The Rocket going away...
The Rocket going away…

I know, Flock, we promised no more Spikes.  But the Rocket a/k/a Gameday’s least qualified commentator (which is impressive in a sad sort of way), just unleashed a morality rant that can essentially be distilled into the following statement:  Spikes should be banned from CFB and Meyer should be excoriated publicly for all eternity.   Forget for a minute that all E-SPIN employees should have been advised by corporate memo from taking a moral stand of any kind-you know, because roughly 40% of the E-SPIN “talent” is doinking an intern or 2.  In fact, rumor has it that Letterman is looking to moonlight in Bristol.

But the fact is that the UF-UGA game was a fight from the time toe met leather.  UGA had 4 personal fouls in the first half, and photos of the alleged “victim,” Ealey, have since revealed that he punched Florida’s Haden in the face.  Does that absolve Spikes?  Not in the least.  But Spikes is known to be a good guy and he screwed up.  So let it go.  And, for those who have accused SNL of homerism, we noted that a whole game suspension was deserved well before Urban made an about face. 

Irrespective, E-SPIN’s  incessant need to pile on, from the corpulent doofis that is Golic (see previous post) to the silk-kerchiefed “Rocket,” is over the top.   The World Wide Leader in supplying young, starry-eyed interns to be conquested sexually by its well-paid cadre of modestly talented mouthpieces should let this one go.

Moving on…

Wake at GTU (-14):  See our previous post if you want some wit, this pick is nothin’ but business.  Shoddy run D for the Deacs and poor road team versus the best running team in the ACC.  This one should get ugly. 

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: ACC, ATS, E-SPIN, Gameday, Interns

Housekeeping…before we get to the picks, let’s clear the air on a few things that have upset members of the Flock.  Enough about Spikes!  It was a chippy game, he’s a good guy, and really, the only reason to be upset is because Pope Urban caved to pressure from national toolbags like Lupica, and Mike Golic and suspended him. 

Golic, bye the bye, has confessed that in the days of yore’ he tried to choke a man in the pile a la John Wesley Harden of “Time Life Book Fame” (that’s right, the look and feel of hand-tooled leather!). If that’s not enough, Golic is corpulent and decidedly unfunny, and as clever as it may have been at the time for E-SPIN to pair the hefty, quasi-burly Golic with his effeminate, eunuch of a counterpart, the cache has long since passed and these two should fade quietly into the night only to be seen on reality TV. 

Steve Czaban has also been openly critical Meyer, but he’s so damn funny, we here at SNL have turned the other cheek.  Seriously folks, make the switch from “Tubby Mike and Skinny Mike,” and hit up the Czabe, it’s like going from box wine to Dom. 

Finally…..remember and weep ye’ of the soft-heart…

Moving on….

Vanderbilt (+35) at Florida: Pops won’t like this pick, so it calls for an explanation.  Some years ago, when Spurrier’s Gators were kicking the bejeezus out of everyone, Florida opened with a directional school and the spread was Florida -56!!!  At the time, SNL had a policy of not picking for or against the Gators, even against the spread.

The following Tuesday, SNL presented at the rear of Sal’s “Fine Italian Eatery” to fork over some hard earned dough to Vinnie “Hands” Moresci, who sat smugly at his table as he always did (and does)-as he should because he’s always flanked by at least two Italians who are north of 250 lbs. and look they would poke your eyes out with an icepick if Vincenzo gave them the nod. 

I counted out my losses (SNL wasn’t as sharp back then) and Vincenzo said, “Why’nt take Northern Illinois (or whoerver it was) kid?”

“I don’t bet against Florida,” I mumbled in reply.

“Let me ask you somethin’ kid,”  Vinnie said in a way that let me know he wasn’t really “asking” me anything, ““When’s the last time the Florida Gators bought you a steak dinner?”

The Florida Gators still haven’t spung for the steak,  and the lesson has stuck with me.  And that, Flock, is what we call “the moral of the story.”

Today, I get my steak, Vandy covers, 42-13.

Oklahoma (-5) at Nebraska:  SNL had an epiphany of sorts last week while watching Nebraska squeak past Baylor:  Nebraska’s offense sucks.  An equal but opposite (at least for today) truth occurred some weeks ago when watching Oklahoma:  Oklahoma’s defense is gooood.  That Flock, is what we call “science.”  and SNL is in love with this pick.  Lay the 5 with confidence and while you’re watching your investment mature, think about how horrible that Big 12 Championship Game is going to be. 

Northwestern (+15.5) at Iowa:  Ahhhh, the chic conundrum that is Iowa.  What do we do with them?  Where do they rank?  How good are they?  These enigmatic Hawkeyes have vexed the hard-of-thinking national heads, like Mandel, and Feinbaum, but not us.  Quick digression, SNL once met a whole busload of Iowa sorority girls at St. Augustine beach, and nary a one was hot.  Saddest day of my then eighteen year existence. 

Here’s your answer Flock.  Iowa is ok, but SNL believes we should ride the doggies until Iowa gets some hot chicks or shows some signs of consistent quarterback play, we’ll keep taking the points.

Houston (-1) at Tulsa:  Like Terrelle Owens and Lindsey Lohan, Tulsa is living on reputation of years past.  Houston, conversely, hasn’t been seen much since Phi Slamma Jamma and cell phones the size of shoe boxes were sweeping the nation.  Keenum for Heisman!!  Kidding aside, this is another pick we feel pretty strongly about.

As always, these picks are for entertainment purposes only and comments are welcome.  We’ll check back later to see how the Flock is making out. 

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: ATS, BCS, Degenerate Gambler, Ealey, Florida, Hawkeyes, Heisman, Keenum, Meyer, SEC, Spikes, Urban Meyer, Vandy, Vincenzo

EaleySpikes Sure, two wrongs don’t make a right and yada, yada, yada.  But it seems to use here at SNL that the foregoing is pictorial evidence that suggests the Ealey may have been giving a few Florida players, including Spikes’ bestest bud, Haden, the business on Saturday.  True, we’ve got no temporal sense of when this fracas occurred, but it seems reasonable to assume it occurred before Brandon “The Velociraptor” Spikes went Mike Tyson on Ealey’s orbs. 

This will please Pops, who as noted, doesn’t typically accept with aplomb foul play on the part of his beloved Gators (and quite often closes his eyes and ears and yells la, la, la, la at the top of his lungs when bad behavior on the part of the Orange and Blue is afoot).  As an added benefit, this fine photograph seems to mitigate if not exonerate poor Mr. Spikes, who has been beset by naysayers of the E-SPIN variety since this issue blew up last weekend.  We just knew that no man worthy of the Orange and Blue would stoop to such levels unprovoked.  Right?

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: Ealey, Gators, Spikes, UGA

The good Doctor reports that Richt is under siege from UGA supporters hell bent on replacing Cox, whose 3 int’s arguably turned the UF-UGA tilt from the “respectable loss” realm into the “damn-UGA-got-their-***-kicked-by-UF-again” variety.  True to form, Richt will not be airing his team’s laundry to the press, which is laudable by most standards, but it does seem that explanations for UGA’s struggles will be owed as long as Richt is drawing a few million a year for his troubles. 

Speaking of which, Dawgsports‘ post-defeat write-up on the game is well articulated, so well in fact it takes those of us now living in the heightof Florida’s Renaissance back to the days of yore, when Florida’s head coach looked like a well-muscled oompa loompa and would occasionally involve himself in physical altercations with fraternity brothers.  True, Zook never even approached the success that Rich has had, but the pain of losing is universal, especially in the South where our respective football allegiance is the engine that drives our towns, economies, and often, live-which is, as my yankee brethren often point out with much sarcasm, kind of pathetic.  (No, not you Vandy, you’re not like the other boys).  Seriously, give the post a read, it’s great. 

Glass half-full or half empty?  Those Gators fans not busy defending Spikes’ eye-gouge, which is apparently going to warrant a suspension by the Commish, are lauding the UGA game as Florida’s return to form as the dominant power in CFB.  “Florida’s offense is back,” they say, “See you in Pasadena!” 

SNL has made a living mocking the ups and downs of the Gator faithful, many of whom were questioning the viability of Meyer’s offensive scheme at the mid-point of last season, so this week’s euphoria comes as no surprise.  But it’s way too soon to declare Saturday’s win over a very pedestrian UGA outfit as some sort of Waterloo.  The truth is, UGA moved the ball efficiently enough to call into doubt the conventional notion that UF’s defense is the equal of its SEC West reciprocal, Alabama.  And, the offense was spotty at times, though better, and benefitted greatly from some short field scoring opportunities which inflated the score.  True, UGA was coming off a bye and had so much at stake, which was evidenced by the jaw-boning going on on that field.  Still, is was a workmanlike win at best which, when considering the cardiac moments of the past couple of games, will do thank you very much.  Florida is still struggling to get consistent pressure from its down four and the DTs in particular aren’t getting much push.  A better effort will be called upon by the time Saban’s crew arrives in the ATL and that’s a fact.  Put another way, make sure you know well your Cancellation Policy when you book your rooms in Pasadena. 

Quickly…a thanks to the Ducks for emphatically ensuring that we won’t have to suffer from the frosted-tipped heads at E-SPIN heads telling us in unison that “USC is better than anyone in the country right now,”  throughout the month of November.    Sorry Poodle, this year’s Men of Troy are non-good and non-factors in the PAC 1 + 9 (with the “1′ being Oregon.  The inevitable downside is that Boise has another bullet, of an admittedly small caliber, to throw at the pollsters by virtue of its opening day win over Oregon.  Still a trade up.  FSU and Da’ U squeaked out winsthis weekend.  Say waht you will, Ponder continues to prove that his is good, very good, and will be playing on Sundays.  The OBC was depantsed by Laya Kiffin’s Husband, which is sad but has some upside in that UT is quickly becoming the object of Florida’s hate, and will remain so until UGA rights the ship and wins a few games in Jax. 

Finally….‘Bama has opened as a 9-point favorite over LSU, a line that seems not be reflective of LSU’s recent thumping of Auburn (who just thumped Ole Miss), and ‘Bama’s struggle v. UT.  On the other hand, ‘Bama shows up in big games under Saban, so maybe the line is about right.  We don’t have to decide until later this week. 

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: Bama, Gators, Meyer, Saban, Spikes, The Poodle, USC

 

Uhhh….no one’s perfect?  For some, like SNL’s dear old dad, this will be hard to stomach.  This is because it is axiomatic in the world of the old guard that Florida’s football team  is Luke Skywalker to Georgia’s Darth Vader.  But the fact of the matter is you don’t get to be the top Dawg without a 6′5 guy who looks like The Predator and isn’t afraid to gouge an opposing running back in the eyeball (it’s a scientific term, I know) now and again.  Put another way, you don’t get to the ATL by fielding a bunch of Nancy-boys. 

Good news for Spikes, he can confess to St. Tebow and hopefully, sin again when he meets Ingram in Atlanta.

Dad’s crushed psyche aside, it’s still great to be a Gator. 

Coming soon…another ode to Tebow, and a look ahead at next week’s slate.

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