Vols

2 weeks ago UT lost to Auburn.  Last week Vandy beat Auburn-fans who abhor change are likely to find this as unsettling as the current state of the global financial system.  And, for those who employ some sort of empirical system to rate the relative strengths and weaknesses of CFB teams, which is a dubious passion at best, Vandy’s success continues to be an enigma that rivals black holes, Stonehenge, and the popularity of American Idol as some of life’s greatest mysteries. 

In support of this assertion, SNL somewhat rigidly looks to the latests stats, which confirm that Vandy ranks at or near the bottom of every major statistical category on both offense ands defense except one:  Turnover margin.

SNL supposes the obvious nugget to be extrapolated is the hardly Socratean adage “turnovers lose (or win) games,” which we can expect to hear literally hundreds of times per week from the E-SPIN heads, writers and coaches on any given week with predictable mind-numbing effect.

Still, SNL cannot help but believe that Vandy’s best weapon, even today, is that it is difficult for teams to get excited when they play Vandy.  Vandy is now ranked in the top-20 and undefeated.  Nonetheless, SNL is looking forward to the game with the OBC’s Cocks than the Vandy matchup and presumes that this sentiment is shared by many, if not most, Gator fans.

This phenomenon, which is admittedly asinine by any objective measure given Vandy’s current success, has been embedded in the dark recesses of the SEC’s collective brain (yes, SNL realizes this term is subject to attack by way of “oxymoron”) since Vandy began showing up for beatdowns at SEC stadiums in @ 1991 (it was 1991, right?). 

Today, the attention-starved Commodores are gloating like a 7-year old with a new bike.  This, of course, is the natural progression for any contingent that has suffered years of hegemonic dominance at the hands of an infinitely more powerful and notorious rival that unexpectedly finds itself occupying the alpha-male vacuum left in the wake of its rival’s self-inflicted implosion.  To wit, the Vandy message board(s) (SNL has yet to locate more than 1) are rife with bowl projections, delusional recruiting aspirations, and wistful predictions of an SEC East title.

While SNL does not begrudge the Commodores understandable need to revel in the statistically improbable combination of their success and UT’s woes, the evidence seems to suggest that Vanderbilt’s fall from the ranks of the ranked will happen sooner than later.  In fact, Vandy will likely lose at least 4 of its remaining games-please note, this rosy prediction assumes that Vandy wins against Croom’s cerebrally challenged Bulldog’s this weekend, and later against Foolmer’s Vols.  Given Vandy’s penchant for cellar-dwelling, an 8-4 season constitutes an unparalleled success which should result in a New Year’s eve bowl game.  The true test, however, for Vandy and its fans will be in 2009 when the Commodores battle the foe that the heavyweight SEC programs have battled for decades: expectations. 

Now, about those Vols…

The Vols freefall has reached terminal velocity and shows no signs of slowing before the close of the casket that is the 2008 season.  Last week, the Vols manged to play Northern Illinois to a 3-3 tie at halftime, before surging to a 13-9 victory at Neyland Stadium.  In the process, the Vols managed 9 first downs (to N. Illinois’ 13) and around 230 yards of offense.  Rumor has it that the Vols players’ ability to catch, block, run, throw, and tackle was inhibited by the sun’s glare reflecting off the 35,000 or so empty seats in Neyland.

Absent a resurrection of biblical proportions, the Vols will not go bowling this year and the rumors of a booster-led coup to replace the floundering Fulmer regime at season’s end seem to be all that stands between Fulmer and a whiskey soaked mob of coon-skin wearing rocky toppers exacting their own brand of revenge.

For SNL, chronicling UT’s demise has been a sad affair.  Gone is the anticipation of the 3rd game of the season against a formidable foe, and in its place is another “expected win” which yields no upside from a national perspective, but carries with it the danger of a potentially season-derailing upset.   Things will change soon in Knoxville, they always do in this league.

-So Sayeth the Shepherd