SEC

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cowbellBefore getting into an overly in-depth diatribe about why Gator fans should relax and stop worrying about Alabama (who is not on Florida’s schedule when last SNL checked), we at SNL would like to remind you that we were 4-0 last week ATS.  Naturally, we hid our boyish glee when visiting Vinnie and the boys in the back of Sal’s yesterday to collect our dough, but that’s because we’re scared of him, and not you (except for the ‘Bama fan who has been threatening to kill SNL and his family for the last couple of weeks). 

Moving on…the spin-doctors have been overtime since Florida’s narrow win as if the Arkansas game existed in a vacuum and is therefore the sole piece of relevant evidence available to predict how Florida’s season will end.  For most of the national heads (and some local), Florida’s bloody demise will occur at the hands of the Birmingham shock troops led by Nick Saban, which seems reasonable based on the available resume of both teams to date.  The more pedestrian analysts have trumpeted this mundane argument with little more than a ”scoreboard” thesis, noting that ‘Bama drummed Arkansas by 28 whereas Florida escaped with a 3-point win.  We here at SNL find this juvenile attempt to employ the transitive properties of victories and losses to be entertaining in the way that circus monkeys are entertaining, funny for a minute or two, but lacking the depth needed to keep asses in the seats. 

The smaller-and arguably less well-reasoned-camp maintains that Florida’s come from behind victory over the is signature win that St. Tim of Tebow needed to re-focus this team, the one shining moment we will all look back on when Florida hoists the BCS trophy for the second time in a row and third time in four years this January.   The logic of this argument too lacks any real presumptive force, and not just because it is largely espoused by ex-Gator players on local airwaves-most of whom peaked vocationally when they were gifted….errr…..”earned” their physical education degree from UF, but because the “miracle” win can more easily be construed as an indictment of Florida’s offense and defense.  The offensive woes are tolerable and all, SNL included, unapologetically believed before last Saturday that as long as St. Tebow and Pope Urban remained breathing, the offense would round into form at some point.  The defense was another story, it was our heart, where we Gators pointed when opposing fan bases derided this year’s team.  This is a little harder to do after the hyped Gator D gave up 188 yards in 3 possessions after taking a 13-10 lead last Saturday.  As above, Florida was missing some bodies on the line, but this year’s D continues tro be a very-good-but-far-from-dominant unit.  This is primarily due to the difficulty Florida has had with power runners fielded by Arkansas and Tennessee, which makes Ingram seem more frightening than Vinnie, but only slightly. 

The truth, as SNL told you on Saturday, was that Arkansas is much improved since their beatdown at ‘Bama, and Florida was lacking bodies on the D-Line and largely unfocused after winning a nationally telecasted game in Baton Rouge against a top-10 opponent.  It is therefore ridiculous to suggest that this year’s version of the Gators cannot, under any circumstances, beat ‘Bama.  Should Florida be favored over ‘Bama if the game was played this week?  Probably not.  Thankfully, we don’t have to worry about that yet. 

Dis and Dat…The Noles take their low-flying circus on the road to visit former Warden of Da’ U,  Butch Davis.  We haven’t capped this game yet, but we plant to.  Layla Kiffin’s effeminate hubby is still taking shots at Meyer, though their getting slightly more veiled.  This time, Layla’s boy-toy has gone out of his way to tell all within earshot that ‘Bama is clearly better than Florida.  Presumably, this assertion comes from Kiffin’s review of film?  Irrespective, Kiffin is still the crown-prince of a losing program and better still, Florida fans can openly root for ‘Bama to crush Kiffin’s Vols this week, since the Gators will get their shot at the Tide later.  And, Colin Cowherd, one of E-SPIN’s better radio personalities, just opined that the refs gave Florida the win last week.   Based on time remaining, down and distance, and other objective factors-like Tebow on the field-this opsition seems a little off-base, but keep winning and no one will remember either way.  Terrelle Pryor is taking heat from the Buckeye fan bas and quite frankly, looking more and more like an NFL receiver…

Next…Thursday’s pick and Layla Kiffin’s Husband’s dream come true, a scathing rebuke of his continued “ass-ness” by a blooger-this blogger in fact.   

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: ATS, Bama, BCS, Darth Saban, Degenerate Gambler, DEGENERATES, Layla Kiffin, SEC, Urban Meyer, Vols

For those members of the flock that are hard-of-thinking, the foregoing picture is a metaphor for last Saturday’s “showdowns,” which turned out to be beatdowns, but provided the home teams fan base with a great chance to drink excessively. 

SNL recently posted on the “Flori-Bama”.  This quasi-clever moniker (which is also the name of a world famous bar on the state line) is SNL’s way of saying that Florida and Alabama are equal but opposite reciprocals of one another, and on a collision course for ATL and in turn, the BCSNCG. 

For the most part, the similarities were obvious before last week, when both Alabama and Florida shut down top-20 teams on the road in the most pugilistic of ways, stifling defenses and plodding, conservative offenses with a run-first philosophy.  Sure there are other similarities; both programs are helmed by taciturn, tight-lipped, control freaks who lord over their respective programs (and states for that matter) like medieval warlords and both fan bases are beyond fervent.  For the most erudite Florida fans, the fact that the Gators under Pope Meyer are a single-wing, power running team (and have been for awhile now) that is thinly camouflaged by offensive sets with wide receivers running thither and yon, is not only no surprise, but is welcomed. 

For many, however, this concept is upsetting.  This is particularly true amongst those who still recall with giddy reverie the days when the OBC would fill the air with footballs.  Be that as it may, SNL has accepted if nt embraced the fact that Meyer’s Gators are and will likely remain a team created in ‘Bama’s image-which is a good thing.  And, when these titans meet in the ATL this year, the collision will be epic-though the scoreboard may not reflect the genius of the respective generals on each sideline. 

SNL’s prescience has lost some of its shine now that the mainstream heads at si.com and E-SPIN have jumped on the bandwagon, but we will continue to site to our previous post as evidence that we were way out in front of this story. 

Well, flock, the parallels between the SEC behemoths continues this week when Alabama hosts USC and Florida hosts Arkansas.  For the records, Vegas has made ‘Bama a mere 17-point favorite over USC, and Florida a whopping 24-point favorite over the Hawgs.  The camps of both underdogs are predictably mum on the chances for an upset, and who can blame them.  More on the actual matchups later, let’s do some housekeeping. 

Last week, 7-4 ATS, 18-13 YTD.  By now, most teams are who we thought they were, and the wins are starting to come at a pace which will have the wifey in some new jewelry at season’s end.  SNL’s winning percentage in year’s past has been roughly 57% in weeks 1 through 5, and 67% in weeks 5 through 14.  Se we expect to keep on rolling.

Dis and Dat….The wheels remain intact in Athens, but barely.  Too bad because even the most calloused Gator fan can see that Richt is a good Coach and a better person.  Still, the fratricide of the SEC is unrelenting and losing to Layla Kiffin’s husband will fire up any fan base because, well, that guy’s a total jackass.  Speaking of wheels, another tough week for the ‘Noles, losing at home to Tech having been compounded by the details of the cheating schedule.  Far be it for SNL to pile on, but if you’re going to give scholarships to players who read a second-grade level (after a few years of “college” no less), you should have the common decency to be a good football team.  On the upside, by virtue of consistently sucking for 5-years or so, no one is saying that the “wheels are coming off” in Tallahassee, that ship has sailed. 

Erstwhile…Da’ U will be without 4 starters when it visits UCF tomorrow, which won’t matter, and USFwas rolled at home by Cincinnati, a fact which is further illustrative of FSU’s precipitous fall from grace since, you know, the Bulls crushed the ‘Noles in Doak with a Backup QB a few weeks back.  Finally, this is a grand week for all of CFB.  Why?  Because Notre Damehas to play USC, which will effectively foreclose any more talk of the Clausen-for-heisman, a loss for the limousine industry, but a win for Irish-haters everywhere.  The downside, of course, is the inevitable “USC is playing as well as anyone in the country right now,”  which will be a talking point for all of the frosted tipped fellows at E-SPIN. 

Picks out tomorrow…

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: ATS, Degenerate Gambler, DEGENERATES, Layla Kiffin, Noles, PAC 1+9, SEC, Spurrier, The Hat, UGA, Urban Meyer, USC

  Wife is at the movies and junior is napping, so let’s get to it.

Wisconsin (+16/47u) at The Vest: 

for the Vest, this game is like looking in one of those mirrors that makes you look ten pounds heavier, with Wisconsin being roughly the same team-philosophically speaking-as the Buckeyes are under the Vest’s stewardship .  So, the Vest should be in his comfort zone today when the cornfed Badgers roll into town.  Slothful of feet are those Badgers, and with only a mediocre passing attack, The Vest is the cerebral equal of his opponent for a change.  That said this number is little too high or put another way, Wisconsin isn’t that much fatter than OSU.  Take the generous points here and throw a bone on the under while you’re at it.  

Georgia Tech (+3) at FSU:  A week of turmoil for the ’Noles, who just can’t seem to run off Bowden-like the criminals at AIG, he’s just “too big” to fail.  The good nes for the ’Noles is that for 3.5 hours or so, they can stop hearing about how much they suck, which is considerable.  The bad news, the Yellow Jackets are technically sound and appear to be hitting their stride, and Bowden is still the Coach.  Wrong team favored, FSU implodes on itself like a dying star tonight.  GT +3.

Ole Miss (+5.5) v. ‘Bama:  Like his taller sibling, Meyer, Saban is a bit of a pill, a control freak who cannot relax and would refuse to sign your son’s hat if you saw him at a restaurant.  Also like Meyer, Saban is goood, real gooooooooooooood…  Nutt, conversely, seems like a fun guy parading around in his brim hat a la Greg Norman.  As for the X’s and O’s, Nutt’s D is salty and they have something to prove today, while ‘Bama just needs to win.  SNL loves getting the points at home and will also lay a little on the under.  Shop this one around because the line is between 4 and 5.5 depending on where you’re buying. 

Smaller plays:

Michigan/Iowa over 47

CSU (+9) over Utah

UCLA (+4) over Oregon

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

 

Tags: ACC, ATS, Darth Saban, Degenerate Gamblers, SEC, Urban

SNL watched a ton of football yesterday, going 2-1 on posted picks and 4-0 on night games (sorry, Flock, wasn’t near the computer).  The season record is running in the red again at 10-9 officially and 16-10 unofficially (for the record, “unofficial” games are games played but not posted before kickoff).

Moving on….after teasing its dwindling fan base with a bludgeoning of the morally sound but physically inept Latter Day Saints in Provo, FSU has returned to form, losing to 2 underdogs in a row.  For those who enjoy reveling in FSUs malaise, revel in this:  FSU is now 0-2 in the ACC and 12-14 in league play since 2006.  And, were it not for a last second comeback against I-AA Jacksonville St., the Noles would be 1-4 at the mid-point of the season.

For Gator fans, like SNL, FSU’s impotence is disappointing on two fronts:  First, Florida’s SOS is taking a severe beating as a result of FSU’s fee-fall.  Gone are the days when Florida could point out that it’s non-conference slate, however pathetic (and it often is), included a year-end date with an in-state rival and powerhouse FSU. 

Second, and much more upsetting to the Gator-alleginat, hating the ‘Noles is essentially a politically incorrect position about now, like hating Nemo because of his “special fin” or Charlie Sheen because he’s rich for sucking at acting  Hell, SNL may spear-head a canned good drive for the ‘Noles if they get any worse, which they apparently have in the last 24 hours due to a prominent booster’s public call for an end of the Bowden era.  The student-body has also chimed in with this fine piece of work:

Always the optimist, a seemingly giddy Bowden was overheard telling a local reporter that “[t]his was the third best game I’ve ever been a part of this year,” and “Lord loves a workin’ man.”   Seriously?  Coach, with all due respect, you’re becoming the ex that won’t accept the break-up and keeps showing up at the front door unannounced with a cheesy gift.  If you love something, set it free…

Shifting back into cerebral mode, does FSU even keep Fisher at this point?  This is a fine mess. 

Erstwhile…Coach Kiffin and his Jolly Vols dropped another home game, this one to conference rival Auburn.  Coach Kiffin now boasts-literally, he “boasts”-a 7-19 record as a head coach, and the Vols remain winlesst in the conference.  “Still, we coulda’ lost that sucker by 20 or 30 points,” said a jubilant Coach Kiffin after the loss, “so I consider this a moral victory for this program.”  You heard it here folks, UT is now 4-1 when factoring in its “moral” victories.    Not to worry, the gushing UT contingent was hosting a bevy of high-caliber recruits and, after showing a promotional video on the stadium big screen, faded with the image of Pope Urb to the delight of the frenzied crowd, proving once again that hurling empty taunts at America’s best CFB program is way more entertaining that watching UT football.  SNL, too, pokes fun at those who are better looking, have more money, success, fame, and prospects, so there’s some empathy here.  That said the Vols must realize that their unbridled hatred for Pope Meyer is a tacit admission of what they know to be true deep in side their tattered souls:  UT is horrible-still.

Seriously, the Vols host UGA this week (a pick’em according to Vegas Hilton), and SNL expect the Kiffinwill be 0-3 in the conference in short order.  Perhaps this is the week that Kiffin will make good on his promise to use the flu as an excuse when his team performs poorly.  The obvious juxtaposition of this folly is that his team ALWAYS performs poorly.  Perhaps the flu excuse should be saved for that game when UT performs well-Vandy is still on the schedule, after all. 

In Gotham City…hordes of felons with no legitimate affiliation to Da’U committed various assaults, larcenies, and robberies to show their exuberance following Da’U’s come from behind victory over OU.  Big Game Bob was admittedly short-handed, but Miami appears to be a viable contender for  the ACC crown this year.  A fact which sends shivers down the spine of all legitimate BCS executives who stand to lose a ton of money if they get sandbagged with the Raiders…errr…..Hurricanes in a bowl game as the bulk of Da’U’s fan base can’t leave the county withuot permission from their probation officer.  In a related story, the ACC is investigating allegations that several students (that’s Dade County Community College Students-fyi) colluded with stadium officials to sit in designated seats where the stadium lights would refract off of their mouth jewelry and thereby blind Oklahoma’s quarterback.  No word on this yet. 

Quickly….Tebow?  We don’t need no Tebow, or so says Vegas, Florida opens as a 9-point fav over the Tigers of the Bayou…UNC is starting to turn on Coach Davis who has failed to deliver on his promise to make the Heel the “Powder Blue U”….Houston, we hardly knew ye’, and don’t want to after the a**-kicking handed to you this week…speaking of which, anyone want to pick up the mantle of the Big 12 about now? …South Floridais moving along with a showdown coming up with Cincinnati….LSU hasn’t lost a night game at Tiger Stadium since 2002 and Pope Urban is 28-3 with a bye-week…Stewart Mandel, possessor of marginal talent, has decreed Alabama as the best team in the Country, and SNL isn’t so sure he’s wrong (this time)…

 

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: ATS, Bama, BCS, Degenerate Gamblers, LSU, Meyer, SEC, Tebow, UGA, Urban Meyer

gamedaySorry foe the delay in posts, flock.  Trips to the hospital and hearings on bull**** motions filed by idiot attorneys have kept us busy here at SNL.  2-3 ATS last week dropped us to .500 on posted plays and made for along walk to the back of Sal’s to play a grinning Vinnie some juice.  Funny thing about Vinnie, even when he grins you’re sure he plans putting you to sleep with the fishes. 

Undeterred and in true degenerate form, SNL was able to use the iphone and “world wide web” to get in on Utah St. and Colorado the last couple of days.  We’ve already requested our proceeds, which will be promptly reported to the appropriate authorities upon receipt, and we’re about to call Vinny for some traditional CFB action.  So we’re playing with house money today on a 2 game win streak.

Ole Miss (-10) @ Vandy:  The mascots for both teams are old, white, mustachioed aristocrats, which is where the similarities end for these two schools.  Vanderbilt is a school for smart people, and smart people suck at football-don’t believe me, watch all of the ex-NFL heads on the Sunday shows putting their Bachelor’s in “Housing” to work. 

Factor in the fact that the old, white dude that coaches the Rebs has had to listen to how overrated his team was for 10 days, a stout Miss run defense, and Vandy’s utter inability to muster any sort of passing attack, and you’ve got a blow out for the road team.  Ole Miss -10 (buy the half-point if this thing bounces before you get it).  This is a strong play.

Arkansas (-1) at Texas A & M:  Texas Agricultural & Mechanical is a surprising 3-0 this year, beating down the likes of UAB and Utah St. and Our-Kansas is 1-2, losing to Aly-Bammy and UGA.  So why is Our-Kansas laying road chalk?  Because the Aggies are not good and Petrino’s Hawgs are good against teams that are not good.  Got it?  Arkansas wins a shootout. 

Cincinnatti (-26.5) at Miami (Ohio):  There is something about this year’s Miami of Ohio team which you may find interesting-their ranked last in Offense and Defense-no not last in their conference-last in the NCAA.  Bearcats are near the top in every offensive category.  Yipes.  Easy money, Cincy -26.5

Looking at the late games now (while junior naps) and will also try and get the flock some inside information on the state of Tebow’s brain. 

 

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: ACC, ATS, Degenerate Gambler, DEGENERATES, SEC

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