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LSU: WHAT THEY’RE SAYING…

October 9, 2008 in ATS, Gators, Main Content, SEC, SEC Fans | No comments

lsu eye of the tiger  The Thursday before a big game usually finds SNL crescendoing into a 48 hour frenzy which seldom ends with SNL in cuffs anymore, but probably should-especially following a loss.  Naturally, this requires a great deal of energy which SNL feeds not with “bowls of oatmeal” (sorry Hippie Mike), but by reviewing the publications of the enemy camp.

This endeavor is not only insightful, but saves SNL from regressing to the days of yore, when SNL relied on the effective but unimaginative banter typically employed by youthful fans (and older fans with no affiliation with any University outside of a brief stint in a nearby holding facility following a high speed chase with local law enforcement).   

You know, the traditional “my team is not only better than yours, but I am genetically superior as well by virtue of the team I support” type stuff.  For those of you who sophomorically cling to this line of thinking as you approach the big game, please see SNL’s previous post which hopefully, will resonate on on some level with even the most illogically fervent fan.  

In any event, here’s a smattering of LSU headlines for your prerusal, followed by some commentary from SNL:

 Joe St. Pierre of the Daily Reveille writes: 

During LSU coach Les Miles’ reign, the Tigers are a staggering 13-2 when they have more than a week to prepare. They haven’t lost since Dec. 3, 2005, when Georgia whipped them, 34-14, in the SEC Championship game eight days after the Tigers defeated Arkansas, 19-17.

Looks like lady luck — and   history — are on the Tigers’ side for the trip to Gainesville, Fla.

But LSU won’t need luck or even history to help them to the win.

The Gators’ offense has looked horrid the last two games.

Fresh off a 31-30 loss to Ole Miss, Florida committed 12 penalties for 110 yards and seemed to struggle in a 38-7 win against Arkansas.

It wasn’t until a fourth-quarter, 21-point explosion that the Gators pulled away.

James Varney of the Times-Picayune, penned the following:

The Florida depth chart shows not one senior among the starting 11 defenders. Could that be an area LSU might exploit?

“Yeah, in a way you do, they do have some young players on their team, and we’ve looked at that,” LSU redshirt freshman quarterback Jarrett Lee said.

and later…

Florida may especially be concerned about its rushing defense, and not only because Saturday it will face LSU junior tailback Charles Scott, who has rushed for more than 100 yards in every game this season and whose six touchdowns are second in the SEC. The Gators gave up just 72.3 rushing yards per game through their opening three games, but that number has ballooned to 140.5 yards per game. That jump has occurred against Ole Miss and Arkansas, neither a team with a back as accomplished as Scott.

LSU blogger, Richard Pittman, probably encapsulates best the sentiment of the entire LSU nation in the following passage(s):

Their defense is athletic, but I think is weak on the line, and LSU with its power running game and play action game can probably have success there.  We can also take advantage of injuries on the defense, including to starting linebacker Dustin Doe, who is out with hernia surgery.

I’m just going to say it in bold print here.  I think that right now, LSU is a better team than Florida.  I think LSU’s offense is better than Florida’s defense, and I think LSU’s defense is better than Florida’s offense, particularly if we can eliminate the occasional coverage breakdown.  Our lines are better.  Our team is healthier.

By any empirical measure, LSU’s hubris entering Saturday’s contest is reasonable.  Even a modestly candid Gator fan must admit that LSU is more than capable of winning this game-their lines of scrimmage are solid and, against a much weaker schedule than Florida’s, LSU’s offense has forged an identity which arguably plays to the Gators’ perceived lack of physicality on Defense.

Nonetheless, after watching the second half of the LSU-Auburn game, which is the only win of note for the Tigers, SNL remains steadfast in its prediction of a Gator victory this week.  This prediciton is partially based on nebulous factors, such as Florida’s urgent need, and Pope Meyer’s ability to will his team to wins in big games.  But SNL is not overly reliant on variables that cannot be quantified due to several tangible factors. 

First, LSU is bringing a redshirt-freshmen QB into The Swamp.  And, if you read yesterday’s post, you know that Gator fans have a firm grasp on the importance of this game, which will make Saturday’s venue demonstrably more hostile that faced by LSU several weeks ago on the plains of Auburn. If, as SNL believes, the Gator defense can have success on 1st down, LSU’s newbie will be put in some bad positions.

Even more importantly, SNL likes the Gators offense versus the LSU defense.  This assertion will doubtless be greeted with a raised eyebrow by LSU and Gator fans alike, and for good reason.  But recall that Auburn led LSU 17-3 and had the ball deep in LSU territory before an offensive meltdown.  Also, take a minute to reflect on the fact that Auburn’s offensive coordinator has since been fired.  So, just how impressive was LSU’s victory in The Plains?  It seems clear in retrospect that Auburn’s offensive impotence played a significant role in LSU’s comeback.  Does anyone have any doubt that Florida’s offense, warts and all, is not leaps and bounds better than Auburn’s offense?

In addition, there have been signs, including but not limited to the 4th quarter last week, which indicate that Florida’s offense is on the cusp of morphing into a unit that more closely resembles the juggernaut predicted by most, if not all CFB fans.  The talent is in place and this unit should be able to pressure LSU’s defense, particularly if they choose to attack on 1st down, which will create some favorable down and distance situations and obviate the likelihood of 3rd and short, which is clearly a weakness heading into this game.  This will have the added beneift of pressuring LSU’s offense to keep pace, which SNL believes to be a poor fit for the Tigers.

In the aggregate, a crazy scene at the Swamp coupled with LSU’s overconfidence, Florida’s offense and redemption-fueled determination to reclaim its place in the hunt for championships, is a plausible recipe for victory.  Don’t forget to tip your waitress.

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: LSU, Meyer, SEC, The Swamp

(FILL IN THE BLANK): YOU WILL SUFFER HUMILIATION WHEN THE GATORS WIN THIS WEEKEND

October 9, 2008 in Fans, SEC, SEC Fans | No comments

Dear Opposing Fan:

As you can see from the calendar, the game is coming up this weekend. I’m sure you are as excited for it as I am, as our cities are rivals and have been for quite some time. Your confidence in your team is high, but rest assured, you will suffer humiliation when the sports team from my area defeats the sports team from your area.

On numerous occasions, you have expressed the conviction that your area’s sports team will be victorious. I must admit that every time I hear you make this proclamation, I react with both laughter and disbelief. “Ha!” I say to myself with laughter. “What?!” I say to myself in disbelief. How could you believe that your sports team could beat my sports team? It is clear that yours is inferior in every way.

When the sporting contest begins, the players on your team will be treated as though they are inconsequential. It will be remarkably easy for my team to accumulate more points than yours. There are many reasons for this, starting with the inferior physical attributes of the players representing your area. Strength, speed, and agility are just three of the qualities that the players on the team from your area lack. The players representing my area, on the other hand, have these traits in abundance.

I would not be a bit surprised if the individuals on the team from your area were sexually attracted to members of their own gender. That is how ineffective they are on the field of battle.

Underscoring your team’s inferiority is its choice of colors. It is ludicrous to believe that your team’s colors inspire either respect or fear. Instead, they appear to have been chosen by someone who is colorblind or, perhaps, bereft of sight altogether. The colors for my team, on the other hand, are aesthetically pleasing when placed in proximity to one another. They are a superior color combination in every way.

While we are on the subject of aesthetics, let us compare the respective facilities in which our teams play. While my team’s edifice is blessed with architectural splendor and the most modern of amenities, yours is a thoroughly unpleasant place in which to watch a sporting contest. I know of what I speak, for I once attended a game between our respective teams in your facility. Let’s just say the experience left me wishing that my car was inoperable that day due to mechanical problems, rendering it impossible for me to get to your area to attend the game.

If you need another reason why the sporting franchise representing my area is superior, look no further than the supporters for the two sides. Not only are the supporters of the team from my region more spirited, but they are also more intelligent and of finer breeding than you and the rest of your ilk. In addition, the female supporters of the team from my area possess more attractive countenances and figures than yours. Some of the women from my side that I have observed could make a living by posing for pictures for major men’s magazines. The women who cheer for your team, I’m afraid, are far too unattractive to do so.

One of the more pathetic aspects of the team from your area is the fact that only people in your immediate area possess an affinity for it. By means of contrast, the team from my area inspires loyalty and affection in individuals who live in many other geographic locations.

To illustrate this point, let me tell a brief story: Recently, I was on vacation in an area of the country far away from my own, and I saw many individuals wearing items of clothing that bore the insignia of my team. I approached one such individual and asked him if he originated from my area. He said no, explaining that he simply liked the team from my area and had for many years. Interestingly enough, during this trip, I saw no clothing or other paraphernalia bearing the insignia of your team.

Do you still doubt that the team from your area is inferior to the one from mine? Just look at our teams’ respective histories. In the past, we have defeated you on any number of occasions. Granted, there were times when your team beat my team, but those were lucky flukes.

The day of the game will soon be at hand. And no matter how hard you pray to a higher power or how many foam accoutrements you wear in support of the team from your area, your team will be defeated. We will win and you will lose. This is your fate.

Prepare for humiliation. It shall be upon you at the designated hour.

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Column Courtesy of The Onion

Tags: Fans, Rivalries

LSU’S CHANCES OF “TAKING OUT TEBOW?” SIGNS SAY: NOT LIKELY.

October 8, 2008 in Main Content, SEC, SEC Fans | No comments

  SNL, like every media outlet from “Mike and Mike” to “Pardon the Interruption,” reported yesterday that LSU DT, Ricky Jean-Francois, was quoted as saying that LSU wanted to “take Tebow out” if possible.  Jean-Francois left little wiggle room when he responded to a follow-up question by noting that Tebow “could get medical treatment Sunday” from Florida’s trainers. 

As you might expect, the silver-tongued Jean-Francois has since been called upon to conduct damage control and offered this prepared written statement in hopes of explaining what he meant when uttering yesterday’s illy worded barb:

My comments in regard to Florida quarterback Tim Tebow were misinterpreted and were intended to reflect the style of football that we play at LSU. We have great respect for Tim as a player and a competitor. By taking him out of the game, I meant as a defense we are going to try to make him ineffective. I’m sorry that my initial comments were interpreted another way.”

SNL will ignore the obvious, which is that Jean-Francois-who was suspended last year for..uhhhh…”academic insufficiencies”-clearly did not author the passage above, which reads more like a remiss CEO’s contrived statement of contrition than a forced apology from a 6″3 290 lb. quarterback-seeking cyborg on the eve of a showdown.  However, this is to lose the forest for the trees.

 Any objective football fan (a term used loosely in the context of the SEC), especially one who has spent anytime playing football, knows that this is G-rated stuff which yields little , if any, pragmatic use for either team outside of the standard “bulletin board material” that fans love to regurgitate in the days before a big game.

That said SNL has heard from LSU fans all week, each less eloquent than the last, but  all unified in their belief that LSU’s defensive line is the equivalent of an unstoppable force of nature that will spare only those who kneel before it from total destruction.  SNL, fearing for the women and children caught in the wake if this bellicose group of cajun hellions, was considering relocation until he discovered the following pearl:

LSU is 11th (of 12) in the SEC in sacks per game. Even better, Jean-Francois, utterer of the now infamous threat of bodily injury to Florida’s quixotic leader, Tebow, has one sack through 4 games.  For purposes of comparison, Gator fans may want to know that Florida is 3rd in the SEC with 13 sacks through 5 games.  These are interesting numbers considering that sacking the QB is a perceived strength for LSU, and a perceived weakness for Florida. 

The upshot, Gator fans, is that Florida’s offensive line may lose some battles this Saturday, but will win some too.

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: Gators, LSU, SEC, Tebow

LSU v. FLORIDA: GATOR FANS MAKE THE DIFFERENCE?

October 8, 2008 in ATS, Fans, Gators, Main Content, SEC, SEC Fans | No comments

  

As the LSU-Florida showdown nears, the LSU message boards are making it abundantly clear that LSU fully expects to win this game-and, by a fairly significant margin.  

Naturally, there is no statistical significance to the banal banter of fans, nor do fans throw, catch, run, block or tackle come gameday.  However, SNL has long subscribed to the theory that the confidence, complacence, fear, and hubris of a teams fans is often personified by their team with disastrous (or fantastic) results.  

For example, when Florida lost to Ole Miss two weeks ago, the crowd was about as animated as the ostensibly “diverse” group that watched that smooth talking dude debate that  angry old guy on every freaking channel last night. SNL took note of thousands of empty seats before kickoff and (wrongly) assumed that the Gator faithful were “fashionably late.”  By the 2nd quarter, however, it was apparent that Florida fans simply weren’t that excited about playing a 23-point underdog and had instead opted to stay home and nurse their hangovers.

Keeping with SNL’s theory, the malaise of the Gator allegiant had spread like STD’s at a fraternity house and ultimately, manifested itself in the players, who were clearly less than amped before kickoff-which is why the E-SPIN heads will hawk their weekly CFB promo at the Cotton Bowl this week instead of The Swamp. 

Applying this theory to the upcoming SEC showdown, and particularly, the overconfident Tigers of the LSU variety, gives rise to a situation that has been much more favorable to The Gators in recent years;  the role of the underdog.  Naturally, the rigid contingent of fans who worship at the Vegas altar will run to the safety of the current spread, which is Gators by 4-5, to undermine this assertion.  For those who fall into this category, SNL weeps for your lack of understanding.

The fact is that the Gator chatboards, talkshows, and even national media have embarked on a furious “What’s wrong with Florida?” campaign (see SNL’s previous post for more on this).  This engine of discontent has been oiled by Gator fans with disastrous effect ( See Tebow’s stoic reaction after throwing a perfect strike to Harvin last week in last week’s “disgraceful” 38-7 road win as Exhibit “A.”)

Irrespective of the origins, the Gators have found themselves to be underdogs in the eye of the public and more importantly, in the eyes of both Gator and LSU fans.  Therefore, if SNL’s theory holds true, LSU’s players are expecting little adversity on Saturday-the defense will dominate the line of scrimmage and Chuck “The Truck” will run through gaping holes torn in the Baby Gators weak defensive front.

Florida players, conversely, have suffered a shocking loss and heard for weeks now how bad they are. The restless Gator-backers have piled on by openly grousing about the offense’s inability to be perfect and the defense’s seeming lack of progress. 

The predictable result is that the Gators, and their fans, have their backs against the wall.  This in turn means that unlike the poorly prepared and cathartic group of Gators that showed up two weeks ago, The Swamp this Saturday will be the home of a focused, angry, scared, and determined Gator Nation. 

The result, 23-19 Florida, of course. 

But make no mistake Gator fans, there exists a real need to diametrically alter your general tenor, which is eerily similar to the end of Spurrier’s reign, when winning by too little was grounds to attack the OBC and losing was unacceptable.  The current spate of negativity surrounding the Gators should work in our favor this week, but in the long run it will run off coaches, dissuade recruits and make Gator football a “chore” instead of a treat.  Govern yourselves accordingly.

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tags: Gators, LSU, SEC, Tebow, Urban

VANDY’S FUTURE v. UT’S PRESENT…

October 7, 2008 in Gators, Main Content, SEC, SEC Fans, Vols | No comments

2 weeks ago UT lost to Auburn.  Last week Vandy beat Auburn-fans who abhor change are likely to find this as unsettling as the current state of the global financial system.  And, for those who employ some sort of empirical system to rate the relative strengths and weaknesses of CFB teams, which is a dubious passion at best, Vandy’s success continues to be an enigma that rivals black holes, Stonehenge, and the popularity of American Idol as some of life’s greatest mysteries. 

In support of this assertion, SNL somewhat rigidly looks to the latests stats, which confirm that Vandy ranks at or near the bottom of every major statistical category on both offense ands defense except one:  Turnover margin.

SNL supposes the obvious nugget to be extrapolated is the hardly Socratean adage “turnovers lose (or win) games,” which we can expect to hear literally hundreds of times per week from the E-SPIN heads, writers and coaches on any given week with predictable mind-numbing effect.

Still, SNL cannot help but believe that Vandy’s best weapon, even today, is that it is difficult for teams to get excited when they play Vandy.  Vandy is now ranked in the top-20 and undefeated.  Nonetheless, SNL is looking forward to the game with the OBC’s Cocks than the Vandy matchup and presumes that this sentiment is shared by many, if not most, Gator fans.

This phenomenon, which is admittedly asinine by any objective measure given Vandy’s current success, has been embedded in the dark recesses of the SEC’s collective brain (yes, SNL realizes this term is subject to attack by way of “oxymoron”) since Vandy began showing up for beatdowns at SEC stadiums in @ 1991 (it was 1991, right?). 

Today, the attention-starved Commodores are gloating like a 7-year old with a new bike.  This, of course, is the natural progression for any contingent that has suffered years of hegemonic dominance at the hands of an infinitely more powerful and notorious rival that unexpectedly finds itself occupying the alpha-male vacuum left in the wake of its rival’s self-inflicted implosion.  To wit, the Vandy message board(s) (SNL has yet to locate more than 1) are rife with bowl projections, delusional recruiting aspirations, and wistful predictions of an SEC East title.

While SNL does not begrudge the Commodores understandable need to revel in the statistically improbable combination of their success and UT’s woes, the evidence seems to suggest that Vanderbilt’s fall from the ranks of the ranked will happen sooner than later.  In fact, Vandy will likely lose at least 4 of its remaining games-please note, this rosy prediction assumes that Vandy wins against Croom’s cerebrally challenged Bulldog’s this weekend, and later against Foolmer’s Vols.  Given Vandy’s penchant for cellar-dwelling, an 8-4 season constitutes an unparalleled success which should result in a New Year’s eve bowl game.  The true test, however, for Vandy and its fans will be in 2009 when the Commodores battle the foe that the heavyweight SEC programs have battled for decades: expectations. 

Now, about those Vols…

The Vols freefall has reached terminal velocity and shows no signs of slowing before the close of the casket that is the 2008 season.  Last week, the Vols manged to play Northern Illinois to a 3-3 tie at halftime, before surging to a 13-9 victory at Neyland Stadium.  In the process, the Vols managed 9 first downs (to N. Illinois’ 13) and around 230 yards of offense.  Rumor has it that the Vols players’ ability to catch, block, run, throw, and tackle was inhibited by the sun’s glare reflecting off the 35,000 or so empty seats in Neyland.

Absent a resurrection of biblical proportions, the Vols will not go bowling this year and the rumors of a booster-led coup to replace the floundering Fulmer regime at season’s end seem to be all that stands between Fulmer and a whiskey soaked mob of coon-skin wearing rocky toppers exacting their own brand of revenge.

For SNL, chronicling UT’s demise has been a sad affair.  Gone is the anticipation of the 3rd game of the season against a formidable foe, and in its place is another “expected win” which yields no upside from a national perspective, but carries with it the danger of a potentially season-derailing upset.   Things will change soon in Knoxville, they always do in this league.

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: Fulmer, SEC, Vandy, Vols

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