PAC 1+9

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THURSDAY NITE LIGHTS: PICKS ATS (14-11-1 ytd)

October 2, 2008 in ATS, Degenerate Gamblers, Fans, Joe Pa', PAC 1 + 9, PAC 10 | No comments

  SNL has never been to Memphis.  There’s a reason for this-SNL knows people who have and they have uniformly advised that the trip was harrowing, to say the least.  That said, SNL, thanks to Memphis’ Final 4 run in hoops, was able to secure an image of a Memphis cheerleader which saved all of you from a picture of a sweaty Derrick Rose atop this post. 

In any event-Its Thursday night, a time for degenerates everywhere to embrace one another in one of those uncomfortable “man hugs” in anticipation of another week of college football.  So let’s get going….  

For most of you, USF v. Pitt and to a lesser extent, OSU v. Utah, will be the resting place for  your investment of your wife’s “rainy day” fund which, SNL knows,you intend to repay after you win back last week’s losses on tonight’s games.  SNL will offer some insight into these games, but must first chide you for failing to identify the most lucrative investment vehicle on the board tonight-the Memphis Tigers.

Memphis (-3/57o) at UAB:  For starters, you should know that Memphis averages right at 500 yards per game on offense, and throws and runs with equal aplomb.  In their 3 losses, the Tigers outgained Ole Miss Marshall and Rice respectively, but were undone by turnovers and red zone miscues.  The “scouting report for dummies,” therefore, is that Memphis is a very capable offensive club with an average (by Conference USA standards) defense. 

UAB, conversely, is a team that has lived up to its billing, which is not a good thing.  Sure, UAB can spread the field and throw the ball with some consistency and should be able to score against this Memphis D-but also fields one of the worst defenses in college football.  SNL therefore likes Memphis to cover this small number and, while your busy spending your child’s college fund, may as well hit the over too-plenty of passing and scoring in this one.  

Oregon St. (+11.5/53o) at Utah:    Oregon St., like the bartender you keep overtipping but won’t ask out, remains an enigma.  Go ahead, make your sophomoric joke about the fact that this team is confusing and has the “Beaver” as its mascot so we can move on.  What you should know is that irrespective of which hat the enigmatic Beavers wear, they are pretty consistent on offense.  The Beavers outgained the Cardinals by 200 yards in a loss, and mustered a respectable 350 yards on PSU. 

The Utes can also play and field a very good run defense.  However, the Utes have struggled with teams that can pass and surrendered 300+ yards to Weber St.  While the Utes will score enough to get the W, SNL’s gut says that OSU more closely resembles the team that beat the priapically obsessed Trojans than the one the lost to Joe Pa’ and therefore likes OSU to play within this generous number. 

For those of you who are determined to put some “action” on the USF game so you can chew the inside of your lip while you look over your girl’s shoulder at Chili’s tonight, que lastima.  SNL canot find an angle on this game worth stealing additional money from his wife’s E-Bay account.  Pittsburgh is schizophroenic, but remains very much the same team that was ranked in the top-20 to start the season and was a vogue pick to challenge for the Big East Crown.  Pitt has, however, lost to a Bowling Green club that it dominated statistically, and beat by 1 an Iowa club that dominated Pitt statistically.  Pitt also went down 14-3 to the ‘Cuse last week before pulling away in the second half.  So, do what you will with this one.  Seems like a generous number and there should be some offensive fireworks in this one too.  Still, no play for SNL.

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

 

tertainment standpoint, tonight’s card is about as good as a mid-season Thursday tilt can get.  As the more astute among you have doubtless deduced, Derrick Rose of Memphis is pictured above.  Why?  Because there are no images of Memphis’ football team available on the web.

Tags: ATS, Degenerate Gamblers, PAC 1+9, Vegas

THE FALL OF TROY

September 26, 2008 in Fans, Main Content, PAC 1 + 9, PAC 10, SEC | No comments

  USC has done “it” again.  The obvious “it” is going into a PAC-10 game against a vastly inferior opponent and, against all odds, walked out the loser.  In fact, this is 3 years in a row that USC has lost to a 3 touchdown underdog.  The most infuriating aspect of what must now be considered a “trend,” is that the national pundits will again give USC a hall pass based on the number of 5-star recruits on the roster and the “eye test” which confirms that the Trojans are stocked with future professional rasslers’.

The primary difference between last night’s horrible defeat and those in seasons past, is that the Beavers manhandled USC for the entire first half.  There were no turnovers of “swing plays” outside of McKnight’s fumble, which was brought about by a furious up-field rush from the Beaver’s front 7, and USC was simply outmuscled.  In addition, USC’s “pro style” offense was unimaginative and predictable, as evidenced by the Beaver defenders, who were positioned for success throughout the game.  Non-believers you can check the stats:

Team Stat Comparison
 
1st Downs 16 22
3rd down efficiency
 2-10 7-16
4th down efficiency
 1-1 0-0
Total Yards 313 343
Passing 227 167
Comp-Att
 18-29 18-28
Yards per pass
 7.8 6.0
Rushing 86 176
Rushing Attempts
 22 45
Yards per rush
 3.9 3.9
Penalties 7-84 5-27
Turnovers 2 0
Fumbles lost
 1 0
Interceptions thrown
 1 0
Possession 25:10 34:50

For the PAC-10 apologist, who can be expected to ramp up the cries of  “how come when the SEC loses in conference, its fratricide, when USC loses to another PAC-10 club, its considered an upset?”  SNL could spend hours enumerating the reasons for this canon, but in the end, the loosely woven litany of reasons leads to one conclusion:  The PAC-10 is not very good from top to bottom, and this year, its downright horrible. 

In fact, for the USC apologist looking to blame something for last night’s humbling defeat, the PAC-10’s lack of competition for the muscle-bound Trojans is as good a culprit as any. In other words, the ferocity of the SEC makes each game so important because W’s against even the middle of the pack teams, such as Ole Miss, South Carolina, Kentucky, and Vandy take on added importance because the heavyweights know that looming on the horizon is a group of contenders with bad intentions, which include Florida, Georgia, LSU, Auburn, and Alabama (and in year’s past, Tennessee).

By analogy, USC is the super handsome guy next to you wo doesn’t try that hard to impress girls that are 5 on a 10 scale-he doesn’t have to.  One look and they are his for the taking.  In the context of the PAC-10, USC is the only guy with any charisma at all.  He gets gets all the girls, wins all the awards and does it all without trying.   So how prepared can one reasonably expect USC to be when it goes on the road to play a team that lost to Stanford and was blown out by Joe Pa’s band of hardened criminals?  Let SNL help-not very.

SNL has been preaching without fanfare the folly of placing USC in the title game after the blowout wins against Virginia (who is a 7-point underdog at Duke this weekend) and Ohio St., who SNL expects to lose at least 2 more games.  Today, these assertions seem more relevant than ever.  The greater issue, however, is whether the CFB collective will accept that USC’s veneer of invincibility has thinned to the point that it is no longer entitled to the “benefit of the doubt” when it comes time to go bowling.  So, let’s not call last night’s loss an aberration, becasue it isn’t-the Trojans are and have been overrated for several years now. 

For the rest of today, we can all enjoy the CFB world falling all over itself to explain the Trojans’ latest inexcusable defeat.  As the season wears on and it becomes evident that USC will again carry the PAC-10, the mouths at E-SPIN will reconstitute in unison their now annual chants of “USC is playing better than anyone in the country right now” (see Dr. Saturday’s post for more on this) which, at the end of the day, doesn’t and shouldn’t matter because unlike the Buckeyes, who have trouble in primetime, USC can’t handle being the matinee, which is a must for those who aspire to be champions. 

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Picture via Dr. Saturday via Ghetty Images

Tags: E-SPIN, Men of Troy, PAC 1+9, SEC

ALABAMA V. GEORGIA: SEC GAME OF THE YEAR OF THE WEEK

September 24, 2008 in Main Content, PAC 1 + 9, SEC, SEC Fans | No comments

Embedded is the Youtube video that is currently the #1 show in Athens.  In Short, “Bama Strength Coach, Cochran, is firing up his troops by…err…..ridiculing the Dawgs plans for a “blackout” this Saturday. Listen closely, the quote, which takes place 1:04, is something to the effect of “they (Georgia) should be wearing black, they’re going to a %*^ing funeral!”  The best part is the nonchalance following the slur as Coach Cochran returns to what SNL assumes is…coaching?

 

 SNL has previously and repeatedly maintained that a CFB constant is that the ‘Bama fans are without a doubt the most deluded, biased, obnoxious and altogether illogical group of fans in CFB.  This fact, which has been supported with empirical evidence gathered through years of longitudinal studies conducted by men in long white coats, was recently bolstered  when a ‘Bama fan threatened to murder SNL after a previous post.  For most non-’Bama fans, SNL assumes there is no need to point out the irony of death threats based on SNL’s opinion that ‘Bama fans are a bit much.

Irrespective, this video, which has a strange southern “plantation-esque” qualilty, especially when Massa’ Saban strides through practice in his Panama hat, is illustrative of just how grand the scope of major college football is in the south-where the populace is broke and the Head Coaches are multi-millionaires.  Change the colors of the helmets and jerseys, and you wouldn’t know this scene from the one in Athens, Gainesville, Baton Rouge, Auburn, Columbia, or Knoxville (maybe). 

All you need to know, however, is that this game will be one of many in the SEC over the next month that will provide more drama and violence than any 10 Pac 1 + 9 games combined-sorry hippies, thems’ the facts. 

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: Bama, PAC 1+9, Saban, SEC

THE CLOSE OF DISCOVERY: OPENING STATEMENTS BEGIN SATURDAY

September 24, 2008 in ACC, Main Content, PAC 1 + 9, SEC, Vols, scUM | No comments

Even a hack attorney thaqt graduated from anunaccredited MUNY night school knows that next to voire dire (picking a jury-see O.J. simpson murder trial for further prrof), tThe “discovery phase” of litigation is likely the most important compnent of a trial.  Discovery is governed by rules of procedure which SNL would explain further were there a way to accomplish this without boring you to tears-literally.  Suffice it to say that discovery is aninvestigative process which firms with alot of money can use to sift through endless reams of paper, depose witnesses, and basically over-investigate the merits of a claim brought by those attorneys who dare fight for the “little man.”  The “trial phase” comes at the close of the discovery and as all of you know, the verdict is not far behind. 

Well friends, after 4 weeks of CFB, discovery is closed and the trial is set to begin over the next 4 weeks or so-here’s what we’ve learned:

Houston Nutt has a good team that, like an otherwise attractive girl with an awful lisp or giant nose, just isn’t cute enough to introduce to your friends.  Last week, Ole’ Miss turned the ball over 6 teams en route to a home loss to Vandy-who incidentally, is now the hegemonic power in the state of Tennessee-despite outgaining the Commodores by 200 yards.  What we’ve learned during the discovery phase is that this club will be exciting, score some points, and allow even more.  Should be fun at The Swamp Saturday.

 Phillip Fulmer, cleverly dubbed “The Waist” in one UT publication (have been to Tennessee, this is clever in a relative sense), is now taking potshots at fans with the temerity to boo his bumbling troops at home games-see below.

“Because somebody boos in the stands doesn’t mean you don’t have the support,” Fulmer said. “That just means they’re passionate about what they do. They just want to win. Ninety-five percent of them probably never played football before, or maybe not played a sport. … I would have booed a couple things I saw out there if I’d have been in the stands.

SNL is often wrong, particularly on domestic matters, but this seems to be indictment of the athletic prowess of approximately 95,000 people by a very, very, portly man.  The debacle that is UT should reach a veritable frenzy of hillbilly venom after the Tigers of the Auburn Variety take out their frustrations on the rapidly sinking Vol-ship this Saturday.  What we’ve learned about UT is that this will get worse before it gets better and as SNL previously posted, is likely to end with Fulmer on a platter with an apple in his mouth.

In the words of SNL’s man Vinny, who decided not to gun SNL down outside a local bistro after his Hokies stuck it to the Heels, “LSU is freakin’ good.  They gonna’ kick the Gators ass.”  Dunno about that, but LSU is easily the most formidable team from a talent standpoint in the SEC.  Assuming their QB play continues to improve, it is tough to see them not representing the West this year.

 Nick Saban has inspired the locals to unprecedented heights by virtue of his teams 4-0 start.  As you can see, this is a “mixed-bag” at best.  SNL knows that most of you will view the unidentified man above as the embodiment of Ally-Bammy, which is rife with meth-labs, banjoes, and guns, and guess what-you’re right.  That said Darth Saban has given the most-delusional fans in the CFB world a viable reason to believe that thay are back where they belong.  The good news for visiting fans is that most of this guy’s friends watch the ‘Bama games on the “moving picture box.”

ELSEWHERE…Steve Spurrier has opened each offensive position to competition this week-and has purportedly extended an invite to tryout for the ‘Cocks to the students in the wake of last week’s 23-13 victory over Wofford…

West Virginia’s Board of Governors is already exploring the possibility of replacing Coach Stewie-at a cost of $4 million or so-no wonder this state is so poor…

The PAC 1+9 continued its race to the bottom of the CFB world as the only team of note (and SNL uses this term loosely) outside the City of Angels was throttled at home by the monsters of the Smurf-Turf, Boise St.  Look, SNL is willing to concede that conference supremacy is somewhat cyclical, but the PAC-1 is miserable this year.  E-SPIN’s Colin Cowherd attributes the PAC-10’s woes to the fact that its schools lie primarily in urban settings which results in less emphasis being placed on the University football teams.  There may be some merit to this, but it reminds of me somewhat of Dean Wormser’s admonition to Belushi in Animal House:  “Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life.”

Finally, the SEC has plated for your viewing pleasure the following Games of the Year over the coming weeks:

Sept. 27: Alabama at Georgia, Oct. 11: LSU at Florida, Oct. 25: Georgia at LSU, Nov. 1: Florida vs. Georgia in Jacksonville, Nov. 8: Alabama at LSU. 

SNL is admittedly, a bit of a homer, but the cannibalism in the league has reached new heights and there is no doubt that winning the SEC is more difficult than winning the national championship under the current system.

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: PAC 1+9, SEC

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