PAC 1+9

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A flock member recently asked SNL “who his blog was intended for.”  This innocuous query came after reviewing a particularly profane comment from an aggrieved felon..errr…fan of Da’ U.  Naturally, the comment was replete with typos and misspellings-even the dirty words-so the authenticity of the fan’s allegiance was not in doubt (sorry, Chet, it’s the other fans of Da’ U that SNL is dissing).  I managed to track the guy down using his e-mail and found him on Twittter.  His “tweeting” mugshot revealed that he had frosted tips, which is the genesis of this post.

So, after some rumination, SNL has come up with some general rules to determine who this blog is NOT intended for:

1.  Men with frosted tips-sorry Beau, Lance or whatever your name may be.  Frosting your tips is an automatic bar to societal acceptance, even if it does score points with drunk sorority floozies.  This guy below got his tips frosted as a Valentine’s day present for his girlfriend-allegedly.  Seriously, frosted tips warrant an a**-kicking on principal.

  2.  “I-post-mopey-messages-on-Facebook” Guy-this kills me.  Seriously, who in the hell cares if you’re depressed, or “having the worst day of your pathetic life”?  Publicly emoting via the internet is beyond any bounds of manhood.  You’re so pathetic Frosted-tip-guy could kick your ass and you’re not welcome here.

3.  “Rides-behind-his-roomie-on-Scooter” guy-See above and look out for Frosty, who could whip your ass too.  Seriously, dude on dude + a scooter?  What does this say about you (not that there’s anything wrong with it)?

4.  “Uses-fender-bender-insurance-money-for-an-Xbox” guy.  This guy really pisses me off because, in the words of Dean Wormser, “[f]at, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life.”  Also, I invariably find myself behind this guy in traffic and he’s using hand signals and has a Graafix sticker on his windshield, which is infuriating for no reason other than the fact that it is..  

There are some others that time prevents me from expounding on, such as wallet-chained-to-pants-guy, which cracks me up because we all know that this security precaution/fashion statement, which is usually compolimented by a pony tail and a leather vest essentially guarantees that you don’t have a damn thing in that wallet that anyone wants.  

Moving along…

Cruising last night on my unofficial pcik only to watch G. Tech choke up a 24-point lead and then add further insult by pulling out the victory.  Not sure what this game said about either club in the larger picture, but the Jackets’ D-line seems to have fallen off a bit.  Spiller should have went to Florida, where he’d be a Heisman and 2 NC’s up on his current position as “really-fast-dude-0n-crappy-team.” 

The Picks:

USC (+7) at UGA:  Word in Athens is that there’s significant angst over Cox and that the freshman back-up, who’s an “athletic” QB, could see significant playing time.  In addition, UGA’s schedule is murderous, so the pressure to win is monumental.  Erstwhile, in Carolina, the OBC is ripping off his one-liners, like “[w]ell, we won, so we’re not as bad off as the teams that lost.”  Hardly bulletin board material, but still feel like the OBC can cover the generous points here. 

Freson St. (+9) at Wisonsin:  This pick is more of an indictment of Wisconsin than an endorsement of Fresno.  Seriously, Wisconsin stinks and the girls that reside there are largely corpulent, which is further reason for SNL’s disdain.   The more adventurous among you may want to allocate some funds to the moneyline here.

UT (-9.5) v. UCLA:  The flock knows that SNL hates the baby bears and their smug Coach.  He also hates some Vols and their smug Coach.  But money always trumps hatred, and SNL likes this Vols club-alot.  The cupboard was stocked when Kiifin rolled in and his staff is phenomenal, as is his wife.  Vols in a rout. 

That’s all folks….2-1 on the year and looking to take the wife on a cruise in November, courtesy of Vinnie.

Coming Soon…

The Legend of Tebow…

LSU’s woes…

Touchdown Jesus’ Resurrection…

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

 

 

Tags: ACC, ATS, Da' U, Degenerate Gambler, PAC 1+9, Vols

  Scroll to the :55 mark and you can see the straight right to the mouthy Boise St. player.  Naturally, this sort of thing cannot be condoned-especially when the right hand was delivered backing away, which any MMA guy will tell you makes the blow more of b**** slap than a punch.  Even so, when SNL looks at Boise’s remaining schedule and considers how all of the E-SPIN heads are going talk about Boise’s right to play in BCBS, he too feels like punching a Bronco player.

Depending on where you sit-geographically-last night’s Boise-Oregon tilt can be interpreted as a referendum of Boise’s continued ascendancy to CFB’s elite, or the impotence of every PAC-10 team outside of Poodle Pete’s wrecking crew.  Whether rooted in fact or fiction, the fact of the matter is that the PAC-10 had yet another chance to embed a second team into the national psyche and failed to do-and quite miserably at that.  Oregon was never in this game and looked less physical and slower than the smurf-turf boys from Boise.  And, while there is no doubt Boise is a top-25 program, they really cannot be considered an elite program until they play an elite schedule, i.e. a schedule with 4 or 5 top-20 teams.  So for now, the PAC 10 remains the PAC 1+9 and what’s worse-for Duck fans anyway-is that Oregon maybe this year’s Michigan.

If there’s an upside for the PAC 1+9, it has to be the continued impotence of Spurrier’s Cocks (enjoy the admittedly sophomoric play on words, Pierce), who used short field to score there only touchdown in the 1st Quarter and hung on to win 7-3.  Using the sitcom baromerter, Oregon’s pathetic showing was Everybody Loves Raymond as compared to USC/NCST’s Two and a Half Men.

Seriously, SNL was ready to extract his own tooth by halftime, and midway  through the third, was looking for his son’s Finding Nemo video to dull the pain.  Having grown up as a veritable witness of Spurrier’s “offensive genius,” SNL is greatly pained by the slow, tortuous demise of Spurrier’s offense and his aura.  Truth be told, watching USC is like watching an ex-girlfriend that dumped you unexpectedly get fat.  However, because you are now with the hottest girl in town, you wish the ex well and thus do not get the smug satisfaction you would otherwise have.  About the only plus for SEC homers is that the conference is 1-0, albeit in a way that feels a lot like o-1. 

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: PAC 1+9, PAC 10, SEC, Spurrier

3-2 last week, pushing the overall ATS record to 10 games over .500.  Not good enough to guarantee the wife a pair of those f***ing diamond earring that keep “popping up” in her f***ing Madamoiselle and Vogue mags, but good enough to keep vig off my tuckas.
First last night’s highlight reel-don’t worry its onle a few secs in duration.  The remainder of the game was about like watching unattractive drunk chicks fistfight at Mango’s-which is a metaphor for abject offensive futility without the potential for hot girls topless. 

 
The trouble with this week is that its quiet.  No viable upsets on the horizon and no marquee games betwwen ranked opponents.  Come to think of it, this whole weekend is likely to be like watching drunk chicks fight.  Even so, SNL never met a CFB board that didn’t present opportunities to make a return on equity, even though he has and does often miss the “opportunities.”  Moving on…
Wake Forest v. NCSU (+3.5/42):  Riley Skinner, Wake’s Senior QB, is more or less competent, and at times, even skilled in the passing game.  NCSU, has become a balanced club and continues to improve, beating Duke on the road last week after narrowly losing to Maryland and Florida State during the preceding 2 weeks.  SNL likes the evenly matched clubs here to score more than 42 points, but not much more.  Warning:  This game, like every ACC game, would be better if viewed via time-lapse videography. 
Vandy at Kentucky (-4):  Kentucky reminds me of a neighborhood kid that SNL often beat upon, we’ll call him Chip.   Chip was irritating.  Chip was loud.  Chip was stupid.  Chip was also the eighth kid-which meant we needed Chip for 4 on 4 basketball and football games-so we couldn’t get rid of him.  Chip also was tenacious-so tenacious, in fact, that you often tired of beating him before he gave up, and he would get in a blow or 2 toward the end. 
Vandy is like a girl that lived next door to SNL during his elementary days, we’ll call her Mary.  Mary couldn’t throw.  Mary couldn’t run. 
Since Chip could have whipped Mary, Kentucky will whip Vandy.  Brilliant!! Give the points.
Texas (-13/67o) at Kansas:  Poor Texas. The Horns hooked their way past the Sooners but seem to be the odd man out in the silly-strong Big 12 South irrespective of the outcome of the T/’OU game next week.  This probably pisses Texas off-alot.  Mangina (this is a pun on the word angina perverts) will stroke- out after the ‘Horns hang 50+ on the Jayhawks.  Take UT and the Over-it will be delicious.
Cal v. Oregon St. (-3):  Still waiting for the dream matchup of the Beavers and ‘Cocks in a bowl game, but SNL digresses.  SNL hates USC.  Why is this relevant?  Because the Beavers kicked the crap out of the Trojans and Cal just got manhandled.  So the Beavers did SNL a solid wherease the so-called Golden Bears just threw a log on the “USC-is-the-best-team-at-the-end-of-the-year” fire. 
USC continues to greedily stockpile blue-chippers, but remains the 6th best team in CFB-on a good day.  The Beavers do me another solid and thump Cal as repayment for their weakness and to further lowes SC’s SOS.  Beavers score early and often!
-So Sayeth the Shepherd 

Tags: ACC, PAC 1+9, SEC, USC

  How great is this?

The Gator-Nation is obviously bored, its primary league rivals have been vanquished in shocking fashion and (as predicted by SNL) the national media has begun hyping Florida as the “best 1-loss team in the Country.” 

Looking toward Saturday’s contest against Vandy (who lost to Duke) provides little excitement for a fan base crashing from the endorphin-laced crushing of UGA.  Sure, the Gators will rally somewhat when the Cocks and the OBC roll into town, and put their game faces on when they go on the road to face the ‘Noles, but today, the Gators are spent.

The local airwaves continue to be rife with BCS permutations that place Florida in the BCS title game, which under normal circumstances would have SNL worrying incessantly about Florida looking past this week’s opponent, but that’s not going to happen when, as stated above, this week’s opponenent managed only 7 points in its recent loss at home to Duke. 

SNL has therefore opted to avail itself of the wistful winds that are blowing through Gator Country this week and somehow wound up wondering what if?  What if Urban wins his second BCS title in 4 years?  What if Tebow returns next year?  What if Florida is preseason #1 next year?  What about the year after that?

This line of thinking inevitably segued into a debate with a colleague and Notre Dame homer, who maintains that Florida remains a “regional team,” with little appeal nationally and a fairly limited sphere of longitudinal relevance. 

After some back and forth, I undermined this argument to my satisfaction, but feel that further explanation is warranted to preemptively combat this situation before it beomes a full blown pandemic. 

First, the so-called “national teams,”  which traditionally include USC, Notre Dame, Michigan, Ohio State, and to a lesser extent, Alabama, Texas, Oklahoma, and Penn State, earned this distinction primarily in the 60’s and 70’s.  Naturally, this group benefitted greatly from large fan bases which, coupled with television and lack of paradoy, gave them greater exposure than many southern schools, including Florida.  In the 70’s it was not uncommon for a fan living in the south to see Notre Dame on television 4 times in a season, but see Florida, Georgia, or LSU only once or twice. 

That said CFB has since morphed into a multi-billion dollar business, and college football games are televised 5 days per week and available on every major and cable network all day Saturday.  An indisputable corrolary to this is that recruiting is also a multi-million dollar business that takes place on a national scale, at least for the major programs.  What this translates into is choices for those fans who enter the CFB world as ”undecided voters.” 

The conclusion, which is likely to invite the ire of traditionalists like Beano Cook, is that the resume necessary to be considered a “national team” is drastically different than it was 35 years ago.  Sure, winning and losing remain constants, but rivalries and conference strength, which translate into more and higher profile photo ops for the best of the best, are equally important.  National titles are also important, but not as important as consistently receiving an invite to a BCS bowl. 

Whatever the criterium, the notion that only those teams who were considered “national powers” in 1975 are somehow legacies that remain the only members of this “national” fraternity is fatuous at best.  Today, there exists a fluidity to college football that was not present 30 years ago.  The vast amount of television exposure is such that the new CFB paradigm contemplates ascension to and descension from the so-called “national teams” based on a 5-year span of dominance or incompetence. 

Tennessee, which won the BCS in 1998,  is a prime example of this.  So are USC and Oklahoma, who re-entered the national consciousness after falling from grace in the 90’s.  Da’ U, who is all but entirely irrelevant after dominating the 90’s, is another example. 

For its part, Florida sits on the cusp of an SEC title, which would be its 8th since 1991, a possible NC, which would be its second in 4 years and 3rd in 11 years, and oh yeah, is poised to enter the preseason next year as one of the top-2 teams.  By any standards, this resume makes Florida a “national team.”  And, should Florida win the SEC, BCS, and enter next year as pre-season #1, it should and will be argued that Florida has become what USC was a few short years ago, the most dominant program in college football.

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: BCS, BIG 10, PAC 1+9, Pope Urban, SEC

“I have a high art, I hurt with cruelty those who would damage me.”

-Saturday Nite  Lights, 2006 A.D.

 Not a ton of news today-Gville remains peculiarly quite on the eve of homecoming, but SNL suspects things will be picking up soon.  In any event, there remains a strong belief that Florida will route UK, both in Gville and Vegas, where the oddsmakers have installed Florida as 24.5-point favorites.

Speaking of things amoral, vacuous, and otherwise irredeemable, SNL’s investment recommendations last week faired only slightly better than the investment houses that bet heavily on subprime mortgages.  Not to worry, SNL will simply ask the feds to bail him out, its the American Way!

With an ATS record of .500, SNL has been dubbed “Even Stephen” by the grinning local Vig.  The reason for the grinning, naturally, is because .500 means “juice” in Vegas parlance, or 10% to the unemployed eye-talian SNL “invests” with.  Like the executives at Lehman, SNL plans on resurfacing this week at an investment firm near you with renewed (but unsubstantiated) belief that he will soon be shopping for Rolexes courtesy of Vegas….

Early Leans….

Auburn v. WVU (-3):  Auburn, recently defrocked by the voters, visits one of the four “redneck cradles of civilization” for a Thursday night game.  Auburn’s defense is still solid and irrational though it may be, the SEC “don’t take kindly to strangers.”  Ask Obama, who was pulled over in MS for a broken taillight.  Leaning towards a spirited Auburn group here.

Boston College at UNC (-3):  Starting to believe that BC is Top-25 material.  Good defense, decent QB, and student fan base every bit as drunk and stupid as your regular student fan base, with one-third less attractive girls.  UNC injuries should help.

Texas Tech (+2) at Kansas:  There must be millions of clever ways to dispel the fatuous notion that TT is a top-10 team.  SNL can’t think of any, so an ass-kicking by Kansas will have to do. 

Okie State v. UT (-13):  Doesn’t the law of averages mandate that someone cover the spread against UT?  Why not Okie State, they are, after all, coached by a man, who is over 40.  In waht must be characterized as the very embodiment of “gambling,” leaning towards the Cowboys. 

Georgia v. LSU:  This game is more notable for the quandary it presents Gator backers with than anything else.  Georgia win sends Gameday to Jax and likely gets the Gators attention.  An LSU win helps SOS but likely makes Georgia a sizeable underdog next week.  That said Georgia pisses SNL off.  Knowshon, Stafford, and Green are all elite players, but Georgia can’t put anyone away and LSU is still a bellicose group-especially after being emasculated in Gainesville.  SNL likes the short number here for the Tigers.

Colorado (+21.5) at Mizzou:  Lotta points for a dispirited group collecting the pieces of their shattered ambitions.  Hmmm…..

Elsewhere…

The BCS computers like the SEC…SNL, much to the chagrin of his scientist father, will not bore you with the crushingly oppressive  mathematics, but the suffice it to say that the computers have the SEC ranked lightly ahead of the Big 12 at this point.  Here’s the “BCS Computers for Dummies” version…

The “z-score” is a composite of the 6  computers used to rank the conferences as a whole.  The computers exist inedependent of one another and use largely the same criteria albeit with different weights assigned to certain variables. 

The average of these 6 z-scores is:

SEC: 1.138
Big 12: 1.127
ACC: 0.804
Big 10: 0.776

Big East: 0.328
PAC 10: 0.277
MWC: 0.122

WAC: -0.605

MAC: -1.127
C-USA: -1.235
Sun Belt: -1.605

One would think that even the most rudimentary of computers would have the MWC above the PAC-10 by virtue of the fact that the MWC is 5-0 v. the PAC-10.  Just be happy SEC is where it should be, #1.

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: ACC, ATS, Big 12, PAC 1+9, SEC

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