BCS

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  The embedded video is the only solace we can find in this week’s card, which is dreadful by any objective measure, at least from a purely aesthetic point of view.  Sure, there are a few jewels for those who, like SNL, are investment minded.  But all in all, most are free to make it a “Blockbuster Night.”  Not casting stones, but a heartfelt thanks to the SEC for trotting out another round of exhibition games, that goes for you too beloved Gators.   

Another round of applause for the Michigan and OSU programs for making this rivalry the Big 10 equivalent of UT v. Vandy, a more or less regional rivalry of no interest to anyone outside of Michigan and Ohio. Seems like only yesterday that the nation was hand-wringing in anticipation of this game, with E-SPIN prodding us along with a 48 hour “Countdown” clock.  Ahh….to be young again. 

Well, flock, we can all sit here and lament this lost weekend of football or we can seek to replenish our depleted emotional reserves in the manner that all Americans aspire to:  Helping others?  Fighting on?  Leading by example?  Don’t make me laugh.   By gambling on football on using the winnings to purchase ridiculous brand name crap we don’t need.  Let’s go…

Texas A & M (-6) v. Baylor: This is the official “My other car is…” game.  The implication, naturally, is that those who place one of these bumper stickers on  their cars don’t have an “other car,” and if they do, it’s a piece of crap.  Here, Baylor is the other car.  So, let’s complete the puzzle for the hard-of-thinking… Baylor’s other car is a myth or a piece of crap.  Aggies and the 12th man roll.

Vandy at UT (-17):  Another rivalry that isn’t.  This game is, however, a testament to SNL’s depravity, which is boundless.  Seriously, SNL hates Layla Kiffin’s Husband and his putrid program, but love UT against the spread.  The lesson?  Glad you asked:  Money trumps hatred.  UT wins big and all the convenience stores in Knoxville close the minute the game is over. 

LSU at Ole Miss (o42):  Ole Miss remains enigmatic and, like a heavily marketed Nick Cage flick, always seems to disappoint.  Still, McCluster is on a tear and LSU’s wideouts should have some success against the Rebs (assuming Jefferson plays).  And, the number seems relatively low.  In other words, there’s alot of ways to get to 42 points, especially with Dex on the field. 

Final thoughts…a moment of silence for the PAC 1+9, which is dead from a national perspective.  Doubters of the veracity of this statement are encouraged to check tomorrow’s ratings for the ‘Zona v. Oregon matchup, will whill be lower than the Fox rerun of Cops.  Love ‘em or hate ‘em, USC’s national cache’ was the only thing that kept the PAC-10 in the national consciousness. 

As for the Boise, TCU, Cincinatti debacle…does anyone really care?  TCU certainly passes the eyeball test and could probably play with any on the top-3, but Cinci and Boise seem woefully inept on the defensive side of the ball and to make matter worse for the smurf-turf bunch, the schedule is laughable, not matter how big the MOV.  Naturally, Boise will play some BCS school that is under-motivated and disinterested, and might even win.  Following which the Boise allegiant will trumpet their program as the equal of any while the more rational towns folk scoff. 

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: ATS, BCS, BIG 10, Boise, Degenerate Gamblers, Layla Kiffin, SEC, TCU, Urban Meyer

Phew…we at SNL have been running amok about the state of Florida this week.  Why you ask?  To bring you the very best in breaking CFB news and information?  Which you, loyal members of the flock can then parlay into a nifty nest egg to be frivolously spent on booze, rims, and Affliction gear  that matches your barbwire tattoo?  Not even close.

Still, we’ve managed to find a little time to put together a palatable slate of plays for those of you interested in this sort of thing…you know who you are, you’re called “degenerates” by people of good repute.

Florida at USC (+17.5):  We posted earlier this week on what a strange year this has been for the Gator allegiant.  Like Dickinson said many years ago…It was the best of times, it was the worst of times… 

What we expect is more of the same from our beloved Gators…good defense and so many field goals you’ll feel like your watching Australian Rules…Throw in the slugger’s chance you always have when The Visor is pacing the sidelines with his diabolical playbook and the fact the ‘Cocks are pretty stiff at home (who can resist?), and we’ll take the generous 17 plus the hook. 

Afterwards, we’ll join the rest of the Gators in listening stone-faced to Urban’s typical, taciturn post-game press conference which will include some variation of the following statement “that was Florida football out there, field position, protect the ball, and good defense,” and if we’re lucky to catch our stoic leader on a peppy day, something like “any win in the SEC is a good win.”  He’ll be right of course, but we’ll still feel like we just took a smokin’ hot girl to a $200.00 dinner at Ruth’s Chris and didn’t even get a kiss at the door. 

Florida 23-13, and don’t bother DVR’ing the game, you won’t want to watch it twice.

Utah (+20.5) at TCU:  We here at SNL love us some Utes.  No, not because they were kind of enough to give us Urban Meyer in exchange for a truckload of money.  Rather, our love is founded on irony:  As in, “it’s ironic that the Utes do not aspire to the ethnic and religious homogeneity of their sister university, BYU.”  Because of this willingness to embrace athletes who are more err….athletic- yea! That’s it…athleitc!!-than those of the Provo variety, the Utes can hang around with TCU.   Here’s to you Jimmy the Greek!

TCU 28-13…buy the hook an make sure you get the three touchdonwns, you’ll be white-knuckling until the end of this one.

The Best of the Rest:

Miss St. (+12.5) over ‘Bama

Da’U v. UNC o44

Stanford (+10.5) over the Boy-Troys

Notre Dame (+7) over Pitt…

-So sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: ACC, ATS, Bama, BCS, Degenerate Gamblers, Gators, Horned Frogs, Meyer, Spurrier, USC, Utes

Housekeeping…before we get to the picks, let’s clear the air on a few things that have upset members of the Flock.  Enough about Spikes!  It was a chippy game, he’s a good guy, and really, the only reason to be upset is because Pope Urban caved to pressure from national toolbags like Lupica, and Mike Golic and suspended him. 

Golic, bye the bye, has confessed that in the days of yore’ he tried to choke a man in the pile a la John Wesley Harden of “Time Life Book Fame” (that’s right, the look and feel of hand-tooled leather!). If that’s not enough, Golic is corpulent and decidedly unfunny, and as clever as it may have been at the time for E-SPIN to pair the hefty, quasi-burly Golic with his effeminate, eunuch of a counterpart, the cache has long since passed and these two should fade quietly into the night only to be seen on reality TV. 

Steve Czaban has also been openly critical Meyer, but he’s so damn funny, we here at SNL have turned the other cheek.  Seriously folks, make the switch from “Tubby Mike and Skinny Mike,” and hit up the Czabe, it’s like going from box wine to Dom. 

Finally…..remember and weep ye’ of the soft-heart…

Moving on….

Vanderbilt (+35) at Florida: Pops won’t like this pick, so it calls for an explanation.  Some years ago, when Spurrier’s Gators were kicking the bejeezus out of everyone, Florida opened with a directional school and the spread was Florida -56!!!  At the time, SNL had a policy of not picking for or against the Gators, even against the spread.

The following Tuesday, SNL presented at the rear of Sal’s “Fine Italian Eatery” to fork over some hard earned dough to Vinnie “Hands” Moresci, who sat smugly at his table as he always did (and does)-as he should because he’s always flanked by at least two Italians who are north of 250 lbs. and look they would poke your eyes out with an icepick if Vincenzo gave them the nod. 

I counted out my losses (SNL wasn’t as sharp back then) and Vincenzo said, “Why’nt take Northern Illinois (or whoerver it was) kid?”

“I don’t bet against Florida,” I mumbled in reply.

“Let me ask you somethin’ kid,”  Vinnie said in a way that let me know he wasn’t really “asking” me anything, ““When’s the last time the Florida Gators bought you a steak dinner?”

The Florida Gators still haven’t spung for the steak,  and the lesson has stuck with me.  And that, Flock, is what we call “the moral of the story.”

Today, I get my steak, Vandy covers, 42-13.

Oklahoma (-5) at Nebraska:  SNL had an epiphany of sorts last week while watching Nebraska squeak past Baylor:  Nebraska’s offense sucks.  An equal but opposite (at least for today) truth occurred some weeks ago when watching Oklahoma:  Oklahoma’s defense is gooood.  That Flock, is what we call “science.”  and SNL is in love with this pick.  Lay the 5 with confidence and while you’re watching your investment mature, think about how horrible that Big 12 Championship Game is going to be. 

Northwestern (+15.5) at Iowa:  Ahhhh, the chic conundrum that is Iowa.  What do we do with them?  Where do they rank?  How good are they?  These enigmatic Hawkeyes have vexed the hard-of-thinking national heads, like Mandel, and Feinbaum, but not us.  Quick digression, SNL once met a whole busload of Iowa sorority girls at St. Augustine beach, and nary a one was hot.  Saddest day of my then eighteen year existence. 

Here’s your answer Flock.  Iowa is ok, but SNL believes we should ride the doggies until Iowa gets some hot chicks or shows some signs of consistent quarterback play, we’ll keep taking the points.

Houston (-1) at Tulsa:  Like Terrelle Owens and Lindsey Lohan, Tulsa is living on reputation of years past.  Houston, conversely, hasn’t been seen much since Phi Slamma Jamma and cell phones the size of shoe boxes were sweeping the nation.  Keenum for Heisman!!  Kidding aside, this is another pick we feel pretty strongly about.

As always, these picks are for entertainment purposes only and comments are welcome.  We’ll check back later to see how the Flock is making out. 

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: ATS, BCS, Degenerate Gambler, Ealey, Florida, Hawkeyes, Heisman, Keenum, Meyer, SEC, Spikes, Urban Meyer, Vandy, Vincenzo

Sorry for posting late, alzheimer’s walk (we miss you Dr. Robinson) and a trip to the “Super” Wal-Mart, which would be more “Super” if it weren’t frequented by (apparently) all of Gainesville’s indigent, smoking, tatt’d trailer park denizens, and their equal-but opposite in every way-counterparts (figure it out flock)-speaking of which, “Affliction Guy” is beginning to rival “Lift Kit” Guy for the biggest a**hole title.  Nothing says badass like an Affliction Hoodie and a menthol.

Moving on…12-4 ATS in last 16, and 24-14  (we think) YTD…we’re hot at SNL and we know it…

Utah St. (-1) v. La. Lafayetted:  Why?  This game isn’t on TV (at least not that we know of), and both teams more or less suck.  All the better my pretties, Utah St. can pass, and has covered for SNL twice already against good teams.  Ergo, we expect the…hell….not even sure what the mascot is…an injun’ of some sort?  In any event, its time for the Utah St. “whatchamafaces” to win one.  Utah St. -1.

Oklahoma (-7) at Kansas:  Big Game Bob and his beleaguered Sooners go to Kansas to play Todd “Reesing Peanut Butter Cup” and the rest of the Jayhawks, assuming of course that the Kansas Hoops team hasn’t kicked the crap out of the whole lot of ‘em.  SNL has watched Kansas several times this year and can’t get over how many white dudes are on this team.  SNL still isn’t convinced that the Jayhawks recruited most of their players at the Republican Convention.  Oklahoma is sooooooo pissed, and loaded with legitimate, D-1 talent…the Sooners may actually kill (yes, kill, as in dead) Reesing today.  Oklahoma -7.

Idaho (+16) at Nevada:  Another lo-fi affair between two teams taht nobody cares about.  So sue me already!   You can follow it on the Sportline ticker.  Idaho can score and for those feeble-minded sorts who employ transitive logic to make their picks:  Idaho beat Colorado St. by 2, and Nevada lost to Colorado St. by 15.  Idaho +16. 

Iowa (+1.5) at Sparty:  Wrong team favored.  This one’s easy.

South Caroloina (-13) v. Vandy:  We explained last week how Vandy was the miracle tonic for what ails (fill in your team) at this time.  “Put some Vandy on that there wound boy!  It’ll get better real quick!”  This week, Spurrier’s Cocks will heal their sores with the miracle that is Vandy football.  The good news for Vandy is that most alumni and students are so cerebral that they don’t recognize anything (football included) that doesn’t involve Equine, Bordeaux, or Cigars as a viable pastime.  Sucks for them.  Cocks -13.

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: ATS, BCS, Degenerate Gambler, Degenerate Gamblers, Ole Ball Coach, SEC, The Visor

cowbellBefore getting into an overly in-depth diatribe about why Gator fans should relax and stop worrying about Alabama (who is not on Florida’s schedule when last SNL checked), we at SNL would like to remind you that we were 4-0 last week ATS.  Naturally, we hid our boyish glee when visiting Vinnie and the boys in the back of Sal’s yesterday to collect our dough, but that’s because we’re scared of him, and not you (except for the ‘Bama fan who has been threatening to kill SNL and his family for the last couple of weeks). 

Moving on…the spin-doctors have been overtime since Florida’s narrow win as if the Arkansas game existed in a vacuum and is therefore the sole piece of relevant evidence available to predict how Florida’s season will end.  For most of the national heads (and some local), Florida’s bloody demise will occur at the hands of the Birmingham shock troops led by Nick Saban, which seems reasonable based on the available resume of both teams to date.  The more pedestrian analysts have trumpeted this mundane argument with little more than a ”scoreboard” thesis, noting that ‘Bama drummed Arkansas by 28 whereas Florida escaped with a 3-point win.  We here at SNL find this juvenile attempt to employ the transitive properties of victories and losses to be entertaining in the way that circus monkeys are entertaining, funny for a minute or two, but lacking the depth needed to keep asses in the seats. 

The smaller-and arguably less well-reasoned-camp maintains that Florida’s come from behind victory over the is signature win that St. Tim of Tebow needed to re-focus this team, the one shining moment we will all look back on when Florida hoists the BCS trophy for the second time in a row and third time in four years this January.   The logic of this argument too lacks any real presumptive force, and not just because it is largely espoused by ex-Gator players on local airwaves-most of whom peaked vocationally when they were gifted….errr…..”earned” their physical education degree from UF, but because the “miracle” win can more easily be construed as an indictment of Florida’s offense and defense.  The offensive woes are tolerable and all, SNL included, unapologetically believed before last Saturday that as long as St. Tebow and Pope Urban remained breathing, the offense would round into form at some point.  The defense was another story, it was our heart, where we Gators pointed when opposing fan bases derided this year’s team.  This is a little harder to do after the hyped Gator D gave up 188 yards in 3 possessions after taking a 13-10 lead last Saturday.  As above, Florida was missing some bodies on the line, but this year’s D continues tro be a very-good-but-far-from-dominant unit.  This is primarily due to the difficulty Florida has had with power runners fielded by Arkansas and Tennessee, which makes Ingram seem more frightening than Vinnie, but only slightly. 

The truth, as SNL told you on Saturday, was that Arkansas is much improved since their beatdown at ‘Bama, and Florida was lacking bodies on the D-Line and largely unfocused after winning a nationally telecasted game in Baton Rouge against a top-10 opponent.  It is therefore ridiculous to suggest that this year’s version of the Gators cannot, under any circumstances, beat ‘Bama.  Should Florida be favored over ‘Bama if the game was played this week?  Probably not.  Thankfully, we don’t have to worry about that yet. 

Dis and Dat…The Noles take their low-flying circus on the road to visit former Warden of Da’ U,  Butch Davis.  We haven’t capped this game yet, but we plant to.  Layla Kiffin’s effeminate hubby is still taking shots at Meyer, though their getting slightly more veiled.  This time, Layla’s boy-toy has gone out of his way to tell all within earshot that ‘Bama is clearly better than Florida.  Presumably, this assertion comes from Kiffin’s review of film?  Irrespective, Kiffin is still the crown-prince of a losing program and better still, Florida fans can openly root for ‘Bama to crush Kiffin’s Vols this week, since the Gators will get their shot at the Tide later.  And, Colin Cowherd, one of E-SPIN’s better radio personalities, just opined that the refs gave Florida the win last week.   Based on time remaining, down and distance, and other objective factors-like Tebow on the field-this opsition seems a little off-base, but keep winning and no one will remember either way.  Terrelle Pryor is taking heat from the Buckeye fan bas and quite frankly, looking more and more like an NFL receiver…

Next…Thursday’s pick and Layla Kiffin’s Husband’s dream come true, a scathing rebuke of his continued “ass-ness” by a blooger-this blogger in fact.   

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: ATS, Bama, BCS, Darth Saban, Degenerate Gambler, DEGENERATES, Layla Kiffin, SEC, Urban Meyer, Vols

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