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What they’re saying in Baton Rouge and Tebow-Gate: Will he or won’t he?

October 8, 2009 in Gators, LSU, Main Content, The Hat | No comments

tebow-meyerAfter much rumination, SNL has decided to post weekly on what the other camps blogs and sports columnists are reporting.  Assuming of course, the that “other camp” is not FIU or one of the other embarrassing D-II schools Foley insists on scheduling due to the “economics of the situation.”  In other words, if Vegas doesn’t have a spread, the game doesn’t really happen, no matter how many fervent, orange and blue clad folks you shove in The Swamp.  So, without further ado…

Tiger Bait is concerned with LSU’s pass rush, which hasn’t generated a sack since the Vandy game.  Truth be told, Vandy is more or less like SNL’s old JV team, which passed only after 2 (or 3 depending on field position) running plays failed to net a first down.  Naturally, there’s no way of knowing what goes on in the woeful Commie’s huddle, but the results can reasonably lead one to conclude that Vandy’s pass plays are drawn on the chest of the QB with his fingers, so sacks of Commie QB’s are essentially void ab initio.

And the Valley Shook, a well-reasoned LSU blog and one of SNL’s favorites, has devoted some space to deriding the now rote “LSU-crank-calling” tradition and thrown in a nice cuckolding of the chorus of expertswith no information whatsoever but who nonetheless maintain that Tebow should not play this Saturday.   SNL couldn’t agree more.  With respect to actual x’s and o’s, ATVS has remained relatively mum, but has taken an interesting position positing that the primary reason to sit Tebow is because this game “isn’t that important to either team.”  Presumably, this assertion is based on the fact that either team winning out following a loss in this game would be a de facto participant in the national title game.  SNL is not entirely certain that this logic holds sway if its Florida that loses, for two reasons:  1) Florida’s non-conference slate is abysmal, doubly so now that we can all attest to the fact that FSU is horrible by any objective measure and under siege to boot; and 2) Florida’s Western Division draw this year omits ‘Bama, Ole Miss, and Auburn, so Florida’s next opportunity to impress the pollsters will be in the SECCG.  Put another way, LSU plays 3 more ranked teams, one in the top-3, and Florida plays zero unless the OBC can catch fire.  Ergo, for Florida this game is a must win. 

Bandit’s LSU Sports Blogspt LSUga bf 0197.jpg has chosen to opine on LSU’s lack of pass rush and questions Florida’s ability to exploit it.  After some relatively banal introspection (in written form), Bandit  concludes that Florida can, in fact, exploit LSU’s lack of pressure and ends his piece prophetically but writing “[s]ometimes weakness can be exploited both at the depth of the weakness and during the attempt to fix the problem.”    Bandit, circa 2009 A.D.  So Bandit is no wizard of hyperbole, the blog is still worth a gander on game week. 

Baton Rouge’s on-line newspaper, The Advocate,  has a piece centered on LSU’s renewed “swagger” due to Scott’s 95 yard performance at UGA last week and his 33-yard scoring run with time running out.  Click if you’re bored, but this is just banal newspaper drivel.  Of course, using the term swagger is all of the rage thanks to Jay-Z and friends, but this clevueruse of contemporary nomenclature aside, there’s no need to check this piece out.  Maybe the ’swagger” will hit this site in time for the game, so check back.  The columnist at The Advocate, Randy Rosetta, has a pretty good piece about the talk around the water cooler, so he should be worth reading in days to come.  One point of interest in Rosetta’s piece, CBS’ “experts” have given their picks and 4 of 5 think the Tigers will knock off the Gators.  For Florida fans who deem this to be little more than biased puffery, SNL would remind you that LSU has faced tougher competition to date, especially on the road where they have defeated a pretty good UGA and U-dub. 

LSU’s Student Newspaper is also worth a gander,  though there’s nothing to get all geeked up about at present. 

There you have it flock-no bulletin board material whatsoever, just two great programs respectful of one another and looking forward to a spirited competition. 

SNL will try and stir things up with this next post, all this hand-holding makes me sick. 

As for St. Tebow:  Pope Urb has been predictably mum on the situation, at least to those who know that Pope Urb is the love-child of Bill Belichik and Johnny “Tight Lips” Fugazzi (a little know Eye-talian gangster that spoke little, but killed much).  This has prompted The Hat to prepare for both QB’s-allegedly-which is all part of the plan.  Seriously, it seems that no one knows Tebow’s status, including the team of world renowned physicians that UF has hired to monitor his recovery.  The more interesting anlge to this overdone story is the divergence of opinion between the national media, who believe that Urban will readily mortgage Tebow’s future health for a win at LSU by playing him no matter what the “experts” say, and the regional media, who believe that Tebow will play because he’s, well, Tim Tebow, slayer of draqgons, feared by men and loved by women.  SNL has tried to hit up some of the local talking heads for some scoop-you know, put their physical education degrees to work for the betterment of the flock-to no avail.  It seems that the taciturn Urban, already skiddish when it comes to players who were wiened under Spurrier’s “finesse” system, has buttoned up all informal channels of communication as well. 

SNL expects Brantley and a very tight game to be won by Florida’s defense.  More on this later…

-So Sayeth the Shephard

Tags: Gators, LSU, Pope Meyer, The Hat

News and Notes: ACC Roulette, UT still after Meyer, and Da’U returns (again)…

October 5, 2009 in ATS, BCS, Dr. Saturday, Main Content | No comments

SNL watched a ton of football yesterday, going 2-1 on posted picks and 4-0 on night games (sorry, Flock, wasn’t near the computer).  The season record is running in the red again at 10-9 officially and 16-10 unofficially (for the record, “unofficial” games are games played but not posted before kickoff).

Moving on….after teasing its dwindling fan base with a bludgeoning of the morally sound but physically inept Latter Day Saints in Provo, FSU has returned to form, losing to 2 underdogs in a row.  For those who enjoy reveling in FSUs malaise, revel in this:  FSU is now 0-2 in the ACC and 12-14 in league play since 2006.  And, were it not for a last second comeback against I-AA Jacksonville St., the Noles would be 1-4 at the mid-point of the season.

For Gator fans, like SNL, FSU’s impotence is disappointing on two fronts:  First, Florida’s SOS is taking a severe beating as a result of FSU’s fee-fall.  Gone are the days when Florida could point out that it’s non-conference slate, however pathetic (and it often is), included a year-end date with an in-state rival and powerhouse FSU. 

Second, and much more upsetting to the Gator-alleginat, hating the ‘Noles is essentially a politically incorrect position about now, like hating Nemo because of his “special fin” or Charlie Sheen because he’s rich for sucking at acting  Hell, SNL may spear-head a canned good drive for the ‘Noles if they get any worse, which they apparently have in the last 24 hours due to a prominent booster’s public call for an end of the Bowden era.  The student-body has also chimed in with this fine piece of work:

Always the optimist, a seemingly giddy Bowden was overheard telling a local reporter that “[t]his was the third best game I’ve ever been a part of this year,” and “Lord loves a workin’ man.”   Seriously?  Coach, with all due respect, you’re becoming the ex that won’t accept the break-up and keeps showing up at the front door unannounced with a cheesy gift.  If you love something, set it free…

Shifting back into cerebral mode, does FSU even keep Fisher at this point?  This is a fine mess. 

Erstwhile…Coach Kiffin and his Jolly Vols dropped another home game, this one to conference rival Auburn.  Coach Kiffin now boasts-literally, he “boasts”-a 7-19 record as a head coach, and the Vols remain winlesst in the conference.  “Still, we coulda’ lost that sucker by 20 or 30 points,” said a jubilant Coach Kiffin after the loss, “so I consider this a moral victory for this program.”  You heard it here folks, UT is now 4-1 when factoring in its “moral” victories.    Not to worry, the gushing UT contingent was hosting a bevy of high-caliber recruits and, after showing a promotional video on the stadium big screen, faded with the image of Pope Urb to the delight of the frenzied crowd, proving once again that hurling empty taunts at America’s best CFB program is way more entertaining that watching UT football.  SNL, too, pokes fun at those who are better looking, have more money, success, fame, and prospects, so there’s some empathy here.  That said the Vols must realize that their unbridled hatred for Pope Meyer is a tacit admission of what they know to be true deep in side their tattered souls:  UT is horrible-still.

Seriously, the Vols host UGA this week (a pick’em according to Vegas Hilton), and SNL expect the Kiffinwill be 0-3 in the conference in short order.  Perhaps this is the week that Kiffin will make good on his promise to use the flu as an excuse when his team performs poorly.  The obvious juxtaposition of this folly is that his team ALWAYS performs poorly.  Perhaps the flu excuse should be saved for that game when UT performs well-Vandy is still on the schedule, after all. 

In Gotham City…hordes of felons with no legitimate affiliation to Da’U committed various assaults, larcenies, and robberies to show their exuberance following Da’U’s come from behind victory over OU.  Big Game Bob was admittedly short-handed, but Miami appears to be a viable contender for  the ACC crown this year.  A fact which sends shivers down the spine of all legitimate BCS executives who stand to lose a ton of money if they get sandbagged with the Raiders…errr…..Hurricanes in a bowl game as the bulk of Da’U’s fan base can’t leave the county withuot permission from their probation officer.  In a related story, the ACC is investigating allegations that several students (that’s Dade County Community College Students-fyi) colluded with stadium officials to sit in designated seats where the stadium lights would refract off of their mouth jewelry and thereby blind Oklahoma’s quarterback.  No word on this yet. 

Quickly….Tebow?  We don’t need no Tebow, or so says Vegas, Florida opens as a 9-point fav over the Tigers of the Bayou…UNC is starting to turn on Coach Davis who has failed to deliver on his promise to make the Heel the “Powder Blue U”….Houston, we hardly knew ye’, and don’t want to after the a**-kicking handed to you this week…speaking of which, anyone want to pick up the mantle of the Big 12 about now? …South Floridais moving along with a showdown coming up with Cincinnati….LSU hasn’t lost a night game at Tiger Stadium since 2002 and Pope Urban is 28-3 with a bye-week…Stewart Mandel, possessor of marginal talent, has decreed Alabama as the best team in the Country, and SNL isn’t so sure he’s wrong (this time)…

 

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: ATS, Bama, BCS, Degenerate Gamblers, LSU, Meyer, SEC, Tebow, UGA, Urban Meyer

Gators v. Vols Recap or, Welcome to Flori-bama!

September 21, 2009 in BCS, Degenerate Gamblers, E-SPIN, Gators, Main Content, PAC 1 + 9 | No comments

tebow-volsIt was about this time last year when the Gator Nation was eating its own, attacking Meyer’s offensive acumen and lamenting the Gators desultory (here’s link for the thick of skull flock-members) offense and its inability to score points-alot of them.  This despite easy wins over Da’ U, Hawaii and those wascally Vols.  In the weeks that followed, Florida lost to Ole Miss, St. Tim of Tebow uttered the infamous  ”promise,” and Florida beheaded its remaining opponents like a medieval Monarch.   

Fueled by pre-season hype akin to “Beetle-Mania,” or so I’m told, a laughable pre-season slate, and Kiffin’s yapper, Saturday’s game against the suddenly-cool-to-hate-again Vols was going to be Florida’s Magnus Opus, a beating of biblical proportions meted out by the Orange and Blue Jesus, Tebow.  This game, circled on Gator calendars since Kiffin’s hire, was a statement game, pure and simple.  The statement, however, was not what the blood-lusting Gators wanted, but it’s probably the one they needed. 

First, let’s set out some basic facts.  It was obvious from the second quarter forward that UT could not beat Florida and it was equally obvious after 3 quarters that the Vols weren’t trying to beat Florida.  Florida punted only once and was a Tebow fumble away from posting 30 on UT.  Still, there’s no denying that on some level Kiffin got what he wanted, a “respectable” loss, and the Vol spin doctors are giddy with their “progress” under the Kiffin regime through 3 games.  Lost amidst UT’s euphoria are a couple of facts:  The Vols are 1-2 with a home loss to a PAC-10 team, and Florida is the top-ranked team and most consistent program in the country.  Framed as such Kiffin’s zeal in losing a not-as-close-as-it-seemed game to Florida (UT’s 4th consecutive loss to Florida) is more of an indictment of where his program is than the final score, however lopsided, could ever be.   In other words, the Vols are Ernie Els to Florida’s Tiger Woods.  Kapish?

For the Gators, it may be time to accept this year’s team for what it is, which is an excellent defense and an offense built around a power running game and make no mistake, Florida is a power running team no matter how many guys you see lining up at receivor.    If you look across the aisle Gator fan, you’ll see that your likely date in the A-T-L this year is fiendishly employing this same recipe albeit in slightly different fashion.  Darth Saban, whose Tide looks every bit the equal of Florida through 3 games, like Meyer, knows how to win.  Run.  Force turnovers.  Crush your opponents resolve with bone jarring hits on both sides of the ball.  For some, the transition may be difficult, the hi-fi pyro-technic display seared into our collective psyche by Harvin and Murphy put on last year was great.  Now, the Gator Nation is in effect breaking up with that really hot girl with a store-bought pair and questionable morals for the smart and pretty girl that you can present to the parentals without hesitation.  Sure, there will be the occasional E-SPIN highlight to satisfy the talking heads,  akin to a drunken make-out with your loose ex while your current is out of town, but you must stay the course!    In the end, the pretty and smart girl with a college degree and foresight is more than ample to get you where you want to be.  And, this years lo-fi edition can still do something that no other Gator team has ever done, win ALL of it’s games.  Do this and no one will remember that you didn’t beat Tennessee by 40 points.  A point which Meyer is well aware of. 

Moving on…SNL is 6-4 ATs through 3 weeks.  Left some easy winners on the table this week, but flock members who were around last year know that weeks 5 through 11 are where the coin is made.  FSUwas impressive and helped UF’s SOS with a dominant win over the Mormon hordes.  Maybe some of the ‘Noles will be “making it rain” in a strip club near you after all.  The Men of Troy, helmed by the Poodle, have blissfully let us all off the hook early this year, losing as a 19-point favorite at Washington.   For those who missed it, Jake Locker was phenomenal in the 4th-quarter.   Unlike year’s past, however, this year’s Trojans suck, predictable on offense, no playmakers at wideout.  Stay tuned, more losses to come, maybe SNL will start following the Poodle’s “tweets.”  LSU is getting better each week, and bye the bye, how impressive does LSU’s win at Washington look now? 

Coming soon……

Thurday’s Picks

Vincenzo’s Revenge

WHY SNL is smarter than you (wayyyyyyyyyy smarter, in fact)

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: ATS, BCS, Degenerate Gamblers, Gators, LSU, Urban, Urban Meyer, Vandy

College Football: The way it is is the way it was (for the most part).

September 15, 2009 in ACC, BCS, BIG 10, Dr. Saturday, E-SPIN, Foolmer, Gators, PAC 1 + 9, The Hat, The Poodle, Vols | No comments

  The season is a mere 2 weeks old and, as always, the drama of CFB has seen the fortunes of many diametrically altered in a span of 3 and a hal hours this past Saturday.  In general, what stands out the most to SNL is not the ostensible resurgence of the Wolverines or comeuppance of the Houston Cougars, it’s the plodding inefficiency of specific regimes who thought  they were something other than what they are, but are in reality, are who they already were.  There’s also a few, who are what they never have been.  Make sense?   Let Me explain:

1.  The Vestwas bludgeoned again by The Poodle.  There is a great write-up on the Buckeyes’ offensive ineptitude on Dr. Saturday’s site, and SNL would be re-plodding plowed ground were he to get into all of them.  But some of the more noticeable deficiencies include the complete absence of the zone-read, which is the staple of every spread offense from Ann Arbor to Gainesville (and about a thousand high schools in between), and the failure to make USC cover the field (all of it, that is) by checking to a bubble screen when the Trojans (purposefully neglected) to place a man over the slot receiver.  

In laymen’s terms, Ohio State was advertised as a newly constructed offense built on the skills, shoulders and tattoos of its phenom QB (save some canvas TP, you may want to add a few more when you’re languishing on the bench in the NFL).  What Ohio St. is, however, is the same unimaginative, poorly coached and schemed offense that hasn’t been able to beat a team of equal talent since 2002-for those of you parochial by nature, this means a team outside the Big 10.  What is certain, or as certain as anything after 2 weeks, is that  Rich Rodriguez-irrespective of this year’s outcome-is a better coach than The Vest, and Big Blue will run The Vest out of town in another year or two.  Even worse, there is nothing left on the Buckeye schedule sufficient to buoy this year’s Buckeyes into the national consciousness.  In sum, OSU remains the team that is better than the other teams in its conference, but incapable of beating the best teams in the SEC, Big 12, or PAC 1 + 9, at least for now.

2.  Kiffin’s credentials, aside from his bridal selection, are worthy of questioning.  In fact, if you closed your eyes during the UCLA/UT game on Saturday for any reason other than excessive alcohol consumption, this game looked exactly like last year’s crap-bowl between these teams which was coached not by UT’s blonded boy-toy, but by his corpulent predecessor, Fool-mer.  The offense was straight outta’ Crompton, with the 5th-year senior throwing for less than 100 yards and 3 picks.  It seems safe to say the Fulmer could have could have produced this result and saved the school a ton of money and off-season embarrassment.  Speaking of which, Kiffin should be mouth agape by midway through the second-quarter this Saturday and suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder by 6:00 EST or so.  Best part:  Fulmer is CBS’ SEC analyst.  In sum, Kiffin is just a mouthier version of the old boss, and he’s also the Jabrone that marched into CFB’s most hyper-competitive conference (and its not even close) and made an ass out of himself without any independent achievements to support his sophomoric hubris.  

3.  Rich-Rod.  Say what you will about this guy, he’s a liar, he breaks the NCAA’sludicrous practice constraints for the NFL feeder league that is NCAA football etc…  This guy can Coach.  True, Michigan and ND both looked undersized and slow on the defensive side of the ball, but how can you not like this Forcier cat?  He’s small and ornery, like NCAAF’s version of Tanner from The Bad News Bears, and, unlike USC’s frosty-tipped signal caller, looks like he’s not a complete douche. 

4.  The OBC can still draw up some plays and, still struggles on occasion in the red zone.  3 field goals on possessions inside UGA’s 20, along with the worst kickoff coverage this side of Zook undid the Cocks, but credit the OBC for putting on a show following the nationally televised cat-fight with NCSU.   

5.  It’s official, USC is now poised for 2 weeks of BCSCG hype, followed by an untimely loss-or 2 if Saturday’s vanilla performance is a harbinger-and a season-ending win streak which will prompt the E-SPIN heads to sing in unison “SC is playing as well as anyone in the country right now.”   While it would be nice for Florida deliver a solid a**-kicking of the prophylactics in the BCSCG, the key to this wish is the phrase “right now,” which impliedly points out that the Trojans will have sucked against someone else that also sucks a month or so before. 

6.  Florida’s trip to Baton Rouge looks a little rosier to the uninitiated.  LSU was outgained by over 200 yards in Washington last week and judging by the scoreboard, struggled to put away Vandy.  This sentiment, which seems common amongst Florida fans, belies the fact that LSU was never threatened by Vandy, and coasted to relatively convincing victory nonetheless.  And, playing Vandy is about as exciting as drunk-dialing an ex-girlfriend at 2 a.m. becuase the girl you were buying drinks for all night lef with your buddy.  Still, it would be nice to see  The Hat joining The Vest and the cherub-faced Kiffin on the first train outta’ town if the Tigers get cleansed by the Gators on October 11, but don’t count on it.  

7.  Florida State’s trip to Gainesville looks like a horror show.  Hell, the ‘Noles may get pummeled so bad by the polygamists next week that they may just forfeit the remainder of the season.  The only upside for SNL is watching Bownden hem and haw on his
Sunday program, dropping punchy 1-liners like “I don’t know who #19 is,” and “I can’t remember what play we had called there.”  Like all sentient beings, SNL likes Bowden, but his equity in the program has dwindeld to an all-time low and it may be time to move on.  Bowden for Senate!  For the uninformed, the ‘Noles squeaked by Jackson St. last week after trailing most of the 4th-quarter.  Would it be an overstatement after 2 games to say the Florida State sucks-again?  Probably not.  But always looking to err on the side of caution, SNL will refrain from making so strident a statement for fear of a bellicose response from the ‘Nole readers, who don’t know what that last sentence means.  But, after Tech kicks the crap out of Da’U this Thursday, all bets are off.

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: BCS, Degenerate Gambler, LSU, Meyer, The Hat, The OBC, the Vest, UT

BREACHING PROTOCOL: A QUICK GLANCE AT NEXT WEEK’S SHOWDOWN AND A “THANKS TO UGA”

October 23, 2008 in ATS, Gators, LSU, Main Content, SEC, UGA | No comments

“Fear is the true opiate of combat.”

 

SNL, like everyone, has heard it over and over.  “We respect (team we should dominate), and we’re not looking ahead to (our biggest rival).  We are taking this season 1 game at a time.”  

Naturally, the need to utter this bland and overused quote, or some facsimile thereof, is because it is 100% false.  Right now, every Gator fan, player, and Coach is eager to dispense of UK so they can officially do what they have been unofficially doing since last year, planning revenge on Georgia. 

Nationally, the interest in UF-UGA game will depend largely on the reult of Georgia’s game this Saturday in Baton Rouge.  Locally, this game will be anticipated, talked about, dissected, downloaded, uploaded, condensed, DVR’d, and YouTubed more than Brittany Spears’ nipple “incident,” irrespective of the outcome in Baton Rouge.

For Gators, it is inarguable that the visceral need to beat the Dawgs in humbling fashion will remain unchanged irrespective of Saturday’s outcome.  This fact flows inevitably from last year’s loss, which emphatically ended an era of Gator dominance. 

Like all Gators, SNL’s lamentations could be heard for miles following UGA’s defeat of Florida last year.  As the days passed, however, SNL came to see the good, which is that this rivalry, which has experienced periods of hegemonic dominance much like the Visigoths and Romans,  had been given new life.  For this, SNL offers to the Dawgs a humble thanks.  Moving on…

UGA’s game against LSU is difficult to get a read on.  For its part, Georgia has been a study in incongruency this year.  Knowshon, Stafford and the unbelievable freshman wideout, Green, have put up great numbers by and large, and yet Georgia seems on a weekly basis to allow its opponents to hover in some sort of purgatory, never out of the game, but never really in the game either. 

Certainly, the well-chronicled offensive line problems, as well as the evident overzealousness of the Athens PD, have played a significant part in UGA’s inability to dominate its SEC foes to date.  To his credit, Richt has nonetheless kept the Dawgs in the winner’s column for the most part, and may well do so again this Saturday.

On the other side of the ball, SNL can’t help but feel that LSU’s undressing at The Swamp has disproportionately damaged its national reputation.  That LSU was able to win at South Carolina has apparently done little to change this, despite the fact that the Cocks have an excellent defense and were playing well coming into that game.  Though ot evident from an empirical standpoint, especially given LSU’s schedule to date, SNL has a feeling that the Tigers of the Louisiana genus are probably better than given credit for. 

For Gators, the result of the LSU-UGA game may not carry the impact originally foreseen.  For example, if LSU wins at home, Florida’s resouding victory over LSU is commensurately bolstered.  If UGA wins, the WLOCP takes on heightened importance nationally, which is also good for Florida (assuming, of course, that Florida can win). 

Teasing the fact pattern further out, however, illustrates that an UGA victory is the best result for Florida for 2 reasons:  1) As before, it heightens the importance of the WLOCP, which will likely strengthen Florida’s SOS and place more voting eyes on Jax next week; and 2) An UGA win places LSU 2-games back of ‘Bama, which means that ‘Bama’s rear-naked-choke on the West is strengthened.  This in turn means that Florida is unlikely to rematch an angry and much improved LSU team in Atlanta, which is a good thing (ask FSU how that went in the 1996 Sugar Bowl). 

So, hunker down you hairy ‘Dawgs!  See you next week.

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

 

 

The

Tags: LSU, Saban, SEC, The Hat, UGA

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