Degenerate Gambler

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Saturday’s Picks ATS: Including the Red River Shootout and the cure for Georgia Ailments

October 17, 2009 in ACC, ATS, BCS, Cocks, Degenerate Gamblers, E-SPIN, Layla Kiffin, Main Content, UGA | No comments

Saturday’s Picks (7-4 last week ATS).  It’s a long year, but we fell we are hitting our stride, with two winning weeks in a row.  Too many games last week, so SNL has narrowed it down to a sexy quartet that’s sure to please.

Texas (-3.5/55) v. Okie:  As usual, there are some compelling story lines here, including but  not limited to the return of Bradford, Colt McCoy’s lost mustache, and Oklahoma’s chance to resuscitate its struggling brand.  However, for “investment” purposes, the only storyline that matters today is D-E-F-E-N-S-E, as in two of the top 16 units in the country on the field in a highly competitive, emotionally charged atmosphere. 

We root for Florida here, and couldn’t care less which outfit walks out of Dallas with a W, but we enjoy harnessing the hard work and dedication of young college football players into cold, hard cash.  No way these two teams hit this number.  Under 55 is the pick.

UGA (-7) at Vandy:  This game reminds us of Chris Rock’s “Tussin Skit,”  you know, the one where Rock recites how his father believed (Robi) “Tussin” could cure all ailments (it was Balmex and Alka Seltzer in our house), including crush fractures of the tibia and heart attacks. 

Well, Vandy is the “Tussin” of the CFB world, whatever aisl you, Vandy can fix it.  Sure, UGA is under assault from its own fan base and coming off a blowout to Layla Kiffin’s husband, but it’s nothing a little ‘Tussin…err……Vanderbilt can’t fix.  Vandy is horrible on offense, defense, and apparently, believes the forward pass is akin to sorcery.  UGA gets well today, bu a long shot.  This on e will be over by halftime.  Georgia -7.5 (buy the hook if you’re frought with trepidation, but no need, this is a double-digit win). 

Our-Kansas (+24) v. Florida:  Our beloved Gators, defenders of the Crown and home to CFB’s resident rock-star, Tebow take to the field today to play the pass happy Razorbacks.  The spread, presumably, is predicated on the “Flori-Bama” effect gripping the nation.  Ergo, ‘Bama beat Arkie by 28, so Florida should too.  Right?

Wrong.  Arkie is better now than t was then, and Florida is missing some bodies in the D-Line.  Florida is still the best red zone defense in the Country, and the Hawgs will struggle to find the end zone.  But they’ll get to the red zone plenty.  Florida wins 31-14, but doesn’t cover.  Arkansas +24.

USC (+18.5) v. ‘Bama:  ‘Bama and its diminutive-in-stature-but-ferocious-in-demeanor Coach, Saban, are CFB’s verion of the 2007 Giants.  In other words, the physicality of ‘Bama football is a force to behold, so much so that SNL winces on the couch every time the ball is snapped and ‘Bama’s defense is on the field.  That said the OBC has right fine defense too, and just enough offense to stay on the field with the Herculean Bama’ans.  USC +18-maybe a nail biter, but we’ll get it done.

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: ATS, Degenerate Gambler, Layla Kiffin, Meyer, Pope Meyer, Tebow

Welcome to the Flori-Bama: The Parallels Continue for the Tide and Gators

October 16, 2009 in ACC, Degenerate Gamblers, Dr. Saturday, E-SPIN, Gators, Main Content, Notre Dame, PAC 1 + 9, UGA | No comments

For those members of the flock that are hard-of-thinking, the foregoing picture is a metaphor for last Saturday’s “showdowns,” which turned out to be beatdowns, but provided the home teams fan base with a great chance to drink excessively. 

SNL recently posted on the “Flori-Bama”.  This quasi-clever moniker (which is also the name of a world famous bar on the state line) is SNL’s way of saying that Florida and Alabama are equal but opposite reciprocals of one another, and on a collision course for ATL and in turn, the BCSNCG. 

For the most part, the similarities were obvious before last week, when both Alabama and Florida shut down top-20 teams on the road in the most pugilistic of ways, stifling defenses and plodding, conservative offenses with a run-first philosophy.  Sure there are other similarities; both programs are helmed by taciturn, tight-lipped, control freaks who lord over their respective programs (and states for that matter) like medieval warlords and both fan bases are beyond fervent.  For the most erudite Florida fans, the fact that the Gators under Pope Meyer are a single-wing, power running team (and have been for awhile now) that is thinly camouflaged by offensive sets with wide receivers running thither and yon, is not only no surprise, but is welcomed. 

For many, however, this concept is upsetting.  This is particularly true amongst those who still recall with giddy reverie the days when the OBC would fill the air with footballs.  Be that as it may, SNL has accepted if nt embraced the fact that Meyer’s Gators are and will likely remain a team created in ‘Bama’s image-which is a good thing.  And, when these titans meet in the ATL this year, the collision will be epic-though the scoreboard may not reflect the genius of the respective generals on each sideline. 

SNL’s prescience has lost some of its shine now that the mainstream heads at si.com and E-SPIN have jumped on the bandwagon, but we will continue to site to our previous post as evidence that we were way out in front of this story. 

Well, flock, the parallels between the SEC behemoths continues this week when Alabama hosts USC and Florida hosts Arkansas.  For the records, Vegas has made ‘Bama a mere 17-point favorite over USC, and Florida a whopping 24-point favorite over the Hawgs.  The camps of both underdogs are predictably mum on the chances for an upset, and who can blame them.  More on the actual matchups later, let’s do some housekeeping. 

Last week, 7-4 ATS, 18-13 YTD.  By now, most teams are who we thought they were, and the wins are starting to come at a pace which will have the wifey in some new jewelry at season’s end.  SNL’s winning percentage in year’s past has been roughly 57% in weeks 1 through 5, and 67% in weeks 5 through 14.  Se we expect to keep on rolling.

Dis and Dat….The wheels remain intact in Athens, but barely.  Too bad because even the most calloused Gator fan can see that Richt is a good Coach and a better person.  Still, the fratricide of the SEC is unrelenting and losing to Layla Kiffin’s husband will fire up any fan base because, well, that guy’s a total jackass.  Speaking of wheels, another tough week for the ‘Noles, losing at home to Tech having been compounded by the details of the cheating schedule.  Far be it for SNL to pile on, but if you’re going to give scholarships to players who read a second-grade level (after a few years of “college” no less), you should have the common decency to be a good football team.  On the upside, by virtue of consistently sucking for 5-years or so, no one is saying that the “wheels are coming off” in Tallahassee, that ship has sailed. 

Erstwhile…Da’ U will be without 4 starters when it visits UCF tomorrow, which won’t matter, and USFwas rolled at home by Cincinnati, a fact which is further illustrative of FSU’s precipitous fall from grace since, you know, the Bulls crushed the ‘Noles in Doak with a Backup QB a few weeks back.  Finally, this is a grand week for all of CFB.  Why?  Because Notre Damehas to play USC, which will effectively foreclose any more talk of the Clausen-for-heisman, a loss for the limousine industry, but a win for Irish-haters everywhere.  The downside, of course, is the inevitable “USC is playing as well as anyone in the country right now,”  which will be a talking point for all of the frosted tipped fellows at E-SPIN. 

Picks out tomorrow…

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: ATS, Degenerate Gambler, DEGENERATES, Layla Kiffin, Noles, PAC 1+9, SEC, Spurrier, The Hat, UGA, Urban Meyer, USC

College Gameday: Short, Sweet, Delicious…

October 3, 2009 in ATS, BCS, E-SPIN, Main Content | No comments

gamedaySorry foe the delay in posts, flock.  Trips to the hospital and hearings on bull**** motions filed by idiot attorneys have kept us busy here at SNL.  2-3 ATS last week dropped us to .500 on posted plays and made for along walk to the back of Sal’s to play a grinning Vinnie some juice.  Funny thing about Vinnie, even when he grins you’re sure he plans putting you to sleep with the fishes. 

Undeterred and in true degenerate form, SNL was able to use the iphone and “world wide web” to get in on Utah St. and Colorado the last couple of days.  We’ve already requested our proceeds, which will be promptly reported to the appropriate authorities upon receipt, and we’re about to call Vinny for some traditional CFB action.  So we’re playing with house money today on a 2 game win streak.

Ole Miss (-10) @ Vandy:  The mascots for both teams are old, white, mustachioed aristocrats, which is where the similarities end for these two schools.  Vanderbilt is a school for smart people, and smart people suck at football-don’t believe me, watch all of the ex-NFL heads on the Sunday shows putting their Bachelor’s in “Housing” to work. 

Factor in the fact that the old, white dude that coaches the Rebs has had to listen to how overrated his team was for 10 days, a stout Miss run defense, and Vandy’s utter inability to muster any sort of passing attack, and you’ve got a blow out for the road team.  Ole Miss -10 (buy the half-point if this thing bounces before you get it).  This is a strong play.

Arkansas (-1) at Texas A & M:  Texas Agricultural & Mechanical is a surprising 3-0 this year, beating down the likes of UAB and Utah St. and Our-Kansas is 1-2, losing to Aly-Bammy and UGA.  So why is Our-Kansas laying road chalk?  Because the Aggies are not good and Petrino’s Hawgs are good against teams that are not good.  Got it?  Arkansas wins a shootout. 

Cincinnatti (-26.5) at Miami (Ohio):  There is something about this year’s Miami of Ohio team which you may find interesting-their ranked last in Offense and Defense-no not last in their conference-last in the NCAA.  Bearcats are near the top in every offensive category.  Yipes.  Easy money, Cincy -26.5. 

Looking at the late games now (while junior naps) and will also try and get the flock some inside information on the state of Tebow’s brain. 

 

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: ACC, ATS, Degenerate Gambler, DEGENERATES, SEC

An early one for the Degenerates: Who doesn’t love an opportune nooner?

September 26, 2009 in ACC, ATS, BCS, Degenerate Gamblers, E-SPIN, Fans, TV SCHEDULE | No comments

Not a lot of time flock-wife needs to go to TJ Maxx, maybe Bed, Bath & Beyond too, if we have the time.  SNL will be back before the 3:30 regional coverage with some strong to fairly strong picks courtesy of Fokker, one of which involves the pencil thin hombre pictured right, who is none other than the QB Da’ U and the favored son of Da’ U’s mouth-jeweled fan base. 

This means, of course, that Vinnie “Hands” Moresci, ardent supporter of the Hokies and part-time vigorish, will be watching closely.  This is never a good thing since Hands reputedly choked a man unconscious last weekend for looking at his wife a little too long.  Word to the wise:  If you see Vincenzo out and about with the missus, acknowledege and look away as if she were the center of the sun and a danger to your retinas. 

Moving on….

6-4 ATS YTD…

UNC (+3) at G. Tech:  G. Tech, full-fledged member of the protractor club, hosts Butch Davis’ Heels today.  For those new to the scene, Davis is the former coachof Da’U, which means he knows how to assemble thugs and get them eligible, even at a fine institution like UNC.  Incestuously enough, it was Davis’ old team that exposed Tech a couple of Thursday’s ago, and SNL, heedless of his hatred for the Da’U and its progeny, is looking to cpitalize.

Tech is weak on the lines of scrimmage this year as evidenced by all of the green jerseys in Tech’s backfield a week agao.  The Heels, conversely, are strong on the lines of scrimmage.  In laymen’s terms for the “hard of thinking,” this means UNC should be able to win first down more often than not, which is never a good thing for the Jackets because their QB’s arm is the CFB equivalent of Nedmo’s special fin.  The pick, UNC +3.

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: ATS, BCS, Degenerate Gambler, DEGENERATES, SEC

A Thursday Night Lean for the Degenerates: Meet the OBC

September 24, 2009 in ATS, Cocks, Degenerate Gamblers, E-SPIN, Rebels | No comments

Ole Miss (-4/53) at South Carolina:  Regular visitors know that SNL loves to write about USC for 2 reasons:  1) A soft spot for the OBC, a great Gator and a**-kicker of (former) Gator nemesis’, UGA and UT.   As fate would have it, tGeorgia SCarolina Footballhe OBC is under the Thursday Nite Lights again this very evening, taking on a top-5 club in Nutt’s Ole Miss Rebels.  Now the bulk of you will no doubt entertain yourselves with soophomoric hyperbole predicated on the fact that the Rebels’ Caoch is “Coach Nutt”, and the South Carolina mascot is “the Cocks”.  Hah, hah.  SNL would love to engage in this banal dribble, no sarcasm intended, except that he is trying to figure out an angle on this game from the more mature perspective, i.e. beating the spread.

Dr. Saturday has penned an erudite piece on this game, the thesis of which is that the Ole Miss “brand” (as opposed to USC, Florida etc…) has not been around long enough to embed itself in the collective consciousness of the college gamblers…err….fans.  Ergo, this spread is low-which it is-for a top-5 club on the road at an unranked opponent.  SNL tends to agree, which makes Ole Miss the play here-right?  Maybe not.  Spurrier still claims some cache’, at least offensively, and Nutt has shown a propensity to shoot too soon when playing the Cocks, as was the case last year when Ole Miss promptly lost to USC after narrowly defeating a turnover plagued Gator squad.  Ole Miss has also feasted on lightweights, Memphis and fill-in-the-direction Louisiana, which means we have no real objective measure to determine how good Ole Miss really is this year.  Ole miss did, however, give up a 179 yards rushing to Memphis, which may be a harbinger of this year’s rush defense.  Even so, the OBC’s Cocks aren’t known for exploiting up the middle, so this fact may bear little on tonight’s game.

The Cocks, after making all of us suffer through a 7-3 snoozer at NC St., lit up the scoreboard against UGA.  Problem is, everyone is lighting up the scoreboard against UGA this year.  Long gone are the days we can count on the OBC’s offensive genius to turn armless Qb’s into Heisman Trohpy winners.  In fact, about all we can count on from USC tonight is a bunch of un-funny puns employing the obvious double-meaning of the word “Cock”, as show more fully below. 

At the end of the day, there’s simply not enough of a resume here to head in either direction, which means a play on either side would be G-A-M-B-L-I-N-G to say the least.  Still, SNL knows that most of the flock are quaking like the dopers on intervention to put some “action” on tonight’s game.  You know who you are Mr. “debit-card-on-BoDog”, denial will only hurt you in the long run.  In effort to satisfy your fix, however, SNL will tell you that the “value” in this line is on the Under, based on Ole Miss’ perceived ability to score and the nationally televised USC’-UGA game, which produced around 80-points.  That said value is a relative term, and SNL is going to pray that the OBC can draw up some ball plays that will allow his Cocks to hang around, so if you must, takethe under and the points, and play small!! 

Flock, before you go doubling-down on your whole $31.00 bankroll tonight, please know that this weekend’s card is the best so far from an investment standpoint.  So be judicious in your investing.  Also, please note that SNL will not take credit-win or lose-for this pick, which is purely given to assuage the degenerates among you, who are many. 

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: BCS, Degenerate Gambler, Degenerate Gamblers, Rebs

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