We poached this beauty from EDSBS, who presumably, poached it from LSU Freek (yes, we intuited that from the top-right corner of the image).
Here in not-so-sunny-but-hotter-than-hell Gainesville, where the nearest beach of repute is 90 minutes away, we learned this week that Aly-Bammy is not the only SEC institution that intends to spend thousands of dollars to shamelessly aggrandize its gridiron heroes. Here’s what the local rag had to say:
The bronze statues of Steve Spurrier, Danny Wuerffel and Tim Tebow are to be placed on the west side of Ben Hill Griffin Stadium. The full board votes this afternoon on the project. The statues cost $550,000, which is being funded by private donations. Athletic Director Jeremy Foley said the statues will likely be installed after Jan. 1, allowing the former players being honored to be there for an unveiling of the statues.
For the SNL crew, the moral of the story is that there are some rich bastards out there who love them some Florida and Alabama football. Since we here at SNL are not among the hordes of loaded alums, the more important lessen to be distilled from this is that going to law school at UF is no harbinger of future riches. In fact, it will almost surely leave you under a heap of student loans with only marginal employment options. Start encouraging the MBA route mom and dad.
Irrespective, it is comforting to know that Alabama and Florida continue to whip’em out and see who’s is biggest even though we remain months away from a football game.
Phew…we at SNL have been running amok about the state of Florida this week. Why you ask? To bring you the very best in breaking CFB news and information? Which you, loyal members of the flock can then parlay into a nifty nest egg to be frivolously spent on booze, rims, and Affliction gear that matches your barbwire tattoo? Not even close.
Still, we’ve managed to find a little time to put together a palatable slate of plays for those of you interested in this sort of thing…you know who you are, you’re called “degenerates” by people of good repute.
Florida at USC (+17.5): We posted earlier this week on what a strange year this has been for the Gator allegiant. Like Dickinson said many years ago…It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…
What we expect is more of the same from our beloved Gators…good defense and so many field goals you’ll feel like your watching Australian Rules…Throw in the slugger’s chance you always have when The Visor is pacing the sidelines with his diabolical playbook and the fact the ‘Cocks are pretty stiff at home (who can resist?), and we’ll take the generous 17 plus the hook.
Afterwards, we’ll join the rest of the Gators in listening stone-faced to Urban’s typical, taciturn post-game press conference which will include some variation of the following statement “that was Florida football out there, field position, protect the ball, and good defense,” and if we’re lucky to catch our stoic leader on a peppy day, something like “any win in the SEC is a good win.” He’ll be right of course, but we’ll still feel like we just took a smokin’ hot girl to a $200.00 dinner at Ruth’s Chris and didn’t even get a kiss at the door.
Florida 23-13, and don’t bother DVR’ing the game, you won’t want to watch it twice.
Utah (+20.5) at TCU: We here at SNL love us some Utes. No, not because they were kind of enough to give us Urban Meyer in exchange for a truckload of money. Rather, our love is founded on irony: As in, “it’s ironic that the Utes do not aspire to the ethnic and religious homogeneity of their sister university, BYU.” Because of this willingness to embrace athletes who are more err….athletic- yea! That’s it…athleitc!!-than those of the Provo variety, the Utes can hang around with TCU. Here’s to you Jimmy the Greek!
TCU 28-13…buy the hook an make sure you get the three touchdonwns, you’ll be white-knuckling until the end of this one.
Housekeeping…before we get to the picks, let’s clear the air on a few things that have upset members of the Flock. Enough about Spikes! It was a chippy game, he’s a good guy, and really, the only reason to be upset is because Pope Urban caved to pressure from national toolbags like Lupica, and Mike Golic and suspended him.
Golic, bye the bye, has confessed that in the days of yore’ he tried to choke a man in the pile a la John Wesley Harden of “Time Life Book Fame” (that’s right, the look and feel of hand-tooled leather!). If that’s not enough, Golic is corpulent and decidedly unfunny, and as clever as it may have been at the time for E-SPIN to pair the hefty, quasi-burly Golic with his effeminate, eunuch of a counterpart, the cache has long since passed and these two should fade quietly into the night only to be seen on reality TV.
Steve Czaban has also been openly critical Meyer, but he’s so damn funny, we here at SNL have turned the other cheek. Seriously folks, make the switch from “Tubby Mike and Skinny Mike,” and hit up the Czabe, it’s like going from box wine to Dom.
Finally…..remember and weep ye’ of the soft-heart…
Moving on….
Vanderbilt (+35) at Florida:Pops won’t like this pick, so it calls for an explanation. Some years ago, when Spurrier’s Gators were kicking the bejeezus out of everyone, Florida opened with a directional school and the spread was Florida -56!!! At the time, SNL had a policy of not picking for or against the Gators, even against the spread.
The following Tuesday, SNL presented at the rear of Sal’s “Fine Italian Eatery” to fork over some hard earned dough to Vinnie “Hands” Moresci, who sat smugly at his table as he always did (and does)-as he should because he’s always flanked by at least two Italians who are north of 250 lbs. and look they would poke your eyes out with an icepick if Vincenzo gave them the nod.
I counted out my losses (SNL wasn’t as sharp back then) and Vincenzo said, “Why’nt take Northern Illinois (or whoerver it was) kid?”
“I don’t bet against Florida,” I mumbled in reply.
“Let me ask you somethin’ kid,” Vinnie said in a way that let me know he wasn’t really “asking” me anything, ““When’s the last time the Florida Gators bought you a steak dinner?”
The Florida Gators still haven’t spung for the steak, and the lesson has stuck with me. And that, Flock, is what we call “the moral of the story.”
Today, I get my steak, Vandy covers, 42-13.
Oklahoma (-5) at Nebraska: SNL had an epiphany of sorts last week while watching Nebraska squeak past Baylor: Nebraska’s offense sucks. An equal but opposite (at least for today) truth occurred some weeks ago when watching Oklahoma: Oklahoma’s defense is gooood. That Flock, is what we call “science.” and SNL is in love with this pick. Lay the 5 with confidence and while you’re watching your investment mature, think about how horrible that Big 12 Championship Game is going to be.
Northwestern (+15.5) at Iowa: Ahhhh, the chic conundrum that is Iowa. What do we do with them? Where do they rank? How good are they? These enigmatic Hawkeyes have vexed the hard-of-thinking national heads, like Mandel, and Feinbaum, but not us. Quick digression, SNL once met a whole busload of Iowa sorority girls at St. Augustine beach, and nary a one was hot. Saddest day of my then eighteen year existence.
Here’s your answer Flock. Iowa is ok, but SNL believes we should ride the doggies until Iowa gets some hot chicks or shows some signs of consistent quarterback play, we’ll keep taking the points.
Houston (-1) at Tulsa: Like Terrelle Owens and Lindsey Lohan, Tulsa is living on reputation of years past. Houston, conversely, hasn’t been seen much since Phi Slamma Jamma and cell phones the size of shoe boxes were sweeping the nation. Keenum for Heisman!! Kidding aside, this is another pick we feel pretty strongly about.
As always, these picks are for entertainment purposes only and comments are welcome. We’ll check back later to see how the Flock is making out.
The good Doctor reports that Richt is under siege from UGA supporters hell bent on replacing Cox, whose 3 int’s arguably turned the UF-UGA tilt from the “respectable loss” realm into the “damn-UGA-got-their-***-kicked-by-UF-again” variety. True to form, Richt will not be airing his team’s laundry to the press, which is laudable by most standards, but it does seem that explanations for UGA’s struggles will be owed as long as Richt is drawing a few million a year for his troubles.
Speaking of which, Dawgsports‘ post-defeat write-up on the game is well articulated, so well in fact it takes those of us now living in the heightof Florida’s Renaissance back to the days of yore, when Florida’s head coach looked like a well-muscled oompa loompa and would occasionally involve himself in physical altercations with fraternity brothers. True, Zook never even approached the success that Rich has had, but the pain of losing is universal, especially in the South where our respective football allegiance is the engine that drives our towns, economies, and often, live-which is, as my yankee brethren often point out with much sarcasm, kind of pathetic. (No, not you Vandy, you’re not like the other boys). Seriously, give the post a read, it’s great.
Glass half-full or half empty? Those Gators fans not busy defending Spikes’ eye-gouge, which is apparently going to warrant a suspension by the Commish, are lauding the UGA game as Florida’s return to form as the dominant power in CFB. “Florida’s offense is back,” they say, “See you in Pasadena!”
SNL has made a living mocking the ups and downs of the Gator faithful, many of whom were questioning the viability of Meyer’s offensive scheme at the mid-point of last season, so this week’s euphoria comes as no surprise. But it’s way too soon to declare Saturday’s win over a very pedestrian UGA outfit as some sort of Waterloo. The truth is, UGA moved the ball efficiently enough to call into doubt the conventional notion that UF’s defense is the equal of its SEC West reciprocal, Alabama. And, the offense was spotty at times, though better, and benefitted greatly from some short field scoring opportunities which inflated the score. True, UGA was coming off a bye and had so much at stake, which was evidenced by the jaw-boning going on on that field. Still, is was a workmanlike win at best which, when considering the cardiac moments of the past couple of games, will do thank you very much. Florida is still struggling to get consistent pressure from its down four and the DTs in particular aren’t getting much push. A better effort will be called upon by the time Saban’s crew arrives in the ATL and that’s a fact. Put another way, make sure you know well your Cancellation Policy when you book your rooms in Pasadena.
Quickly…a thanks to the Ducks for emphatically ensuring that we won’t have to suffer from the frosted-tipped heads at E-SPIN heads telling us in unison that “USC is better than anyone in the country right now,” throughout the month of November. Sorry Poodle, this year’s Men of Troy are non-good and non-factors in the PAC 1 + 9 (with the “1′ being Oregon. The inevitable downside is that Boise has another bullet, of an admittedly small caliber, to throw at the pollsters by virtue of its opening day win over Oregon. Still a trade up. FSU and Da’ U squeaked out winsthis weekend. Say waht you will, Ponder continues to prove that his is good, very good, and will be playing on Sundays. The OBC was depantsed by Laya Kiffin’s Husband, which is sad but has some upside in that UT is quickly becoming the object of Florida’s hate, and will remain so until UGA rights the ship and wins a few games in Jax.
Finally….‘Bama has opened as a 9-point favorite over LSU, a line that seems not be reflective of LSU’s recent thumping of Auburn (who just thumped Ole Miss), and ‘Bama’s struggle v. UT. On the other hand, ‘Bama shows up in big games under Saban, so maybe the line is about right. We don’t have to decide until later this week.
Saturday’s Picks (7-4 last week ATS). It’s a long year, but we fell we are hitting our stride, with two winning weeks in a row. Too many games last week, so SNL has narrowed it down to a sexy quartet that’s sure to please.
Texas (-3.5/55) v. Okie: As usual, there are some compelling story lines here, including but not limited to the return of Bradford, Colt McCoy’s lost mustache, and Oklahoma’s chance to resuscitate its struggling brand. However, for “investment” purposes, the only storyline that matters today is D-E-F-E-N-S-E, as in two of the top 16 units in the country on the field in a highly competitive, emotionally charged atmosphere.
We root for Florida here, and couldn’t care less which outfit walks out of Dallas with a W, but we enjoy harnessing the hard work and dedication of young college football players into cold, hard cash. No way these two teams hit this number. Under 55 is the pick.
UGA (-7) at Vandy: This game reminds us of Chris Rock’s “Tussin Skit,” you know, the one where Rock recites how his father believed (Robi) “Tussin” could cure all ailments (it was Balmex and Alka Seltzer in our house), including crush fractures of the tibia and heart attacks.
Well, Vandy is the “Tussin” of the CFB world, whatever aisl you, Vandy can fix it. Sure, UGA is under assault from its own fan base and coming off a blowout to Layla Kiffin’s husband, but it’s nothing a little ‘Tussin…err……Vanderbilt can’t fix. Vandy is horrible on offense, defense, and apparently, believes the forward pass is akin to sorcery. UGA gets well today, bu a long shot. This on e will be over by halftime. Georgia -7.5 (buy the hook if you’re frought with trepidation, but no need, this is a double-digit win).
Our-Kansas (+24) v. Florida: Our beloved Gators, defenders of the Crown and home to CFB’s resident rock-star, Tebow take to the field today to play the pass happy Razorbacks. The spread, presumably, is predicated on the “Flori-Bama” effect gripping the nation. Ergo, ‘Bama beat Arkie by 28, so Florida should too. Right?
Wrong. Arkie is better now than t was then, and Florida is missing some bodies in the D-Line. Florida is still the best red zone defense in the Country, and the Hawgs will struggle to find the end zone. But they’ll get to the red zone plenty. Florida wins 31-14, but doesn’t cover. Arkansas +24.
USC (+18.5) v. ‘Bama: ‘Bama and its diminutive-in-stature-but-ferocious-in-demeanor Coach, Saban, are CFB’s verion of the 2007 Giants. In other words, the physicality of ‘Bama football is a force to behold, so much so that SNL winces on the couch every time the ball is snapped and ‘Bama’s defense is on the field. That said the OBC has right fine defense too, and just enough offense to stay on the field with the Herculean Bama’ans. USC +18-maybe a nail biter, but we’ll get it done.