss to Vandy-who incidentally, is now the hegemonic power in the state of Tennessee-despite outgaining the Commodores by 200 yards.  What we’ve learned during the discovery phase is that this club will be exciting, score some points, and allow even more.  Should be fun at The Swamp Saturday.

 Phillip Fulmer, cleverly dubbed “The Waist” in one UT publication (have been to Tennessee, this is clever in a relative sense), is now taking potshots at fans with the temerity to boo his bumbling troops at home games-see below.

“Because somebody boos in the stands doesn’t mean you don’t have the support,” Fulmer said. “That just means they’re passionate about what they do. They just want to win. Ninety-five percent of them probably never played football before, or maybe not played a sport. … I would have booed a couple things I saw out there if I’d have been in the stands.

SNL is often wrong, particularly on domestic matters, but this seems to be indictment of the athletic prowess of approximately 95,000 people by a very, very, portly man.  The debacle that is UT should reach a veritable frenzy of hillbilly venom after the Tigers of the Auburn Variety take out their frustrations on the rapidly sinking Vol-ship this Saturday.  What we’ve learned about UT is that this will get worse before it gets better and as SNL previously posted, is likely to end with Fulmer on a platter with an apple in his mouth.

In the words of SNL’s man Vinny, who decided not to gun SNL down outside a local bistro after his Hokies stuck it to the Heels, “LSU is freakin’ good.  They gonna’ kick the Gators ass.”  Dunno about that, but LSU is easily the most formidable team from a talent standpoint in the SEC.  Assuming their QB play continues to improve, it is tough to see them not representing the West this year.

 Nick Saban has inspired the locals to unprecedented heights by virtue of his teams 4-0 start.  As you can see, this is a “mixed-bag” at best.  SNL knows that most of you will view the unidentified man above as the embodiment of Ally-Bammy, which is rife with meth-labs, banjoes, and guns, and guess what-you’re right.  That said Darth Saban has given the most-delusional fans in the CFB world a viable reason to believe that thay are back where they belong.  The good news for visiting fans is that most of this guy’s friends watch the ‘Bama games on the “moving picture box.”

ELSEWHERE…Steve Spurrier has opened each offensive position to competition this week-and has purportedly extended an invite to tryout for the ‘Cocks to the students in the wake of last week’s 23-13 victory over Wofford…

West Virginia’s Board of Governors is already exploring the possibility of replacing Coach Stewie-at a cost of $4 million or so-no wonder this state is so poor…

The PAC 1+9 continued its race to the bottom of the CFB world as the only team of note (and SNL uses this term loosely) outside the City of Angels was throttled at home by the monsters of the Smurf-Turf, Boise St.  Look, SNL is willing to concede that conference supremacy is somewhat cyclical, but the PAC-1 is miserable this year.  E-SPIN’s Colin Cowherd attributes the PAC-10’s woes to the fact that its schools lie primarily in urban settings which results in less emphasis being placed on the University football teams.  There may be some merit to this, but it reminds of me somewhat of Dean Wormser’s admonition to Belushi in Animal House:  “Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life.”

Finally, the SEC has plated for your viewing pleasure the following Games of the Year over the coming weeks:

Sept. 27: Alabama at Georgia, Oct. 11: LSU at Florida, Oct. 25: Georgia at LSU, Nov. 1: Florida vs. Georgia in Jacksonville, Nov. 8: Alabama at LSU. 

SNL is admittedly, a bit of a homer, but the cannibalism in the league has reached new heights and there is no doubt that winning the SEC is more difficult than winning the national championship under the current system.

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: PAC 1+9, SEC

 To the introspective (and impartial) observer, the ‘Noles of the last eight years are similar to the aged-starlet who is no longer capable of inspiring the hormone-filled urges of the adolescent males whose walls she once adorned-still refuses to accept anything less than the leading role in the high-budget romantic comedy, even though the producer wanted her to play the wacky aunt. 

Progressing with this metaphor, FSU, like the aged starlet,  has at various times in during its decline from relevance, awakened the ghosts of  past by staging some titillating performances against less attractive competition.  These performances have imbued in some a belief that FSU will  again illuminate the silver screen of college football with its sexy image-which includes the hot cowgirls and the silly horse and spear act.  However, in each instance (at least during the past 8 years or so), the unsubstantiated hopes of FSU and its fans have faded on the heels of the arrival of the A-list starlets who, after revealing to ‘Nole backers the inadequacy of their once mighty program, leave in their wake a jaded and despondent fan base desperately seeking a spiritual understanding of what has to be god’s wrath.    

This year appears no different as Ponder, who displaced dependable but mediocre 5th-year Senior, Weatherford, as FSU’s starter was 6 of 18 for 52 yards on Saturday with 3 interceptions for good measure (which is 3 interceptions more than Florida has thrown all year).  Nor was there any relief in sight as Ponder’s backup, Richardson, was content to match Ponder by going 6 for 18 for 66 yards, with 2 interceptions.  The ineffectiveness of the ‘Nole QB’s, is enough for the ‘Nole backers to at least question the reluctance to play Weatherford, whose failure to appear can be construed as nothing other than an indictment of the Coaches belief in his ability to play at this point.

SNL’s not-so-bold prediction:  The undefeated Colorado Buffaloes deliver a performance that renders the aged-starlet that is FSU’s football program less relevant than Valerie Bertinelli outside the confines of Tally this Saturday.  By Monday, the only attention garnered by the tight gold pants of the ‘Noles will be the unwanted advances of drunken skank who will settle for anything dressed “shinily.”

And, gloating and short-sighted Gator-fan, this is not a good thing for Florida as this once thriving rivalry is destined to become more of an afterthought than it is already unless FSU can find some semblance of its former self over the course of this season.  Anyone know a good plastic surgeon?

Miami running back Derron Thomas (21) pushes off Texas A&M defensive back Alton Dixon (9) on a 2-yard run during the second quarter of their NCAA football game Saturday, Sept. 20, 2008 in College Station.  In case you hadn’t noticed, UM rebounded from the Florida loss nicely by routing (an admittedly horrible) Texas A & M team last weekend.  In so doing, the Baby ‘Canes racked up 400 yards of offense and looked more or less like a team that is officially on the rise.  This should thrill UM’s “Cosmopolitan” fan base, most of whom were shopping for chrome-plated car accessories during the game.  Kidding aside, the ‘Canes have a shot at the ACC (who doesn’t) this year, which bodes well for the Gators in a year when the ‘Noles and UT are both likely to be at or near .500 when the final bell sounds on the 2008 season.

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

 

Without looking, SNL knows that the Big 12, Pac-10, and Big 10 have not a game on tap this weekend that will intrigue the average viewer.  Fortunately, at least for those who prefer football to latte’ and hiking (at least on Saturday’s), the SEC has again provided a contest that should rival Galdiator for indiscriminate violence and bloodletting, Georgia v. Alabama

While SNL has yet to break this game down, it has seen enough of these two teams to know that both are seriously loaded.  Early thoughts are tha Alabama’s DT’s will make life difficult for Knowshon and Senior QB, John Parker-Wilson, should be able to manage the game well enough to keep ‘Bama within the Vegas number, which has UGA favored by between 6 and 8.  More on this later….

Tags: Noles, scUM, SEC, UF

Joe Pa’-who seems to most objective observers to be ready for the obligatory geriatric pilgrimage to Del Boca Vista, where he can drive a golf-cart to nearby early-bird specials- let this humdinger rip at his weekly press conference:

“I don’t have the slightest idea what ‘HD’ means. What’s it supposed to mean?” – Joe Paterno, Penn State coach, when asked what HD stands for in the team’s “Spread HD” offense, which was given its name by his son and co-offensive coordinator, Jay.

While it may not be clear to Joe Pa’ what “Spread HD” means, his Nittany Lions have been right impressive to those of us fortunate enough to watch them on one of those new fangled ”moving picture boxes” over the past couple of weeks.

Tennessee Volunteer beat writer, John Adams believes that Miami’s performance in the Swamp last Saturday gives Vols fans a recipe to defeat the Gators and more importantly, a reason for hope.  Nonetheless, pessimism will find its way into the cocktail of hope and moonshine that Vols fans are known to drink before the mighty Gators come to town.  The over/under is the 2nd quarter of their game against UF when, down 14-3 and looking every bit the confused, blundering offense that played UCLA,  they are forced to accept that not much has changed since last year’s 59-20 drubbing.  Which begs the question:  How do you smuggle booze (or hope) into Neyland stadium when you’re wearing a wooden barrel?

In what has to be the “eye-rolling-oh-yeah-that-will-fix-it” story of CFB, Steve Spurrier plans to play 2 quarterbacks against UGA this weekend.  In a related story, Taliban fighters are building large slingshots to hurl “dung bombs” at USAF fighter planes. 

Seriously, SNL remembers Spurrier well from his Gator days and will be the first to go on record as saying that the failure to improve on last year’s limp and unsatisfying season  may spell the end of Spurrier’s tenure-wallowing in mediocrity is not one of Spurrier’s strengths.  In fact, another 6-6 season without a bowl, and the CFB nation may forget what Spurrier’s strengths are.

UM coach Randy Shannon shouts instructions to his players during last Saturday's game against Florida in Gainesville. Florida won 26-3.  In addition to negative treatment from the national media (See E-SPIN’s PTI and SI’s Mandel), UM’s own beat writers are disappointed in Coach Shannon’s rant during Sunday’s postgame press conference, when he essentially called Coach Meyers classless and heralded UM’s 26-3 defeat as a boost to recruiting. Unswayed by the tenants of “logic” and “reason” relied upon by members of the press, UM fans will continue to spend their money from fenced items and low-level drug sales on gold teeth and rented rims in protest of Urban’s decision.  That will teach him!

-So Sayeth the Shepherd