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MGoBlog  (which for those who don’t know, is a Michigan blog that is extremely well hosted), is reporting that Alabama and Michigan have agreed to playin Jerry’s House in Dallas, Tx in 2012.  Once you accept that backward-hat-wearing-Romo will probably be on the sidelines hamming it up with Saban’s well-oiled shock troops, the first question to pop into mind is who will be coaching Michigan once Rich-Rod is canned?  For that matter, who will be coaching ‘Bama? 

In a tangentially related story, a Dallas newspaper is reporting that Jerry Jones has asked Kim Kardashian for the name Bruce Jenner’s plastic surgeon-maybe Jenner can be honored at halftime?

On a more obvious note, it is somewhat galling that ‘Bama continues to schedule neutral site games (or home games) of obvious national significance.  True, there exist some plausible albeit provincial arguments for Florida’s inability to accomplish this.  But how much would you pay to see Urb kick the **** out of Layla Kiffin’s husband on a neutral site?  (The smug gonad pictured to the right, fyi.) 

We get it, FSU is non-conference rival which eats a spot on the schedule and there has to be so many home games a year, yada, yada.  But what ‘Bama is doing is not only admirable, it’s great theatre.  And, while heaping accolades on Da’U isn’t exactly par for the course here at SNL, have you checked the ‘Canes schedule lately? 

Florida’s athletic department is more or less unimpeachable by any objective measure, but come on Foley-Notre Dame in 2013?  The Girls of Troy?

 

About this time last year, the Gator Nation was basking the warm glow brought about by the return of their quixotic QB and nearly everyone else from their Championship team.  Bolstered by predictions of a second consecutive championship (or at least a spot in the BCSCG) by everyone from Athlon’s and Steele to Mandel, there were actually boosters of the Bull-Gator variety booking rooms in Pasadena in August 2009. 

Then came the season, which judging by the number of columns asking what was “wrong” with Florida’s offense and the legions of fans voicing their displeasure with the “3-yards-but-occasionally-40-and-a-cloud-of-dust” playbook, was pure drudgery.  Meyer’s clipped tone following the victory over the Vols was merely the beginning of what would be an unending string of games that found the Florida staff  at a loss to explain wins. 

It should be noted that Florida’s schedule last year contributed mightily to the discontent of the Gator allegiant.  Within weeks, the Vols lost to what turned out to be a horrible UCLA team at home, UGA lost to Okie St., and LSU struggled mightily against nobody.  In typical fashion, the ‘Noles did their part by fielding the worst defense this side of Bethune-Cookman and losing their star QB weeks before the Gators came to town.  Put another way, the regular season schedule stunk, at least on paper.   As it turned out, only Arkansas (with questionable calls and a last minute comeback) and UGA provided any relief to the fretting Gator Nation in 2009, but if candor is among your attributes, Gator fan, you’ll admit that last year was all about one game, the rematch with ‘Bama.

Irrespective, there wasn’t a game on the schedule that the Gators weren’t supposed to win handily (the lowest point-spread of the year was Florida by 6.5-over Bama!), and the resulting mindset of the Gator Nation was that there was but one way win; destroy everyone.  Candidly, the pyrotechnic display Florida put on during the latter half of 2008 made this seem like a reasonable request at the time.  The realit was, however, quite different.

And, we all know how this ended-with our stud DE receiving a DUI for sleeping at a red light (allegedly) after attending a party with pretty much the entire team, followed by a sound beating at the hands of Darth Saban’s shock troops and teary-eyed Tebow on every flat screen in the Country.   Shortly thereafter, the Gator Nation was literally mouth agape for the better part of 2 weeks after learning that our seemingly impervious Coach was leaving for health reasons.  Looking back, it seems that the crushing weight of last season’s expectations was so tremendous, that it had a visceral effect on the usually stoic Coach Meyer.  And why wouldn’t it? 

For those among you who still doubt the accuracy of this post, please see Florida’s inability to sell out it’s Sugar Bowl ticket alotment as Exhibit “A,” and the muted exuberance of the Gator Nation following our bludgeoning of an undefeated Cincinatti as Exhibit “B.”  No storming of the streets, few parties, and little more than a “phew” followed by a wipe of your nervous brow when Florida took early control of the game.

What makes this painful chronology worth recounting is the fact both the local heads, such as Dolley and Ackerman, and the fans are far more intrigued by this year’s Gators than last year’s juggernaut and in turn, far more excited.  Admittedly, this is strange considering the Gator Nation’s obsessive love affair the St. Tim of Tebow and the chance to repeat as CFB Champions, but true nonetheless.   

Naturally, the holdovers from the Spurrier era will counter this position by alleging that it never gets tired beating your rivals by 40 points.  While there is some merit to this, context must be added to fully understand while this doesn’t remain true today.  First, Spurrier was a veritable Moses, leading Florida to the promised land after years of plague, drought and famine.  For those old enough to remember the 80’s, pre-Spurrier Florida football was best characterized by the hapless Buck Belue’s improbable connection with Lindsay Scott for a 90 yard touchdown pass in the last seconds of the annual Florida-Georgia tilt.  Bye the bye, this heart-breaking play came at a time when the forward pass was akin to “cheating” in the SEC.  Add to the mix the fact that the SEC was much deeper in the 90’s, with Alabama, Tennessee, Georgia, Auburn, and LSU fielding top-10 outifts on a near annual basis.  And bye the bye, this was the apex Florida State’s former empire too.  Under these circumstances, 10-years or so of vanquishing your highly-ranked rivals in dramatic fashion and reveling in the lamentations of their fans was a necessary and soothing balm for the Gator Nation.

Today, however, Florida is one of a handful of programs that comprise the nation’s elite and the once deep SEC has seen hard times fall on once proud regimes in Auburn, Tennessee, and Georgia, and to a lesser extent, LSU.  Furthermore, FSU is a mere shadow of its former self.  All of which makes it nice, for a change, to harbor a shred of doubt as we head into 2010. 

Distilled to its core, this season is one of slightly reduced expectations, combined with an improved schedule and a new cast of Gators.  For example, Florida’s game with ‘Bama will be the first game the Gators aren’t favored to win in 2 years.  Florida St. whould be much better and, if you believe the premonitions of Dooley and Heath Cline, South Carolina and Georgia could be better than advertised too.  In addition, while few will outwardly admit it, there is a desire to see the return of the high-octane spread attack that catapulted Coach Meyer to prominence and most, if not many, think Brantley will drastically change the look of this team  by filling the air with tight spirals.  All told, it seems that the Coaches, Players, media and fans like this team and even better, feel like the Gators might be able to surpirse a few folks this year. 

The moral of the story, if you care for such things, is that uncertainty and occasionally, fear, have returned in 2010, and brought their old friend, anticipation along with them.         

News and Notes…Alabama’s QB wrecking cyborg of BCSCG fame, Marcel Dareus is practicing while the NCAA looks into him taking his talents to South Beach this summer…SEC Commish, Mike Slive, tacitly concedes that he boozed a bit when Kiffin left town…USC makes a run at its own brawl-a-palooza…Florida’s Chris Rainey intimates that there may have been some prima donnas on last year’s squad….and the first USA Today Coaches poll ranks the Gators at #3, which is 9 spots above Pat Dooley’s pre-season ranking. 

  The embedded video is the only solace we can find in this week’s card, which is dreadful by any objective measure, at least from a purely aesthetic point of view.  Sure, there are a few jewels for those who, like SNL, are investment minded.  But all in all, most are free to make it a “Blockbuster Night.”  Not casting stones, but a heartfelt thanks to the SEC for trotting out another round of exhibition games, that goes for you too beloved Gators.   

Another round of applause for the Michigan and OSU programs for making this rivalry the Big 10 equivalent of UT v. Vandy, a more or less regional rivalry of no interest to anyone outside of Michigan and Ohio. Seems like only yesterday that the nation was hand-wringing in anticipation of this game, with E-SPIN prodding us along with a 48 hour “Countdown” clock.  Ahh….to be young again. 

Well, flock, we can all sit here and lament this lost weekend of football or we can seek to replenish our depleted emotional reserves in the manner that all Americans aspire to:  Helping others?  Fighting on?  Leading by example?  Don’t make me laugh.   By gambling on football on using the winnings to purchase ridiculous brand name crap we don’t need.  Let’s go…

Texas A & M (-6) v. Baylor: This is the official “My other car is…” game.  The implication, naturally, is that those who place one of these bumper stickers on  their cars don’t have an “other car,” and if they do, it’s a piece of crap.  Here, Baylor is the other car.  So, let’s complete the puzzle for the hard-of-thinking… Baylor’s other car is a myth or a piece of crap.  Aggies and the 12th man roll.

Vandy at UT (-17):  Another rivalry that isn’t.  This game is, however, a testament to SNL’s depravity, which is boundless.  Seriously, SNL hates Layla Kiffin’s Husband and his putrid program, but love UT against the spread.  The lesson?  Glad you asked:  Money trumps hatred.  UT wins big and all the convenience stores in Knoxville close the minute the game is over. 

LSU at Ole Miss (o42):  Ole Miss remains enigmatic and, like a heavily marketed Nick Cage flick, always seems to disappoint.  Still, McCluster is on a tear and LSU’s wideouts should have some success against the Rebs (assuming Jefferson plays).  And, the number seems relatively low.  In other words, there’s alot of ways to get to 42 points, especially with Dex on the field. 

Final thoughts…a moment of silence for the PAC 1+9, which is dead from a national perspective.  Doubters of the veracity of this statement are encouraged to check tomorrow’s ratings for the ‘Zona v. Oregon matchup, will whill be lower than the Fox rerun of Cops.  Love ‘em or hate ‘em, USC’s national cache’ was the only thing that kept the PAC-10 in the national consciousness. 

As for the Boise, TCU, Cincinatti debacle…does anyone really care?  TCU certainly passes the eyeball test and could probably play with any on the top-3, but Cinci and Boise seem woefully inept on the defensive side of the ball and to make matter worse for the smurf-turf bunch, the schedule is laughable, not matter how big the MOV.  Naturally, Boise will play some BCS school that is under-motivated and disinterested, and might even win.  Following which the Boise allegiant will trumpet their program as the equal of any while the more rational towns folk scoff. 

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: ATS, BCS, BIG 10, Boise, Degenerate Gamblers, Layla Kiffin, SEC, TCU, Urban Meyer

Phew…we at SNL have been running amok about the state of Florida this week.  Why you ask?  To bring you the very best in breaking CFB news and information?  Which you, loyal members of the flock can then parlay into a nifty nest egg to be frivolously spent on booze, rims, and Affliction gear  that matches your barbwire tattoo?  Not even close.

Still, we’ve managed to find a little time to put together a palatable slate of plays for those of you interested in this sort of thing…you know who you are, you’re called “degenerates” by people of good repute.

Florida at USC (+17.5):  We posted earlier this week on what a strange year this has been for the Gator allegiant.  Like Dickinson said many years ago…It was the best of times, it was the worst of times… 

What we expect is more of the same from our beloved Gators…good defense and so many field goals you’ll feel like your watching Australian Rules…Throw in the slugger’s chance you always have when The Visor is pacing the sidelines with his diabolical playbook and the fact the ‘Cocks are pretty stiff at home (who can resist?), and we’ll take the generous 17 plus the hook. 

Afterwards, we’ll join the rest of the Gators in listening stone-faced to Urban’s typical, taciturn post-game press conference which will include some variation of the following statement “that was Florida football out there, field position, protect the ball, and good defense,” and if we’re lucky to catch our stoic leader on a peppy day, something like “any win in the SEC is a good win.”  He’ll be right of course, but we’ll still feel like we just took a smokin’ hot girl to a $200.00 dinner at Ruth’s Chris and didn’t even get a kiss at the door. 

Florida 23-13, and don’t bother DVR’ing the game, you won’t want to watch it twice.

Utah (+20.5) at TCU:  We here at SNL love us some Utes.  No, not because they were kind of enough to give us Urban Meyer in exchange for a truckload of money.  Rather, our love is founded on irony:  As in, “it’s ironic that the Utes do not aspire to the ethnic and religious homogeneity of their sister university, BYU.”  Because of this willingness to embrace athletes who are more err….athletic- yea! That’s it…athleitc!!-than those of the Provo variety, the Utes can hang around with TCU.   Here’s to you Jimmy the Greek!

TCU 28-13…buy the hook an make sure you get the three touchdonwns, you’ll be white-knuckling until the end of this one.

The Best of the Rest:

Miss St. (+12.5) over ‘Bama

Da’U v. UNC o44

Stanford (+10.5) over the Boy-Troys

Notre Dame (+7) over Pitt…

-So sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: ACC, ATS, Bama, BCS, Degenerate Gamblers, Gators, Horned Frogs, Meyer, Spurrier, USC, Utes

Housekeeping…before we get to the picks, let’s clear the air on a few things that have upset members of the Flock.  Enough about Spikes!  It was a chippy game, he’s a good guy, and really, the only reason to be upset is because Pope Urban caved to pressure from national toolbags like Lupica, and Mike Golic and suspended him. 

Golic, bye the bye, has confessed that in the days of yore’ he tried to choke a man in the pile a la John Wesley Harden of “Time Life Book Fame” (that’s right, the look and feel of hand-tooled leather!). If that’s not enough, Golic is corpulent and decidedly unfunny, and as clever as it may have been at the time for E-SPIN to pair the hefty, quasi-burly Golic with his effeminate, eunuch of a counterpart, the cache has long since passed and these two should fade quietly into the night only to be seen on reality TV. 

Steve Czaban has also been openly critical Meyer, but he’s so damn funny, we here at SNL have turned the other cheek.  Seriously folks, make the switch from “Tubby Mike and Skinny Mike,” and hit up the Czabe, it’s like going from box wine to Dom. 

Finally…..remember and weep ye’ of the soft-heart…

Moving on….

Vanderbilt (+35) at Florida: Pops won’t like this pick, so it calls for an explanation.  Some years ago, when Spurrier’s Gators were kicking the bejeezus out of everyone, Florida opened with a directional school and the spread was Florida -56!!!  At the time, SNL had a policy of not picking for or against the Gators, even against the spread.

The following Tuesday, SNL presented at the rear of Sal’s “Fine Italian Eatery” to fork over some hard earned dough to Vinnie “Hands” Moresci, who sat smugly at his table as he always did (and does)-as he should because he’s always flanked by at least two Italians who are north of 250 lbs. and look they would poke your eyes out with an icepick if Vincenzo gave them the nod. 

I counted out my losses (SNL wasn’t as sharp back then) and Vincenzo said, “Why’nt take Northern Illinois (or whoerver it was) kid?”

“I don’t bet against Florida,” I mumbled in reply.

“Let me ask you somethin’ kid,”  Vinnie said in a way that let me know he wasn’t really “asking” me anything, ““When’s the last time the Florida Gators bought you a steak dinner?”

The Florida Gators still haven’t spung for the steak,  and the lesson has stuck with me.  And that, Flock, is what we call “the moral of the story.”

Today, I get my steak, Vandy covers, 42-13.

Oklahoma (-5) at Nebraska:  SNL had an epiphany of sorts last week while watching Nebraska squeak past Baylor:  Nebraska’s offense sucks.  An equal but opposite (at least for today) truth occurred some weeks ago when watching Oklahoma:  Oklahoma’s defense is gooood.  That Flock, is what we call “science.”  and SNL is in love with this pick.  Lay the 5 with confidence and while you’re watching your investment mature, think about how horrible that Big 12 Championship Game is going to be. 

Northwestern (+15.5) at Iowa:  Ahhhh, the chic conundrum that is Iowa.  What do we do with them?  Where do they rank?  How good are they?  These enigmatic Hawkeyes have vexed the hard-of-thinking national heads, like Mandel, and Feinbaum, but not us.  Quick digression, SNL once met a whole busload of Iowa sorority girls at St. Augustine beach, and nary a one was hot.  Saddest day of my then eighteen year existence. 

Here’s your answer Flock.  Iowa is ok, but SNL believes we should ride the doggies until Iowa gets some hot chicks or shows some signs of consistent quarterback play, we’ll keep taking the points.

Houston (-1) at Tulsa:  Like Terrelle Owens and Lindsey Lohan, Tulsa is living on reputation of years past.  Houston, conversely, hasn’t been seen much since Phi Slamma Jamma and cell phones the size of shoe boxes were sweeping the nation.  Keenum for Heisman!!  Kidding aside, this is another pick we feel pretty strongly about.

As always, these picks are for entertainment purposes only and comments are welcome.  We’ll check back later to see how the Flock is making out. 

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: ATS, BCS, Degenerate Gambler, Ealey, Florida, Hawkeyes, Heisman, Keenum, Meyer, SEC, Spikes, Urban Meyer, Vandy, Vincenzo

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