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The Rest of Saturday’s Card,a word on the Gators, and an ode to Jimmy the Greek…

November 14, 2009 in ACC, ATS, BCS, E-SPIN, Gameday, Gators, Main Content, PAC 1 + 9, PAC 10, SEC | 2 comments

Phew…we at SNL have been running amok about the state of Florida this week.  Why you ask?  To bring you the very best in breaking CFB news and information?  Which you, loyal members of the flock can then parlay into a nifty nest egg to be frivolously spent on booze, rims, and Affliction gear  that matches your barbwire tattoo?  Not even close.

Still, we’ve managed to find a little time to put together a palatable slate of plays for those of you interested in this sort of thing…you know who you are, you’re called “degenerates” by people of good repute.

Florida at USC (+17.5):  We posted earlier this week on what a strange year this has been for the Gator allegiant.  Like Dickinson said many years ago…It was the best of times, it was the worst of times… 

What we expect is more of the same from our beloved Gators…good defense and so many field goals you’ll feel like your watching Australian Rules…Throw in the slugger’s chance you always have when The Visor is pacing the sidelines with his diabolical playbook and the fact the ‘Cocks are pretty stiff at home (who can resist?), and we’ll take the generous 17 plus the hook. 

Afterwards, we’ll join the rest of the Gators in listening stone-faced to Urban’s typical, taciturn post-game press conference which will include some variation of the following statement “that was Florida football out there, field position, protect the ball, and good defense,” and if we’re lucky to catch our stoic leader on a peppy day, something like “any win in the SEC is a good win.”  He’ll be right of course, but we’ll still feel like we just took a smokin’ hot girl to a $200.00 dinner at Ruth’s Chris and didn’t even get a kiss at the door. 

Florida 23-13, and don’t bother DVR’ing the game, you won’t want to watch it twice.

Utah (+20.5) at TCU:  We here at SNL love us some Utes.  No, not because they were kind of enough to give us Urban Meyer in exchange for a truckload of money.  Rather, our love is founded on irony:  As in, “it’s ironic that the Utes do not aspire to the ethnic and religious homogeneity of their sister university, BYU.”  Because of this willingness to embrace athletes who are more err….athletic- yea! That’s it…athleitc!!-than those of the Provo variety, the Utes can hang around with TCU.   Here’s to you Jimmy the Greek!

TCU 28-13…buy the hook an make sure you get the three touchdonwns, you’ll be white-knuckling until the end of this one.

The Best of the Rest:

Miss St. (+12.5) over ‘Bama

Da’U v. UNC o44

Stanford (+10.5) over the Boy-Troys

Notre Dame (+7) over Pitt…

-So sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: ACC, ATS, Bama, BCS, Degenerate Gamblers, Gators, Horned Frogs, Meyer, Spurrier, USC, Utes

Monday Morning Quarterbacking: Flori-Bama, Spikes, UGA and other thoughts…

November 2, 2009 in ATS, BCS, E-SPIN, Layla Kiffin, Main Content | No comments

The good Doctor reports that Richt is under siege from UGA supporters hell bent on replacing Cox, whose 3 int’s arguably turned the UF-UGA tilt from the “respectable loss” realm into the “damn-UGA-got-their-***-kicked-by-UF-again” variety.  True to form, Richt will not be airing his team’s laundry to the press, which is laudable by most standards, but it does seem that explanations for UGA’s struggles will be owed as long as Richt is drawing a few million a year for his troubles. 

Speaking of which, Dawgsports‘ post-defeat write-up on the game is well articulated, so well in fact it takes those of us now living in the heightof Florida’s Renaissance back to the days of yore, when Florida’s head coach looked like a well-muscled oompa loompa and would occasionally involve himself in physical altercations with fraternity brothers.  True, Zook never even approached the success that Rich has had, but the pain of losing is universal, especially in the South where our respective football allegiance is the engine that drives our towns, economies, and often, live-which is, as my yankee brethren often point out with much sarcasm, kind of pathetic.  (No, not you Vandy, you’re not like the other boys).  Seriously, give the post a read, it’s great. 

Glass half-full or half empty?  Those Gators fans not busy defending Spikes’ eye-gouge, which is apparently going to warrant a suspension by the Commish, are lauding the UGA game as Florida’s return to form as the dominant power in CFB.  “Florida’s offense is back,” they say, “See you in Pasadena!” 

SNL has made a living mocking the ups and downs of the Gator faithful, many of whom were questioning the viability of Meyer’s offensive scheme at the mid-point of last season, so this week’s euphoria comes as no surprise.  But it’s way too soon to declare Saturday’s win over a very pedestrian UGA outfit as some sort of Waterloo.  The truth is, UGA moved the ball efficiently enough to call into doubt the conventional notion that UF’s defense is the equal of its SEC West reciprocal, Alabama.  And, the offense was spotty at times, though better, and benefitted greatly from some short field scoring opportunities which inflated the score.  True, UGA was coming off a bye and had so much at stake, which was evidenced by the jaw-boning going on on that field.  Still, is was a workmanlike win at best which, when considering the cardiac moments of the past couple of games, will do thank you very much.  Florida is still struggling to get consistent pressure from its down four and the DTs in particular aren’t getting much push.  A better effort will be called upon by the time Saban’s crew arrives in the ATL and that’s a fact.  Put another way, make sure you know well your Cancellation Policy when you book your rooms in Pasadena. 

Quickly…a thanks to the Ducks for emphatically ensuring that we won’t have to suffer from the frosted-tipped heads at E-SPIN heads telling us in unison that “USC is better than anyone in the country right now,”  throughout the month of November.    Sorry Poodle, this year’s Men of Troy are non-good and non-factors in the PAC 1 + 9 (with the “1′ being Oregon.  The inevitable downside is that Boise has another bullet, of an admittedly small caliber, to throw at the pollsters by virtue of its opening day win over Oregon.  Still a trade up.  FSU and Da’ U squeaked out winsthis weekend.  Say waht you will, Ponder continues to prove that his is good, very good, and will be playing on Sundays.  The OBC was depantsed by Laya Kiffin’s Husband, which is sad but has some upside in that UT is quickly becoming the object of Florida’s hate, and will remain so until UGA rights the ship and wins a few games in Jax. 

Finally….‘Bama has opened as a 9-point favorite over LSU, a line that seems not be reflective of LSU’s recent thumping of Auburn (who just thumped Ole Miss), and ‘Bama’s struggle v. UT.  On the other hand, ‘Bama shows up in big games under Saban, so maybe the line is about right.  We don’t have to decide until later this week. 

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: Bama, Gators, Meyer, Saban, Spikes, The Poodle, USC

Trickin’ & Treatin’: Saturday’s Picks (We’re Hot)…

October 31, 2009 in ATS, BCS, Cocks, Degenerate Gamblers, E-SPIN, Main Content, Rebels, SEC, Saban | No comments

halloween-football.jpg Halloween football image by jazyjc We’ll get to Forida-UGA, but mindful of the need to get our investments called in to the local vig before noon EST, we’re all business this a.m. 

Housekeeping…like so many tattooed girls we’ve met in pool halls over the years, WVU excited us under cover of darkness only to disappoint when the lights came on.  In a related story, we’ve noted that this year more than last, even the most marginally compelling of matchups has seemed to find its way to primetime television this year, which makes for a horrible noon slate for watching and more importantly, gambling.  This is no doubt due in part to E-SPIN’s unholy matrimony with the SEC, and in part because the Big 11 is horrible TV rife with slow players, corpulent chicks, and teams exchanging buckets of spit and the like after every game.  So….only 2 nooners today…

Ole Miss (-5) v. Auburn:  The frosty-tipped heads at E-SPIN , when not busy sexing starry-eyed interns in Bristol to “learn” the ropes, have been lamenting the demise of Ole Miss since the Rebels went down to (that’s “to” not “on” degenerates) the OBC early this year.  Since then, Saban’s rowdy horde has plundered The Grove, which has further eroded any widespread support for Nutt and his cronies. 

Erstwhile, on the plains, Auburn’s gimmicky offense has fallen so far its advertising on Craig’s List for world series tix.  Today, Auburn can try to get their life back against the best defense in the SEC outside of Birmingham and Gainesville.  We smell R-E-L-A-P-S-E.  Ole Miss wins easy, Ole Miss -5.

Wisconsin (-7) v. Purdue:  Only 7?  Oh yeah, Purdue got lucky and beat OSU last week.  Won’t happen again.  Wizzy in a laugher.  Wisconsin -7.

GTU (-11.5) at Vandy:  Vandy, laughing stock of the SEC football fan and pride of the league’s scholastic sorts, did there best to ruin our ‘Tussin theory last week, when they covered against the OBC’s poor performing ‘Cocks.  While erratic performance is common in South Carolina, it isn’t in the ATL where GT’s flex-bone damn near always finds the right spot.  The ‘Tussin theory will be back after the Jackets hammer the ‘Dores tonight.  Back the truck up on this one.

We’ve got two more we’re eyeballing, but these should keep you busy while we talk to our sources on the ground. 

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: ACC, ATS, Bama, Degenerate Gambler, Degenerate Gamblers, SEC

Thoughts on Florida v. Our-Kansas, other notable winners and losers and “we need more Cow-Bell!”

October 21, 2009 in ATS, BCS, Degenerate Gamblers, E-SPIN, Main Content | No comments

cowbellBefore getting into an overly in-depth diatribe about why Gator fans should relax and stop worrying about Alabama (who is not on Florida’s schedule when last SNL checked), we at SNL would like to remind you that we were 4-0 last week ATS.  Naturally, we hid our boyish glee when visiting Vinnie and the boys in the back of Sal’s yesterday to collect our dough, but that’s because we’re scared of him, and not you (except for the ‘Bama fan who has been threatening to kill SNL and his family for the last couple of weeks). 

Moving on…the spin-doctors have been overtime since Florida’s narrow win as if the Arkansas game existed in a vacuum and is therefore the sole piece of relevant evidence available to predict how Florida’s season will end.  For most of the national heads (and some local), Florida’s bloody demise will occur at the hands of the Birmingham shock troops led by Nick Saban, which seems reasonable based on the available resume of both teams to date.  The more pedestrian analysts have trumpeted this mundane argument with little more than a ”scoreboard” thesis, noting that ‘Bama drummed Arkansas by 28 whereas Florida escaped with a 3-point win.  We here at SNL find this juvenile attempt to employ the transitive properties of victories and losses to be entertaining in the way that circus monkeys are entertaining, funny for a minute or two, but lacking the depth needed to keep asses in the seats. 

The smaller-and arguably less well-reasoned-camp maintains that Florida’s come from behind victory over the is signature win that St. Tim of Tebow needed to re-focus this team, the one shining moment we will all look back on when Florida hoists the BCS trophy for the second time in a row and third time in four years this January.   The logic of this argument too lacks any real presumptive force, and not just because it is largely espoused by ex-Gator players on local airwaves-most of whom peaked vocationally when they were gifted….errr…..”earned” their physical education degree from UF, but because the “miracle” win can more easily be construed as an indictment of Florida’s offense and defense.  The offensive woes are tolerable and all, SNL included, unapologetically believed before last Saturday that as long as St. Tebow and Pope Urban remained breathing, the offense would round into form at some point.  The defense was another story, it was our heart, where we Gators pointed when opposing fan bases derided this year’s team.  This is a little harder to do after the hyped Gator D gave up 188 yards in 3 possessions after taking a 13-10 lead last Saturday.  As above, Florida was missing some bodies on the line, but this year’s D continues tro be a very-good-but-far-from-dominant unit.  This is primarily due to the difficulty Florida has had with power runners fielded by Arkansas and Tennessee, which makes Ingram seem more frightening than Vinnie, but only slightly. 

The truth, as SNL told you on Saturday, was that Arkansas is much improved since their beatdown at ‘Bama, and Florida was lacking bodies on the D-Line and largely unfocused after winning a nationally telecasted game in Baton Rouge against a top-10 opponent.  It is therefore ridiculous to suggest that this year’s version of the Gators cannot, under any circumstances, beat ‘Bama.  Should Florida be favored over ‘Bama if the game was played this week?  Probably not.  Thankfully, we don’t have to worry about that yet. 

Dis and Dat…The Noles take their low-flying circus on the road to visit former Warden of Da’ U,  Butch Davis.  We haven’t capped this game yet, but we plant to.  Layla Kiffin’s effeminate hubby is still taking shots at Meyer, though their getting slightly more veiled.  This time, Layla’s boy-toy has gone out of his way to tell all within earshot that ‘Bama is clearly better than Florida.  Presumably, this assertion comes from Kiffin’s review of film?  Irrespective, Kiffin is still the crown-prince of a losing program and better still, Florida fans can openly root for ‘Bama to crush Kiffin’s Vols this week, since the Gators will get their shot at the Tide later.  And, Colin Cowherd, one of E-SPIN’s better radio personalities, just opined that the refs gave Florida the win last week.   Based on time remaining, down and distance, and other objective factors-like Tebow on the field-this opsition seems a little off-base, but keep winning and no one will remember either way.  Terrelle Pryor is taking heat from the Buckeye fan bas and quite frankly, looking more and more like an NFL receiver…

Next…Thursday’s pick and Layla Kiffin’s Husband’s dream come true, a scathing rebuke of his continued “ass-ness” by a blooger-this blogger in fact.   

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: ATS, Bama, BCS, Darth Saban, Degenerate Gambler, DEGENERATES, Layla Kiffin, SEC, Urban Meyer, Vols

News and Notes: ACC Roulette, UT still after Meyer, and Da’U returns (again)…

October 5, 2009 in ATS, BCS, Dr. Saturday, Main Content | No comments

SNL watched a ton of football yesterday, going 2-1 on posted picks and 4-0 on night games (sorry, Flock, wasn’t near the computer).  The season record is running in the red again at 10-9 officially and 16-10 unofficially (for the record, “unofficial” games are games played but not posted before kickoff).

Moving on….after teasing its dwindling fan base with a bludgeoning of the morally sound but physically inept Latter Day Saints in Provo, FSU has returned to form, losing to 2 underdogs in a row.  For those who enjoy reveling in FSUs malaise, revel in this:  FSU is now 0-2 in the ACC and 12-14 in league play since 2006.  And, were it not for a last second comeback against I-AA Jacksonville St., the Noles would be 1-4 at the mid-point of the season.

For Gator fans, like SNL, FSU’s impotence is disappointing on two fronts:  First, Florida’s SOS is taking a severe beating as a result of FSU’s fee-fall.  Gone are the days when Florida could point out that it’s non-conference slate, however pathetic (and it often is), included a year-end date with an in-state rival and powerhouse FSU. 

Second, and much more upsetting to the Gator-alleginat, hating the ‘Noles is essentially a politically incorrect position about now, like hating Nemo because of his “special fin” or Charlie Sheen because he’s rich for sucking at acting  Hell, SNL may spear-head a canned good drive for the ‘Noles if they get any worse, which they apparently have in the last 24 hours due to a prominent booster’s public call for an end of the Bowden era.  The student-body has also chimed in with this fine piece of work:

Always the optimist, a seemingly giddy Bowden was overheard telling a local reporter that “[t]his was the third best game I’ve ever been a part of this year,” and “Lord loves a workin’ man.”   Seriously?  Coach, with all due respect, you’re becoming the ex that won’t accept the break-up and keeps showing up at the front door unannounced with a cheesy gift.  If you love something, set it free…

Shifting back into cerebral mode, does FSU even keep Fisher at this point?  This is a fine mess. 

Erstwhile…Coach Kiffin and his Jolly Vols dropped another home game, this one to conference rival Auburn.  Coach Kiffin now boasts-literally, he “boasts”-a 7-19 record as a head coach, and the Vols remain winlesst in the conference.  “Still, we coulda’ lost that sucker by 20 or 30 points,” said a jubilant Coach Kiffin after the loss, “so I consider this a moral victory for this program.”  You heard it here folks, UT is now 4-1 when factoring in its “moral” victories.    Not to worry, the gushing UT contingent was hosting a bevy of high-caliber recruits and, after showing a promotional video on the stadium big screen, faded with the image of Pope Urb to the delight of the frenzied crowd, proving once again that hurling empty taunts at America’s best CFB program is way more entertaining that watching UT football.  SNL, too, pokes fun at those who are better looking, have more money, success, fame, and prospects, so there’s some empathy here.  That said the Vols must realize that their unbridled hatred for Pope Meyer is a tacit admission of what they know to be true deep in side their tattered souls:  UT is horrible-still.

Seriously, the Vols host UGA this week (a pick’em according to Vegas Hilton), and SNL expect the Kiffinwill be 0-3 in the conference in short order.  Perhaps this is the week that Kiffin will make good on his promise to use the flu as an excuse when his team performs poorly.  The obvious juxtaposition of this folly is that his team ALWAYS performs poorly.  Perhaps the flu excuse should be saved for that game when UT performs well-Vandy is still on the schedule, after all. 

In Gotham City…hordes of felons with no legitimate affiliation to Da’U committed various assaults, larcenies, and robberies to show their exuberance following Da’U’s come from behind victory over OU.  Big Game Bob was admittedly short-handed, but Miami appears to be a viable contender for  the ACC crown this year.  A fact which sends shivers down the spine of all legitimate BCS executives who stand to lose a ton of money if they get sandbagged with the Raiders…errr…..Hurricanes in a bowl game as the bulk of Da’U’s fan base can’t leave the county withuot permission from their probation officer.  In a related story, the ACC is investigating allegations that several students (that’s Dade County Community College Students-fyi) colluded with stadium officials to sit in designated seats where the stadium lights would refract off of their mouth jewelry and thereby blind Oklahoma’s quarterback.  No word on this yet. 

Quickly….Tebow?  We don’t need no Tebow, or so says Vegas, Florida opens as a 9-point fav over the Tigers of the Bayou…UNC is starting to turn on Coach Davis who has failed to deliver on his promise to make the Heel the “Powder Blue U”….Houston, we hardly knew ye’, and don’t want to after the a**-kicking handed to you this week…speaking of which, anyone want to pick up the mantle of the Big 12 about now? …South Floridais moving along with a showdown coming up with Cincinnati….LSU hasn’t lost a night game at Tiger Stadium since 2002 and Pope Urban is 28-3 with a bye-week…Stewart Mandel, possessor of marginal talent, has decreed Alabama as the best team in the Country, and SNL isn’t so sure he’s wrong (this time)…

 

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: ATS, Bama, BCS, Degenerate Gamblers, LSU, Meyer, SEC, Tebow, UGA, Urban Meyer

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