PAC 1+9

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For those members of the flock that are hard-of-thinking, the foregoing picture is a metaphor for last Saturday’s “showdowns,” which turned out to be beatdowns, but provided the home teams fan base with a great chance to drink excessively. 

SNL recently posted on the “Flori-Bama”.  This quasi-clever moniker (which is also the name of a world famous bar on the state line) is SNL’s way of saying that Florida and Alabama are equal but opposite reciprocals of one another, and on a collision course for ATL and in turn, the BCSNCG. 

For the most part, the similarities were obvious before last week, when both Alabama and Florida shut down top-20 teams on the road in the most pugilistic of ways, stifling defenses and plodding, conservative offenses with a run-first philosophy.  Sure there are other similarities; both programs are helmed by taciturn, tight-lipped, control freaks who lord over their respective programs (and states for that matter) like medieval warlords and both fan bases are beyond fervent.  For the most erudite Florida fans, the fact that the Gators under Pope Meyer are a single-wing, power running team (and have been for awhile now) that is thinly camouflaged by offensive sets with wide receivers running thither and yon, is not only no surprise, but is welcomed. 

For many, however, this concept is upsetting.  This is particularly true amongst those who still recall with giddy reverie the days when the OBC would fill the air with footballs.  Be that as it may, SNL has accepted if nt embraced the fact that Meyer’s Gators are and will likely remain a team created in ‘Bama’s image-which is a good thing.  And, when these titans meet in the ATL this year, the collision will be epic-though the scoreboard may not reflect the genius of the respective generals on each sideline. 

SNL’s prescience has lost some of its shine now that the mainstream heads at si.com and E-SPIN have jumped on the bandwagon, but we will continue to site to our previous post as evidence that we were way out in front of this story. 

Well, flock, the parallels between the SEC behemoths continues this week when Alabama hosts USC and Florida hosts Arkansas.  For the records, Vegas has made ‘Bama a mere 17-point favorite over USC, and Florida a whopping 24-point favorite over the Hawgs.  The camps of both underdogs are predictably mum on the chances for an upset, and who can blame them.  More on the actual matchups later, let’s do some housekeeping. 

Last week, 7-4 ATS, 18-13 YTD.  By now, most teams are who we thought they were, and the wins are starting to come at a pace which will have the wifey in some new jewelry at season’s end.  SNL’s winning percentage in year’s past has been roughly 57% in weeks 1 through 5, and 67% in weeks 5 through 14.  Se we expect to keep on rolling.

Dis and Dat….The wheels remain intact in Athens, but barely.  Too bad because even the most calloused Gator fan can see that Richt is a good Coach and a better person.  Still, the fratricide of the SEC is unrelenting and losing to Layla Kiffin’s husband will fire up any fan base because, well, that guy’s a total jackass.  Speaking of wheels, another tough week for the ‘Noles, losing at home to Tech having been compounded by the details of the cheating schedule.  Far be it for SNL to pile on, but if you’re going to give scholarships to players who read a second-grade level (after a few years of “college” no less), you should have the common decency to be a good football team.  On the upside, by virtue of consistently sucking for 5-years or so, no one is saying that the “wheels are coming off” in Tallahassee, that ship has sailed. 

Erstwhile…Da’ U will be without 4 starters when it visits UCF tomorrow, which won’t matter, and USFwas rolled at home by Cincinnati, a fact which is further illustrative of FSU’s precipitous fall from grace since, you know, the Bulls crushed the ‘Noles in Doak with a Backup QB a few weeks back.  Finally, this is a grand week for all of CFB.  Why?  Because Notre Damehas to play USC, which will effectively foreclose any more talk of the Clausen-for-heisman, a loss for the limousine industry, but a win for Irish-haters everywhere.  The downside, of course, is the inevitable “USC is playing as well as anyone in the country right now,”  which will be a talking point for all of the frosted tipped fellows at E-SPIN. 

Picks out tomorrow…

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: ATS, Degenerate Gambler, DEGENERATES, Layla Kiffin, Noles, PAC 1+9, SEC, Spurrier, The Hat, UGA, Urban Meyer, USC

vt_middle_finger_kid_stands

Da’ “Powder Blue” U is frustratingly close to covering in this game….missed FG’s by both teams and an broken play have been the difference thus far.  GTU just picked off a crappily thrown ball, so 6-5 (9-5 unofficially) here we come.  Let’s get up off the mat…

Da’U (-3) at VTU: Regulars know SNL hates road chalk.   He also hates Da’U and is on record as saying he will vote for any political candidate willing to pull all troops from the Middle East and invade South Florida.  The sad truth is that this would only drive the hoodrats farther north. 

That said CFB investing is an endeavor which precludes emoting, and D’U is clearly the better team here.  Better on offense, better on defense.  In fact, Da’U is so statistically dominant that the line smacks of “trap.”  To make matters worse, Vincenzo is a Tech fan and every Tuesday, win or lose, SNL has to meet Vincenzo and his entourage of corpulent Italian “friends” in the back of Sal’s Fine Italian Eatery  to either pay or get paid.  So profiting from a V.Tech loss will not be well received.  Irrespective, ‘Canes roll and SNL rolls with them.  Da’U -3.

Cal (-6) v. Oregon:  The second road doggie of the day.  Why is this line so low?   Because Oregon sucks that bad and Cal plays the Men of Troy next week.  The classic look-ahead game, but Cal has the best running back in CFB and Oregon’s QB is…well….fat.  SNL realizes this is an impolitic characterization, but see above about emoting.  Cal -6

Col. St. (+19) at the Mormons:  SNL is officially off the Mormon bandwagon after last week’s shellacking to the Noles (who are this week getting shellacked by a Grothe-less USF).  Just so we’re clear, SNL is still a fan of polygamy-on paper at least.  Colo. St. is 3-0 and has a nice offense.  SNL expects the Rams to get outscored, but not by 19.  Colo. St. +19.

Washington (+9) v. Stanford:  No love for Kiffin’s successful half-brother, the Sark, or Jake Locker.  The U-dub brand just isn’t what it used to be.  By the point to get the touchdown and a field goal on this one. 

UNC has scored!!!  Down 17 and running the 2-minute offense, which is what the flat-earthers in Knoxville call “magic.”  Maybe….nahh…..

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: Da' U, Degenerate Gamblers, DEGENERATES, PAC 1+9, SEC

The pic is a gratuitous plug for hits, Layla can put fannies in the seats flock, and that’s a fact. 

After further review (wife is busy prepping for a baby shower), SNL is adding the following:

Iowa v. ‘Zona (o40.5)

Washington (+20)

So. Miss (-13.5)

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: BIG 10, Degenerate Gambler, Layla Kiffin, PAC 1+9, Sarkisian

Boise St., in its last purported “test” of the season, wone a shootout over San Quentin…err….Fresno St. last night.  This was the second and ,presumably,  last opportunity for Boise to impress, and they failed.   As it stands, Boise will finish undefeated with a resume that will include a 19-8 win over an Oregon team that appears much worse than advertised (and should have lost to Purdue last week).

Make no mistake, Boise is good, capable of beating a handful of BCS heavyweights in a bowl game, provided the that the heavyweight in question is disinterested due to narrowly losing its conference Championship and thereby missing an opportunity to play in the BCSCG a la Alabama last year.

That said Boise is not a team that would be capable of winning the SEC, Big 12, Pac-10, and would struggle to win the ACC, particularly with a resurgent Miami to go with V. Tech.  Last night it was plain to see that there was an overall lack of power and speed, particularly on the defensive side of the ball, which in SNL’s opinion, makes Boise a de facto non-contender for the BCSG under any circumstance-with the possible exception of a host of 2-loss teams from the power conferences. 

Moving on…

Today, flock, is the day of the “dog,” and you heard it from SNL first. 

FSU @ BYU (-7.5):  This game calls for some imagery, so here goes:  FSU’s players arrive on campus hoping to one day “make it rain” with crazy NFL loot  a la such luminaries as Pac-Man Jones, Travis Henry, and Nelly.  BYU’s choir boys, conversely, arrive on Campus ready to serve a power higher than the NFL (we hope), and hope to one day earn enough money to support their large families because, you know, the whole birth control thing.  As far as football goes, FSU needs this win in the most horrible of ways, having been surpassed by Miami and nearly losing to Jacksonville St.  For BYU, beating FSU is like scoring a date with Goldie Hawn, you get the name recognition, but she’s just not that hot anymore.  In the end, however, a date with Goldie will still bolster your rep with the fellas.  BYU exploits the Noles young defense and covers easy.

Tennessee (+30) @ Florida.  SNL is a Gator fan, bleeds Orange and Blue and etc…  You should also know that the Gainesville Sun published an innocuous piec on Layla Kiffin, laying out Layla’s history as a UF grad, daughter of ex-UF QB, John Reeves, and most importantly, a former member of Zeta Tau Alpha Sorority, or the Zeta’s.  SNL spent some time in UF’s Greek System, the majority of which he doesn’t recall.  Suffice it to say that it’s more or less a bunch of rich kids fornicating and spending their parents money on booze, pills, road trips, with a (sanctimonious)semesterly charity function thrown in to throw the “rents” off the scent.  SNL has scooped a number of Zetas off the floor of local pubs over the years but by and large, they are a classy and hot bunch, so good for the Kiffins!

Oh yeah, back to the game.  UT has a good defense-probably the third best unit in the league, and a legendary coordinator to harness the talent.  SNL also explained in a previous post why the Vols and their suddenly beleaguered Coaches are backed into a corner.  In sum, the Vols D will slow down the Gators-a little-and cover this number.  For perspective, you should know that Joe “Grand” Pa’s Nittany Lions are a 30-point favorite over Temple.  Florida wins easy, but still doesn’t cover this number, 38-13 Gators. 

Toledo (+21) v. Ohio St.:  Regular readers know that SNL loves hangovers, when someone else has them; loves them even more when its the Buckeyes who are hungover.  Toledo, fresh off a beatdown of Colorado, rides their offense to a nice cover here.  You folks already playing with house money may want to moneyline this, after all, The Vest is still calling the plays.

Miss St. (+9.5) at Vandy:  Mullen has installed Florida’s offense with some success, at least in a relative sense.  And Vandy, is still Vandy, smart and undistracted by the hot co-eds at the other SEC institutions.  Bye the bye, Vandy also still believes the forward pass is what you do at a cocktail party.  Another salient point, Mullen’s boys know its Vandy too, and realisticall, the only league game they have a shot at.  MSU +9.

There’s your trifecta flock.  Enjoy. 

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: ATS, BCS, Degenerate Gambler, Gators, Layla Kiffin, Noles, PAC 1+9, the Vest, Vols

  As SNL blogs, The Vest has unleashed the hounds, and finds the “good-against-everyone-who-is-not-good” Buckeyes positioned to vanquish the Men of Troy.  Which, considering UCLA’s win over Kiffin’s Vols, is a good thing for all PAC 1+9 haters, present company included.  The game has been a bit like Rocky III, where Stallone is clubbed like a baby seal by Clubber Lang (Mr. T) in the beginning, and preps for a rematch for about 2 horribly acted hours.  During the rematch, Rocky is getting beat down by Clubber again but, thanks to Apollo Creed’s superb conditioning program (and a healthy dose of steroids), Stallone is capable of tasking Clubber’s best punches and after a few rounds, says “you ain’t so bad!”, smiling all the while.  OSU gave up a quick pick and went down by y but, like the diminutive Stallone, has risen to the task, and leads by 5 midway through the 4th.

Now, what we’ve learned in week 2…

SNL is going 2-1 today, with a chance to break the bank if Spurrier’s Cocks can pull this out-played with the moneyline.  Georgia survives, the moneyline is over…que lastima.  Elsewhere…Okie St. is not ready to run with the Big Dogs…Notre Dameis still slow on defense and aside from Da’ U, the easiest team to hate in CFB-seriously, how can you not dislike Clausen and his unwarranted smugness?  North Carolina is horrible, even in victory.  In general, the ACC is just abysmal this year, the Noles nearly lost to Jackson St., and SNL will be looking strongly at next week’s showdown with the Mormons-who don’t drink but still have lots of kids-who’d have thought?  LSU, who was out-gained by Washington last week by almost 250 yards, is struggling with Vandy.  While amusing, this is further evidence that Florida must run the table this year to ensure a spot in the BCSNCG. 

Finally, Kiffin’s Volshave a bit of a problem, it’s name is Crompton.  Thanks UT for ruining next week’s game with Meyer’s mercenaries-who were methodic in their destruction of Troy today-and eroding the conference’s image while you were at it.  Which is further prrof that Kiffin should leave coaching to do what any self-respecting man in his position would do, live off the modeling proceeds of his preposterously hot wife.   There will still be some satisfaction in watching Kiffin receive Urban’s “thanks” for his ill advised taunts.  He might not get a horse head in his bed, but he can count on a late timeout to ensure that UF sticks in a final TD to increase the MOV to something in the 5 touchdown range.  Enjoy your time in The Swamp, Nu’Keese!

Also, not much of a West Coast guy, but SNL would be remiss were he to fail to point out how much Colorado sucks…seriously, Hawkins, in addition to sucking, is easier to dislike than the herp, and you know it’s true. 

Coming Soon…

Why Tebow isTebow…

The Rise of the Mormons…

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: ATS, BCS, Degenerate Gambler, PAC 1+9, Vols

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