Vols

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cowbellBefore getting into an overly in-depth diatribe about why Gator fans should relax and stop worrying about Alabama (who is not on Florida’s schedule when last SNL checked), we at SNL would like to remind you that we were 4-0 last week ATS.  Naturally, we hid our boyish glee when visiting Vinnie and the boys in the back of Sal’s yesterday to collect our dough, but that’s because we’re scared of him, and not you (except for the ‘Bama fan who has been threatening to kill SNL and his family for the last couple of weeks). 

Moving on…the spin-doctors have been overtime since Florida’s narrow win as if the Arkansas game existed in a vacuum and is therefore the sole piece of relevant evidence available to predict how Florida’s season will end.  For most of the national heads (and some local), Florida’s bloody demise will occur at the hands of the Birmingham shock troops led by Nick Saban, which seems reasonable based on the available resume of both teams to date.  The more pedestrian analysts have trumpeted this mundane argument with little more than a ”scoreboard” thesis, noting that ‘Bama drummed Arkansas by 28 whereas Florida escaped with a 3-point win.  We here at SNL find this juvenile attempt to employ the transitive properties of victories and losses to be entertaining in the way that circus monkeys are entertaining, funny for a minute or two, but lacking the depth needed to keep asses in the seats. 

The smaller-and arguably less well-reasoned-camp maintains that Florida’s come from behind victory over the is signature win that St. Tim of Tebow needed to re-focus this team, the one shining moment we will all look back on when Florida hoists the BCS trophy for the second time in a row and third time in four years this January.   The logic of this argument too lacks any real presumptive force, and not just because it is largely espoused by ex-Gator players on local airwaves-most of whom peaked vocationally when they were gifted….errr…..”earned” their physical education degree from UF, but because the “miracle” win can more easily be construed as an indictment of Florida’s offense and defense.  The offensive woes are tolerable and all, SNL included, unapologetically believed before last Saturday that as long as St. Tebow and Pope Urban remained breathing, the offense would round into form at some point.  The defense was another story, it was our heart, where we Gators pointed when opposing fan bases derided this year’s team.  This is a little harder to do after the hyped Gator D gave up 188 yards in 3 possessions after taking a 13-10 lead last Saturday.  As above, Florida was missing some bodies on the line, but this year’s D continues tro be a very-good-but-far-from-dominant unit.  This is primarily due to the difficulty Florida has had with power runners fielded by Arkansas and Tennessee, which makes Ingram seem more frightening than Vinnie, but only slightly. 

The truth, as SNL told you on Saturday, was that Arkansas is much improved since their beatdown at ‘Bama, and Florida was lacking bodies on the D-Line and largely unfocused after winning a nationally telecasted game in Baton Rouge against a top-10 opponent.  It is therefore ridiculous to suggest that this year’s version of the Gators cannot, under any circumstances, beat ‘Bama.  Should Florida be favored over ‘Bama if the game was played this week?  Probably not.  Thankfully, we don’t have to worry about that yet. 

Dis and Dat…The Noles take their low-flying circus on the road to visit former Warden of Da’ U,  Butch Davis.  We haven’t capped this game yet, but we plant to.  Layla Kiffin’s effeminate hubby is still taking shots at Meyer, though their getting slightly more veiled.  This time, Layla’s boy-toy has gone out of his way to tell all within earshot that ‘Bama is clearly better than Florida.  Presumably, this assertion comes from Kiffin’s review of film?  Irrespective, Kiffin is still the crown-prince of a losing program and better still, Florida fans can openly root for ‘Bama to crush Kiffin’s Vols this week, since the Gators will get their shot at the Tide later.  And, Colin Cowherd, one of E-SPIN’s better radio personalities, just opined that the refs gave Florida the win last week.   Based on time remaining, down and distance, and other objective factors-like Tebow on the field-this opsition seems a little off-base, but keep winning and no one will remember either way.  Terrelle Pryor is taking heat from the Buckeye fan bas and quite frankly, looking more and more like an NFL receiver…

Next…Thursday’s pick and Layla Kiffin’s Husband’s dream come true, a scathing rebuke of his continued “ass-ness” by a blooger-this blogger in fact.   

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: ATS, Bama, BCS, Darth Saban, Degenerate Gambler, DEGENERATES, Layla Kiffin, SEC, Urban Meyer, Vols

kiffinmeyerIf UT ever beats Florida again, this Kiffin-Meyer rivalry is going to be fantastic. 

The latest comes in the wake of Ut’s recent loss to the Gators, their 4th in a row bye the bye, when was asked whether he was worried about the flu hitting Tennessee, he said: “I don’t know. I guess we’ll wait and after we’re not excited about a performance, we’ll tell you everybody was sick.”  This thinly veiled barb is Kiffin’s crack-back against Meyer for saying that UT wasn’t trying to win the game on Saturday, which they weren’t, and that Florida’s conservative play was partially spawned by UT’s evident offensive impotence, and partially due to some key players having the flu. 

Kiffin wasn’t done either, telling the same reporter that “he wished he could play Florida again,” and “[n]ext time they [Florida] will be without Tebow.” 

The more conciliatory of the Gators have attempted to mitigate Kiffin’s comments by recalling the brash OBC, who coined such memorables as “Free Shoes University” and “[y]ou can’t spell Citrus without UT.”  True, we Gators lapped it up while the rest of the league fumed.  More discerning minds, however, might point out a small difference between the OBC and Kiffin:  Florida was winning games before the OBC wnet public, a lot of them. 

Until now, SNL has staunchly defended Baby Kiffin’s right to poke at Urban on grounds that Kiffin’s comments were the only thing that spawned any interest in this game outside of Gainesville and Knoxville.  This latest round, however, has cast Kiffin in a new light, making him seem petulant rather than precocious, boastful rathern than brave, pouty rather than competitive.  There is now enough evidence to believe that Kiffin is little more than spoiled brat who has had doors opened for him by his legendary father.  Kiffin’s track record certainly bolsters this assertion, he is now 7-17 as a head coach and UT’s appearance in a bowl game in 2009 is tenuous at best.  For comparative purposes, Kiffin’s former colleague, Sarkisian, has 2-1 record with a narrow defeat to a top-10 team and an upset win over a top-5 team, but has yet to take a shot at any of the PAC-10 coaches. 

Kiffin’s Vols did some good things against UF, but they did more mediocre and bad and all but the most partisan would agree that UT was never a threat to win against the Gators.  And yet, the mouthing-off continues.  The UT faithful will continue to drink the Kiffin-punch, for awhile.  But the time will come when losing to UF and Alabama year in and year out, no motter how fine the margin, will be unacceptable.  Until then, Kiffin’s barbs will rightfully be construed by the rest of us as the tantrums of a boy playing in a conference for men. 

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: Gators, UT, Vols

Boise St., in its last purported “test” of the season, wone a shootout over San Quentin…err….Fresno St. last night.  This was the second and ,presumably,  last opportunity for Boise to impress, and they failed.   As it stands, Boise will finish undefeated with a resume that will include a 19-8 win over an Oregon team that appears much worse than advertised (and should have lost to Purdue last week).

Make no mistake, Boise is good, capable of beating a handful of BCS heavyweights in a bowl game, provided the that the heavyweight in question is disinterested due to narrowly losing its conference Championship and thereby missing an opportunity to play in the BCSCG a la Alabama last year.

That said Boise is not a team that would be capable of winning the SEC, Big 12, Pac-10, and would struggle to win the ACC, particularly with a resurgent Miami to go with V. Tech.  Last night it was plain to see that there was an overall lack of power and speed, particularly on the defensive side of the ball, which in SNL’s opinion, makes Boise a de facto non-contender for the BCSG under any circumstance-with the possible exception of a host of 2-loss teams from the power conferences. 

Moving on…

Today, flock, is the day of the “dog,” and you heard it from SNL first. 

FSU @ BYU (-7.5):  This game calls for some imagery, so here goes:  FSU’s players arrive on campus hoping to one day “make it rain” with crazy NFL loot  a la such luminaries as Pac-Man Jones, Travis Henry, and Nelly.  BYU’s choir boys, conversely, arrive on Campus ready to serve a power higher than the NFL (we hope), and hope to one day earn enough money to support their large families because, you know, the whole birth control thing.  As far as football goes, FSU needs this win in the most horrible of ways, having been surpassed by Miami and nearly losing to Jacksonville St.  For BYU, beating FSU is like scoring a date with Goldie Hawn, you get the name recognition, but she’s just not that hot anymore.  In the end, however, a date with Goldie will still bolster your rep with the fellas.  BYU exploits the Noles young defense and covers easy.

Tennessee (+30) @ Florida.  SNL is a Gator fan, bleeds Orange and Blue and etc…  You should also know that the Gainesville Sun published an innocuous piec on Layla Kiffin, laying out Layla’s history as a UF grad, daughter of ex-UF QB, John Reeves, and most importantly, a former member of Zeta Tau Alpha Sorority, or the Zeta’s.  SNL spent some time in UF’s Greek System, the majority of which he doesn’t recall.  Suffice it to say that it’s more or less a bunch of rich kids fornicating and spending their parents money on booze, pills, road trips, with a (sanctimonious)semesterly charity function thrown in to throw the “rents” off the scent.  SNL has scooped a number of Zetas off the floor of local pubs over the years but by and large, they are a classy and hot bunch, so good for the Kiffins!

Oh yeah, back to the game.  UT has a good defense-probably the third best unit in the league, and a legendary coordinator to harness the talent.  SNL also explained in a previous post why the Vols and their suddenly beleaguered Coaches are backed into a corner.  In sum, the Vols D will slow down the Gators-a little-and cover this number.  For perspective, you should know that Joe “Grand” Pa’s Nittany Lions are a 30-point favorite over Temple.  Florida wins easy, but still doesn’t cover this number, 38-13 Gators. 

Toledo (+21) v. Ohio St.:  Regular readers know that SNL loves hangovers, when someone else has them; loves them even more when its the Buckeyes who are hungover.  Toledo, fresh off a beatdown of Colorado, rides their offense to a nice cover here.  You folks already playing with house money may want to moneyline this, after all, The Vest is still calling the plays.

Miss St. (+9.5) at Vandy:  Mullen has installed Florida’s offense with some success, at least in a relative sense.  And Vandy, is still Vandy, smart and undistracted by the hot co-eds at the other SEC institutions.  Bye the bye, Vandy also still believes the forward pass is what you do at a cocktail party.  Another salient point, Mullen’s boys know its Vandy too, and realisticall, the only league game they have a shot at.  MSU +9.

There’s your trifecta flock.  Enjoy. 

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: ATS, BCS, Degenerate Gambler, Gators, Layla Kiffin, Noles, PAC 1+9, the Vest, Vols

 

“I have a high art, I hurt with cruelty those who would damage me.” – Urban Meyer, 2009 A.D.

Fueled by the Boy Wonder’s pre-season comments, which are all the rage on E-SPIN and the other mainstream outlets, the Gator Nation is giddy like a bunch of teenage girls at the eighth-grade social in anticipation of a beatdown of the once (again) hated Vols in The Swamp this Saturday.  Gainesville Sun Sports writer, Pat Dooley, has penned a column explaining why a complete beheading of the Vols won’t be as easy as expected, and SNL tends to agree. 

Irrespective, the Vegas overlords, in typical overreactive fashion, have established Florida as a 29.5point favorite.  This has had the predictable effect on UF fans, who now collectively believe that anything short of 35-point beatdown of the Kiffin-led Vols will be construed as an intolerable sign of weakness.  Factor in the infamous TO against UGA last year, and the field goal against Um latre in the 4th, and one can easily understand why the Gator Nation feels that a debasing of UT is as certain as tomorrow’s sunrise.

For Gator fans, SNL has some advice, which is predicated on years of watching the Vegas spread become the de facto litmus test for success:  This game will be much closer than you think.  So take a deep breath, spend a few moments in “downward dog” or whatever pacifies your inner-child because SNL is here to tell you that UT is not the directional schools you’ve grown accustomed to over the last 2 weeks.  To the contrary, the Vols bring a cast of talented players, highly paid assistants, and they’re desperate.  The Vols have also spent a week listening to how bad they are, while your beloved Gators have continued to have praised heaped upon them as if Tebow himself were their Quarterback. 

For their part, the vocal minority of UT loyalists, at least those permeating the local airwaves, have already have jumped off or on the Kiffin bandwagon (depending on their original stance), in large part based on last week’s close loss to UCLA.   To be fair to the UT faithful, there is precious little in the way of empirical evidence to go on, Kiffinis 5-15 as a head coach, withthe bulk of his losses coming at the helm of the Raiders, the most consistently dysfunctional NFL franchise over the last decade.  So overreacting to 1 game is understandable. 

Using 2 games as the parameter for judgment, which is all UT really has at this point, necessarily means that Saturday’s game, for the Vols at least, is going to be perceived as a harbinger in one direction or the other, at least for this season.  If UT shows some of the bellacosity that its Coach displayed when he was rocking the mic on the pre-season circuit, the Vols can be somewhat certain that the Kiffin is the man for the job.  If, however, his team gets run out of the building, the wheels will begin to come off, even if Layla agrees to wear a bikini to the remainder of UT’s games.

Kiffin has smartly used his coaching acumentto cling to the “we have no chance” mantra as if it were a lifeboat and UT just sank with the Titanic.  Despite Kiffin’s pleas to the contrary, it seems, however, that there is at least somepressure on UT to perform well on the heels of what most objective and partisan observers would say is an embarrassing home loss to a middle-of-the-road PAC 1+9 team.  True, the loss to UCLA is somewhat embarrassing on its face, but UCLA has a pair of behemoth DT’s one of whom, Brian Price, is a likely NFL lottery pick.  Rocky Top Talk has a good write-up on how some D-Line adjustments by UCLA impacted UT’sability to run with any consistency which contributed greatly to the loss for the nerdier among you. 

Irrespective of UT’s self-proclaimed liberation from expectations vis’a'vis the loss to UCLA and UF’s unchallenged superiority, the Vols play in the SEC and Kiffin will be granted only so many mulligans before the local press begins to ask “how much is it to buy him out again?”  The pressure to play well at the storied programs of the SEC is as ubiquitous as strip malls in Florida, pick-ups in Ally-Bammy, and missing teeth in Gawgia.  So UT’s self-professed freedom makes a compelling argument for scribes who lack an alternative storyline, but SNL ain’t buying it.  These are still kids and E-SPIN will advance its unholy matrimony with the SEC by unrelentingly playing the video of Kiffin’s rant to UT partisans to add intrigue to a game that would otherwise lack national interest to anyone wo isn’t a degenerate gambler.  Along those lines, Florida is an unheard of 29.5 point favorite, which is absolutely ridiculous.  (For comparative purposes, UF opened as a 32.5-point fav over lowly Troy, who was cleansed by Bowling Green the week before). 

Thus, the real question for UT loyalists (and Gator fans albeit for different reasons), is whether Kiffin and the sophomoric but admittedly entertaining arrows he slings at SEC heavyweights like Meyer and Saban constitute a mere sideshow, like the “Bearded Lady” or “World’s Tallest Man,” or whether this boy-toy can lead the Vols back up the mountain.  True, straight outta’ Crompton may throw 4 picks and UF will win easily.  Brantley may play the 4th quarter and throw a touchdown himself. But fear is and always will be the true opiate of combat, so expect UT to play a physical game.  Even so, 38-17, UF. 

Moving on….

G. Tech (+6) at Miami:  Mr. Miagi once said, “man who catch fly with chopsticks accomplish anything,” which has nothing to do with this post, but sounds prophetic in a cliche Asian-esque way.  So, where are these 2 teams?  UM is 1-0 and flying high after a road victory over a (laughably) top-20 ‘Nole outfit who, bye the bye, has since nearly lost to Jacksonville St.  G. Tech is coming off a Thursday night game against Clemson, which they won after surrendering a large lead.  Survey says, however, that Da’ U plays undisciplined defense, and no offense outside of Navy requires discipline like Tech’s.  Johnson is like a lo-fi Urban, and his guys will show up and execute, pushing the sale of pocket-protectors to an all-time high on the GTU campus.  Shannon is a lo-fi Bowden, who’s marquis trait is the ability to mold top-notch recruits into under-performing college players, pushing to an all-time high the illicit sale of hot Tech-9’s in Dade County.  Tech routed Da’ U last year, and will play within the number this year.  The public appears to be all in on Da’ U, so wait for this line to hit 6.5 and buy the hook.  GTU +7.   

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: ACC, ATS, Degenerate Gambler, Layla Kiffin, Meyer, Vols

  As SNL blogs, The Vest has unleashed the hounds, and finds the “good-against-everyone-who-is-not-good” Buckeyes positioned to vanquish the Men of Troy.  Which, considering UCLA’s win over Kiffin’s Vols, is a good thing for all PAC 1+9 haters, present company included.  The game has been a bit like Rocky III, where Stallone is clubbed like a baby seal by Clubber Lang (Mr. T) in the beginning, and preps for a rematch for about 2 horribly acted hours.  During the rematch, Rocky is getting beat down by Clubber again but, thanks to Apollo Creed’s superb conditioning program (and a healthy dose of steroids), Stallone is capable of tasking Clubber’s best punches and after a few rounds, says “you ain’t so bad!”, smiling all the while.  OSU gave up a quick pick and went down by y but, like the diminutive Stallone, has risen to the task, and leads by 5 midway through the 4th.

Now, what we’ve learned in week 2…

SNL is going 2-1 today, with a chance to break the bank if Spurrier’s Cocks can pull this out-played with the moneyline.  Georgia survives, the moneyline is over…que lastima.  Elsewhere…Okie St. is not ready to run with the Big Dogs…Notre Dameis still slow on defense and aside from Da’ U, the easiest team to hate in CFB-seriously, how can you not dislike Clausen and his unwarranted smugness?  North Carolina is horrible, even in victory.  In general, the ACC is just abysmal this year, the Noles nearly lost to Jackson St., and SNL will be looking strongly at next week’s showdown with the Mormons-who don’t drink but still have lots of kids-who’d have thought?  LSU, who was out-gained by Washington last week by almost 250 yards, is struggling with Vandy.  While amusing, this is further evidence that Florida must run the table this year to ensure a spot in the BCSNCG. 

Finally, Kiffin’s Volshave a bit of a problem, it’s name is Crompton.  Thanks UT for ruining next week’s game with Meyer’s mercenaries-who were methodic in their destruction of Troy today-and eroding the conference’s image while you were at it.  Which is further prrof that Kiffin should leave coaching to do what any self-respecting man in his position would do, live off the modeling proceeds of his preposterously hot wife.   There will still be some satisfaction in watching Kiffin receive Urban’s “thanks” for his ill advised taunts.  He might not get a horse head in his bed, but he can count on a late timeout to ensure that UF sticks in a final TD to increase the MOV to something in the 5 touchdown range.  Enjoy your time in The Swamp, Nu’Keese!

Also, not much of a West Coast guy, but SNL would be remiss were he to fail to point out how much Colorado sucks…seriously, Hawkins, in addition to sucking, is easier to dislike than the herp, and you know it’s true. 

Coming Soon…

Why Tebow isTebow…

The Rise of the Mormons…

-So Sayeth the Shepherd

Tags: ATS, BCS, Degenerate Gambler, PAC 1+9, Vols

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