Saban

Gone from the headlines of the CFB world, for now anyway, are Georgia and Florida, and their respective superstars, Moreno, Stafford, Tebow and Harvin. 

Filling the void are the traditional, yet strangely new to the discussion, Tide and Lions, along with the usual suspects, Oklahoma, LSU, and to a lesser extent, Mizzou. 

One interesting and evolving theme in Gainesville is the parallels between these programs in the wake of Saturday’s surprising (according to the Vegas line anyway) losses.  Like embittered ex-girlfirends, many of the fans from each program have sought refuge from their own feelings of betrayal by reveling in the misery of “that other bitch!”   

It is axiomatic (that’s “self-evident” for those of you who are linguistically challenged) that this is a poorly premised and wholly subjective exercise. That said what the hell else are you going to write about if you are sitting in Gville or Athens in abject misery (like moi’) and besides, isn’t grieving itself a subjective process.  Poor Casey Anthony grieves the loss of her daughter at night clubs by taking ecstacy and giving lap dances to hoodlums, O.J. Simpson grieves the loss of his wife on golf courses and in casinos all over the world.  Who then, is SNL to critique this exercise?  No one. 

So, the lamentations of SNL will now be channeled in a way that makes this day seem a little better than it is, which is by demonstrating that it is still better to be a Florida Gator than a Georgia Bulldog for the following 5 reasons:

5.  Georgia was emasculated.  Watching UGA’s beatdown by Saban’s legions of doom was like watching Ike Turner with a date.  It was ugly early, often, and the ho’ had a busted nose before the close of the second quarter. 

Florida was leading at the half and, whether realistic or not, can blame turnovers for allowing the Rebs back into the game. In other words, there was plenty of mistakes, stupidity and incompetence displayed by the Gators, but nothing as painful as having your face beat-in and your date taken home by your assailant-which is precisely what Saban’s shock troops did in Athens.

4.  Georgia had farther to fall.  This reason has a literal conotation given Georgia’s ranking last week, which was higher than Florida’s.  However, this here is one of them double entendre thangamajigs-which is therapist lingo for a hidden meaning.  The fact is that Georgia whupped Florida last year, was preseason No.1, and ostensibly, had less questions coming into the year than the Gators.  Today, Florida’s chances against Georgia look much better than they did last week and quite frankly, its hard to tell which team is better at this point.

3.  “Knowshow” Moreno is injured and likely out for the UT game.  Conversely, Tebow and Harvin remain unscathed and incidentally, the only members of the Gator offense likely to catch, throw, or run in the coming weeks.  Seriously, Moreno may only be nicked, but injuries have a way of hanging around in the SEC.

2.  Georgia played in fron of a national audience in the biggest game of the week.  This doesn’t (and shouldn’t) matter now.  But, at some point the doofuses that vote each week will be looking rearward to remember who lost to who, and when, and they will recall that Florida, by virtue of some untimely ball-control issues,  lost at home by 1 to what will hopefully be an Ole Miss club with one more upset on its resume, and Georgia was eviscerated on national TV.  Tie goes to Gators.

1.  Florida gets to play this week.  For players and fans alike, sitting around for 2 weeks after an ego-crushing defeat provides little, if any, viable means of recovering from the loss-induced hangover.  This means an extra week of second-guessing, complaining, and misery in Athens.  For Florida, all will be forgotten, if only temporarily, when the Gators take the field Saturday.  Even better, the opponent should provide plenty of E-SPIN moments for the offensively impotent Gators, which in turn should foster a renewed vigor, at least until next Saturday when LSU comes to The Swamp. 

All is not lost in Georgia, however, as SNL’s only known subscriber of “rural background” tells SNL that it is deer hunting season for bowhunters (yep, as in “bow and arrow”)-hope this helps Dawgs.

-So Sayeth the Shepherd